𝐰𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬, 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞. | a. skywalker

𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐬𝐢𝐱

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐨𝐢𝐝.
𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞.

—

The Saccharine had long gone, yet Anakin and I stayed where we were, both lost in our own thoughts, alone together in this mysterious place.

The sun, which I had once assumed was everlasting, had begun to dim, and the stars were dimly peeking through the skyline. I still had no concept of when it was, though this change in time seemed to mark an ending of sorts.

Or beginning.

The pieces of all the visions I had been having for the past few years had all just intertwined; my journey in the depths being the last puzzle pieces, fitted together in my mind. Though I did not feel confused about life itself anymore, I still had no idea how to go about my new revelation.

I knew I had feelings, feelings that seemed natural here, yet so unnatural in the world I would return to. And so the question in my mind was posed as such: do I act on these feelings?

On one hand, I did want to. I wanted nothing more than to be in his embrace, to be held in a way only he and I could replicate. I wanted to know what his lips felt like, tasted like. I wanted to know what it was like to be loved by him.

On the other hand, I would be betraying the code, everything I had ever worked for. My life's purpose was to be a Jedi, and I was on the right track, the path to greatness built from a life of nothingness.

But then again, was the code right? For all that I had witnessed here had told me otherwise.

And so, my mind grappled with itself, trying to differentiate right from wrong, desire from order.

"You're awfully quiet right now."

I was pulled from my thoughts ever so quickly with Anakin's words.

There was a million things racing through my head, a million words I could think to tell him, yet my mind was drawing a blank.

I simply shrugged. "Lots to think about."

He narrowed his eyes at me, as if he couldn't quite think of what to make of my answer.

"Want to go for a walk? Maybe that will help. It always helps me clear my head."

"That might help," I replied.

I knew it wouldn't, but who would I be to deny an evening stroll with Anakin Skywalker?

He extended his arm to help me up, but pretended to not see it, lifting myself to my feet on my own. Truthfully, I was scared. But even scared did not feel like the right way to put. I was terrified.

Terrified that if I touched his hand, it would set a fire ablaze in my heart, in my soul, raging like no other. I was terrified that if I held on to him, I might never let go. I was terrified that I would let my emotions get the best of me, that I would do something I might regret.

Because as far as I had come to acknowledging my own feelings, it did not mean he felt the same way about me. Force, with the kind of luck I had, it would be much the opposite, and I would have ruined the friendship that brought me my solace in the unknowns of the universe.

So we walked, side by side, yet so far apart. I drank in the scenery, willing my mind to think of anything else. I noticed the winding of the path, the grass that moved ever so gently with the breeze, the stars that were much brighter and the sky that was much darker than before.

I tried to count the stars, but every time my mind wandered, I lost count. I was frustrated with the storm that was brewing in my head, the one thing I had no answers for in a place where I was promised answers for everything.