My Youth | Unlucky

Chapter 8

I downloaded Muz Match again and talked to different guys hoping to find someone I could talk to, to get him off my mind. Maybe a rebound could help.

I was thinking . Would he care if went out with another man?

I mean why would he? He doesn't fucking care anymore! I spent my days grieving while finding for a job, read our past text messages and replay the scenarios when we're together in my head. If only there was time machine, I would like to go to that very year to be with him forever.

I couldn't stand the fucking hurt in my heart and bought a can of beer to drink. I was planning to get drunk but I regretted. Oh god. Beer tasted so awful and smelly!

I should have never drank that shit cause I couldn't pray for at least 30 days.

I led out my feelings to Hairul and went to the closest people I know and told them about my breakup. Everyone had the same surprise reaction. They often told me I deserve better. I really don't fucking care. I really want him back. And they try to lighten me up saying there's still a chance for me to get back together with him. I tried to fall into that hope cause I doubt that would never happen.

After my breakup, he appeared in my dreams. But when I woke up, I was back to facing the reality of how shit my life is.

I came up with scenarios in my head. Dreaming that I married him and living together with him, his mother along with Shafiq and Imaan in a nice cozy hdb flat. With our little kids and cats running their little paws or footprints around the house and seeing the whole family together bring me joy.

This was my only way to ease my heart and mind. Creating a love story in my head. Call me delusional. It maybe an unhealthy obesesion but if you compare to little fangirls obsessing over BTS, you could agree mine is better.

I couldn't get enough of him and the memories, our love feels like ecstacy.