My Youth | Unlucky

Chapter 9

I downloaded Facebook messenger and Facebook to update my profile picture as I was wearing hijab and to entertain myself. So far the only person that reached out to me was Fannie. She's from the Philippines and I knew at secondary when she transferred at Sec 3.

Fannie was like a friendnemy to me. Honestly, she's trash. Looking back how toxic she was for calling me names and making me feel hopeless but bared with it cause I knew it needed a friend just like she.

At that time I realized how important friendship was there's school project and PE team ups. And in ITE choosing the right set of group was important for you to be influenced on the right path and make right decisions.

I forgave Fannie already and we catched up like old times. I was sad to know she was no longer in Singapore and she was now residing in the Philippines , Cebu. It isn't her hometown but she moved out cause she can't stand living with her stepfather and mother. Her stepfather was driving her nuts. He was rude and fierce.

It was a waste that Fannie had to leave behind Polytechnic to get away from everything. But I was glad to know she was doing better and working as a trainer. She preferred to work in the Philippines unlike Singapore, the hustle and bustle of our city. Which was quite understandable.

After Fannie, I decided to reach out to other old friends like, Yusof , Wana and tried Facebook dating.

To be honest I'm not exactly looking for a relationship but if there is a chance , why not?

I needed someone to protect me badly. Who else could I rely on?

So far I met you with different guys. One was Chinese and other one was Malay. I couldn't care less if they abducted me. At least kill me so I won't have to suffer anymore.

I forget the Chinese guy name so let's call him Asshole. Cause he was an asshole. He picked me up in his car and drove me to Lakeside. I mention he can't hold my hand or kiss me. And he respected that. But he didn't deliver his promise.

He seems like a nice average looking. He was slightly older than me. Working under his family business which I don't understand much on what he really does. I told him I have no time to fuck around. When I said that I just realized I just sound like Indra. We got back to his car laid at the back of the booth.

I turned on my heartbreak music  as he laid down. He tried to cuddle with me but I pushed him off. He tried again and this time he forcefully placed kissed all over my face. I wanted to cry. I just picture it was Indra instead of him. When he was done I told him I wanted to go back and he agreed. After that I never talked or saw him again.

When he did text me, I told him to fuck off and he was speechless. Then I  blocked him and deleted him from my contacts.

The next guy I went out with was Hakim. I thought he seem genuine and friendly. He always did his best to engage in a conversation with me and we spoke on the phone a few times. He works at a shipyard cargo. Drives motorcycle and a car.

He wasn't really that handsome. He knew my secondary school classmates Wee Li Qing and Vanessa Sheperdson as they were friends at ITE.

One day, he asked me if I wanted to join him for supper as he was around Jurong and I agreed to it. I left around midnight without my mom knowing and he picked me up. When I open the door I asked "Are you Hakim?" He told me off  "Do I look like a grab driver to you" I got into the front seat and closed the door. "Chill your balls down man" I laughed and buckle up my seatbelt. The radio blasted music that from outside of the could be heard.

"So, where are we going?" I asked. "I don't know. Do you know any cafe around?" "Well theres not much. The nearest 24 hour McDonald's is at probably at Boon Lay" "Alright let's go there then. The Bangla place" "Why do you say that?" " My friends and I say, cause alot of foreigners tend to hang around there" "Oh"

I enjoy car rides. But the car ride that I was on felt like a rollercoaster. He pressed the gas and speeded up. My heart was racing. Holy shit. "Oi. You speed for what? There's barely any car!" I shrieked. "Habit" he said. What the hell?

I was thankful we arrived safely. I didn't felt like eating so I ordered a ice Chocolat drink from McCafe.

We sat outside and talked. I learned that his father owns an interior design business and his family is religious and his mix Chinese but he doesn't look chinese. He's the type that goes clubbing , drinking and have sex. I knew this wasn't someone that I wanted to be with. He talked about his army life and how respected he was cause his dad was a commando or something that no one dared to step on his foot even when he got to trouble.

I didn't understand why he had to brag that he use to be a "bauye" (a crocodile), basically a player. He even had body count. Then I asked him "So what do you achieve from a body count? Do you want an award or something?" He kept silent.

It was nice talking to him and I had good time. And he sent me home safely. I was just glad I was in one piece.

A few days later, my mom somehow, found out from my brother and she screamed at me. I argued back that I wasn't fair that Danish get to go out at late at night and she response is "HE'S A GUY" What the bloody hell is that?

She asked who I went out with and Iied saying Yusof. "Yusof? You mean that loser?" Yusof Patrick was my ITE classmate and my ex crush. We had history behind us. He was a jerk, a gangster and a drug addict. He was a bad influence. Of course which parent would want their kid to hang around someone like him. But I learned that Yusof has turned over a new leaf. And it was nice to he makes the effort and he thinks of me from time to time.

"Danish! If Sarah goes out late at night , lock the door , you know the second lock so she doesn't come in. She can jollywell sleep outside!" She exclaimed. At that point of time, mommy was stressed. She was angry that I was lazy and wasn't helping out with the chores. She was so fed up that she took a pillow and hit me.

I really can't be bothered. I don't know why. I even delay taking a shower or sometimes don't shower for a few days.

Gross? I know.

What has become of me?