My Youth | Unlucky

Chapter 10

I kept hearing this voice to see my grandfather even though I knew he passed away. I feel sad that he's gone and I wished I could see him one last time and seek for his forgiveness.

I knew how muched be loved me cause I was his favorite granddaughter. I wished I knew how to express my feelings to him.

My request came through as I managed to visit my grandparents,on my mother's side, grave. I put on a black jubah which my stepmom gave it to me and which I have always wanted to wear. My mom thought it was new clothing but I told her it wasn't.

Danish stayed behind as they were Bangla worked arriving to paint the house. Yes, the house was getting a revamp after many years. Mommy chose the cream brown walls for the tv wall and the middle dining wall to be painted, the ceilings to be repainted over with the same colour white and the the rest of the walls cream. There were two man that only came over to do the job.

Siti and Khai rode on motorcycle together while me , mommy and my aunt took a taxi to the Malay Cemetery. There was suppose to carpool fetching us and was offering $70 for 45 minutes but in the end we declined his service cause he couldn't arrive on time.

When we near the cemetery , there police standby at the Chinese Cemetery. The uncle explained in Malay that there was Qingming Festival going on. It's not a public holiday but it was basically the time the Chinese pray and honor their ancestors. The reason why there's police cars around is to control traffic. I did my research and that in order to partake in the event , one must book an appointment. It was quite interesting to know about it.

The taxi arrived first but the driver wasn't sure where to go and Aunty made a rough guess.

We didn't know where to park or even know where the grave was located at. Mommy went out first to look for the grave and someone was kind enough to assist her.

Later Siti and Khai arrived. I was confused with what I needee to do. Aunty wanted me to leave first and follow mommy. While Khai and Siti said I couldn't leave my aunt just like that. I was so pissed off but I maintained my cool.

Aunty eventually got out of the car and Siti helped her mom out. We all to look for mommy together. As soon as I stepped into the cemetery, I felt so anxious all of a sudden. I took a breather , read prayer and greeted Assalamuikum softly (Peace be upon you). I felt calmed afterwards but I was worried was encountering any snakes. I would be horrified if one bit me and I got poisoned. I keep ears and my eyes glued to the ground to keep a look out on snakes.

The first grave we arrived was neneks grave. As aunty approached closer she got emotional. "Oh mom. Please forgive us for not visiting for so long"

The past few years was inconvenient for us to come down due to the Covid 19. And thankfully this was best oppurtunity we had.

Nenek's grave marble had been cleaned up nicely. No signs of lizards or plants growing on her grave. The gold markings on the tomb stone were faded. If she was alive right now , I would be already on my knees crying with mercy and begging her forgiveness. And questioning her if what I saw in my mind was true.

We all read prayers and took turns to pour rose water and mineral water onto the grave. We spent a short moment of silence before we moved onto the next grave.

If only she could see all of us and see how much I've grown to the lady I am. Nenek passed away while on her trip in Malaysia with atuk. She had heart attack and was pronounced dead at the hospital. I was 11 at that time and didn't understand much on death. But it saddens me to lose her. I felt guilty cause I was busy school and I didn't had the chance to say goodbye. I remembered there was a saying we may love the person but God love the person more.

Everyone got onto the vehicles and we went to the next location which was not very far , to visit atuks grave. Atuk passed away 2 years ago at Ng Teng Fong Hospital. It was actually his time to go. At least I said goodbye to him. I miss him so much. I remembered crying very badly when I saw his lifeless body.

I did wished he could live long enough to see me married and have children. But his time had come.

We arrived at atuks new grave. It was well done design by black marble and pebble stones placed ontop. I hate to admit but his grave looked much better than neneks grave. I don't know why but I felt emotional when I was there. I often thought about him and wished I could see him one last time. I never knew how much I could miss someone even though I hardly talk to him.

The same process everyone read prayers , took turns to pour the rose water and the mineral water. I accidently over pour the mineral on the grave and mommy joked in Malay that his favourite granddaughter has so much love for him. "Atuk I miss you very much. I still hear you. I hope you can rest now" I spoke.

There was remaining water left so I decided to pour on the other undecorated graves. Everyone started making way back to their vehicle. "Bye atok" I said before leaving. Khai was the last to leave. The touched the stone silently for a moment before he left. I wish I could hear what was on his mind cause I knew it would be meaningful.