My Youth | Unlucky

Chapter 12

Time flies when I'm doing nothing. My daily routine has turned to sleeping late and waking up late. Also finding a job was hard.

I made a mistake for not getting back to the previous job that was offered to me. It was high pay and office hours. If I had only replied back on time, I would be working and I would have a stable income by now.

Ramadhan arrived and I was hoping to get the spirit back. But this year isn't just as lively as before. Maybe it's cause of my heartbreak. I fasted for the past few week until my period came then I became lazy. Being sick is not an excuse cause I can still fast while eating my medication as the intention is there.

I've already bought my outfit for Eid. I bought a cream brown abaya from Ryan Couture. It was a little expensive but it was worth it. Now I just needed to find a slip on dress. Not sure if I still have the money.

It's sad that I couldn't go shopping with Indra. I was looking forward to go shopping with him. I thought of meeting him to eat at the bazaar but I don't have enough money.

Everyday, I did my best to push him out of my mind. Now that it's April, every message from the past feels like anniversary. I would love to read them all over again but I didn't my heart to break even more. The last thing I want is my mental health to get worse. Things are bad enough for me.

I keep myself occupied by finding jobs, playing Harry Potter game , listening to music and writing a book. I hope someday I can become a famous author like J.K Rowling. It's my dream to be an author to publish my own book once its done and hope its shown on tv. I read like 10 pages I think and for now I'm facing with writer's block. I just couldn't wait to get to the juicy part.

The Ohana book is just base on what I could imagine my life and Indra's life would be. Since my shaman told my future and I don't think it would come true, I guess I could put it to good use in my book for the future.

I wishing that one day I get back with my ex and marry him. Marriage is hard but I know every struggle with Indra would be worth it.

I didn't have the heart to remove his picture from my Telegram and Whatsapp. I still have his old photo in my wallet and on my mirror. I don't know what to do with it. But I know I won't throw it away. I just stand seeing it go to waste. Usually people would discard what their ex's give them. But for me, I'm going to treasure what Indra had given me. I'm a cancer. I'm sentimental. I take anniversary's seriously which is why I can turn depress.

My life is already depressing.

To add another to my problems was my physical health. I have been struggling with lower back pain for a week. I wasn't sure what happen. All I remembered was I sat on the floor , eating my dinner while watching Netflix until my body was hurt.

I couldn't bend by body or straighten my body. It's just too painful. I just pray and hope its as bad as my mom's slip disc. She had to go for operation.

My mom reminded my that I have a history of spinal curve when I was in secondary school. Could that be an issue worsening?

The doctor said it's most likely muscle strain and nothing to do with the bone. She had given me pain killers and muscle patch to heal my body. I was also given a follow up next week. And even made an appointment with a massage therapist to do massaging and cupping at her home. I'm not sure if cupping would help body. All I know it does sucks up blood and to get rid of toxins.

I'm still just going to go for it. But judging by the pictures of amount of blood shed after cupping, horrifies me. I hope it's not painful and my back gets healed. If it doesn't heal until my next appointment, my Dr will send me for x-ray. For now it really sucks. I felt like an old women complaining about her back problems. On Monday, it was the last straw for me. It was also painful to walk but after eating the painkiller, I could finally walk without feeling that much pain.

As I listen to music to my old playlist on Spotify, I would had flashbacks of the past. Just remembering how times were simple back then. I realised alot of things I have been through. Like staying at my late grandparents house for decades , being able to work shift during my intern days , working hard tireless at NUH ,surviving the pandemic and making new friends.

Sometimes I wish I had a trime travel machine so I can go back and relive those moments. I missed working at NUH during the CB period. It was fun and free. There wasn't much to do. I miss my friends. We hardly hang out with each other this days. I miss the long road trips and impromptu hang outs. I spent alot of money and went out nearly everyday but it was worth it cause back then I hardly had anyone to hang out with.