"Do you understand?" Your boss raises his voice and you look down, nodding hesitantly as he sighs and storms out of your office.
You have to sit there and listen to him scold you about mistakes he makes. Your hands are trembling and you feel a lump in your throat, the tears threatening to fall.
I'm not going to cry. You take a deep breath and tell yourself not to worry too much. Yet, deep down, you're boiling with anger.
But instead, you fake a smile the moment your coworker walks into the place. And this is how you spend the rest of your day.
Until you come back home, and take off the mask you've been wearing.
"Hey, love." Jay approaches you, his arms wide open so he can hug you. "How was-"
"Don't." You slightly push him away. "I'm having a bad day so please..."
"Y/N..." You hate the way he looks at you, his eyes full of hurt. "You... you don't have to push me away like this."
"I'm not pushing you away, Jay, I'm just frustrated. Don't add to my annoyance-"
"What? Then what about me? I wait for you the whole day just so you-"
"See? You wait here the whole day while I work my ass off and hear things that break my heart. Happy?"
"It's not like I don't do anything. It's just my day off-"
"Yeah, you dance. I wish I could dance for work." You snap at him, not really knowing why.
You just want to pass the frustration your boss made you feel to someone else so you can feel better. But will you feel any better?
"Y/N." The way he calls your name and looks at you in disbelief makes you realize he's hurt. You want to stop this, but you're too stressed and mad you can't do it.
So the next thing Jay knows, you step into your room and slam the door shut behind you. He stays there, standing like an idiot, dumbfounded, not knowing why you're so...
He can't even say that you're mean. He loves you too much to say it, so he just sighs and walks out of the house, leaving you some space and time so you can maybe feel better.
When you hear the door open and close, your heart drops. Guilt starts to eat you alive because you know very well that he didn't deserve it.
Especially when he just cares about you and misses you after a long day of you being away.
You sit on the edge of your bed, your head in your hands, feeling terrible for how you treated Jay. You know he's one of the kindest people you've ever met, and he doesn't deserve to be the target of your frustration.
You feel worse. Tears fall down your cheeks when all that frustration and stress dawns on you.
The tears never stop but after some time, you hear the door open again. He's home.
"Y/N?" Jay calls, trying to open the bedroom door only to fail. You locked it. "Baby, open the door."
"Go away, Jay." You hug the blanket closer, hiding your face and your tears.
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm gonna sit here and wait until you come out." His voice is laced with worry and you hate that you're causing all of it.
"I know you don't want to be here."
"Y/N, don't push me away. I wanna be here." There's silence while you wipe your tears and wait to hear his voice. "Baby."
"What are you doing?" Your voice is barely audible yet you can hear him sigh.
"I'm sitting against the door waiting for you." Your eyes soften. "Either you talk to me through this door or come out and talk to me face to face."
"I'm not coming out, Jay. You should go, you shouldn't waste your day off on this."
"Okay, I'll wait. I got nothing but time. There's truly nothing more important than this right now." He says and the tears well up in your eyes again.
"You're the most important thing in my life, Y/N."
You can feel your heart breaking as Jay's words wash over you.
How could he say that you're the most important thing in his life when you said all those terrible things to him?
You want nothing more than to run into his arms and beg him to forgive you, but the fear and shame hold you back.
As you sit there, staring at the door that separates you from the man you love, you remember the way he holds you close and whispers sweet nothings in your ear, the way his smile lights up your whole world, and the way his touch can make everything else fade away.
"Please, Y/N I don't want to have this conversion through a... door." His voice interrupts your thoughts and you slowly stand up. "I don't want to lockpick the door."
"You won't... I can't see you now, Jay. Please." You rest your hand against the door and lean on it.
"I would have left if you were okay. But you're clearly hurting and there's no lock that can keep me out, you know this."
"Jay, please give me a minute." You take a deep breath and you hear him chuckle, although it sounds so bitter you're feeling guilty all over again.
"Okay, okay, I'm not coming. Can you open the door so I can make sure you're alright, though?"
"Yeah. Two seconds."
"Two seconds it is." You slowly open the door, revealing yourself to Jay who stands there with a look of concern etched on his face. Then his eyes soften. "Hey, love."
"Hi..." You look down.
"Do you want a hug?" It only takes a moment for you to nod your head, and then Jay's arms are around you, pulling you into a warm embrace.
You breathe in the scent of his cologne, feeling his warmth against your body, and you let out a small sob. "I'm sorry," You whisper, your voice barely audible.
"Hey, it's okay. You're okay. Whatever's going on, baby, we can talk about it." Jay hugs you close, stroking your hair and kissing your forehead.
"I'm such a bad person." You let out, tears falling down your cheeks. "I can't believe I said that to... you. I don't deserve you."
"Just because you were a little bad doesn't mean you don't deserve me to love you." He makes you face him, then he smiles a little. "We all have our bad moments, I can never blame you for that."
"I know you won't love me if I-"
"No, Y/N, I love you unconditionally. You can do whatever you want in front of me. You can cry, lose your mind, freak out. It won't change how I feel about you. That's what unconditionally means, it's not like I'm only gonna love you if... It's unconditional. Forever."
You look up at him, your eyes softening. "I'm so sorry, Jay. I just had a very bad day and I just... I didn't want you to see me at my worst."
He smiles, holding your hand while he pulls you closer. "I'll love your best self and I'll love your worst self. That's a promise I made, you know?"
