"I never thought a day would come when you'll ask me for this." Jay steps inside your house, shaking his head in disbelief.
"I just need a little help, okay? I'm not that desperate, though."
"We both know that your experience is pretty limited." He says and you scoff.
"What? I had my first kiss when I was in elementary school!"
"That doesn't count, Y/N." You know he's right. You haven't dated since forever, so when you finally get asked out, you need advice and help from your best friend.
Except this best friend likes you. Jay looks at you for a while before he sighs and walks to the couch, sitting down while you approach him. "Do I look okay?"
"Do you know anything about him?" He ignores your question and turns to you.
"His name?" You mutter, your lips forming a straight line. "Damn, no, he's just my senior?"
"So you don't really know anything about him." He sighs. "Y/N, it's not just about how you look. You should know more about the person you're going out with. Their interests, values, and what they're looking for in a relationship."
"Do you think I don't know? It's just that everything happened so suddenly and this date itself is a way to get to know him better." You scoff.
"I'm not trying to-" He starts but you interrupt him, throwing your hands in the air.
"Can't you just tell me if I look pretty or not? Instead of analyzing every little detail?" You plead and he looks at you for a moment, trying to find the right thing to do.
"I'm sorry, Y/N, I just... worry about you. This is different, and I don't want to see you get hurt." The way he admits this and the way his voice is barely above a whisper make your eyes soften.
"What are you talking about, Jay? It's just a date. I appreciate your concern, but I'll be fine."
"It's not just a date, Y/N. Not for me, at least." His voice trails off, and he averts his gaze, unable to meet your eyes. "You... look beautiful."
"Jay." You frown, tilting your head as you try to look at him but he grabs your hand and pushes you away until he's pining you to a wall. "What-"
"You said you wanted to practice kissing." He's looking into your eyes, his gaze leaving you breathless.
Your voice catches in your throat as you try to find the right words, but before you can respond, Jay's lips softly brush against yours. The world around you fades away as the gentle pressure of his kiss sends shivers down your spine, igniting a whirlwind of emotions within you.
He doesn't kiss you, just barely, and you're dying with anticipation. His lips linger so close to yours, teasingly close, and you can feel his warm breath mingling with yours.
"Jay..." Your heart pounds in your chest, and you can practically hear the sound of it echoing in the room.
"Do you want me to kiss you?" He asks, his voice making your heart skip a beat. It's as if the world holds its breath, waiting for your response. "Hm?"
You don't answer. You can't.
The tension between you and Jay had always been there since the day the two of you kissed while drunk, but he said it was a mistake and you never talked about it again.
Slowly turning your head to the side, you hear him gulp as he pulls away from you.
Jay's retreat leaves a void, a space filled with confusion and longing. He averts his gaze when you look at him and clenches his jaw. "I shouldn't have done this-"
"It was a mistake. Again." You mutter, the bitterness making him frown. You've been dancing around your feelings so much that it's starting to tear you up.
"You have a date, Y/N." He says and turns around. "Kiss him without thinking of me."
And then he walks out of your house, leaving you standing there, your heart heavier with every step you imagine him taking away from you.
You take a shaky breath, trying to process everything that has just happened. The realization hits you like a wave crashing upon the shore—you can't go on pretending anymore.
"Kiss him without thinking of you?" You scoff, wiping the tears that well up in your eyes. "How can I possibly do that when you're the one I've always wanted?"
Yet, you still meet your date, keeping Jay in the back of your mind. Your date is fun, nice, and good-looking, but you keep comparing him to Jay, and suddenly he's the last man you'd like to date.
The more time you spend with him, the harder you find it to feign interest in his jokes and stories. Every moment feels like a betrayal to your own heart, a painful reminder of everything you have with Jay.
Until you reach a point where you can't take it anymore. "I'm so sorry, but my heart isn't fully in this."
And then you're running to Jay's house, the pounding of your footsteps mirroring the frantic beating of your heart. With every passing second, the urge to see him, to talk to him, grows stronger.
You arrive breathless at his doorstep, knocking anxiously before the door opens and Jay stands in front of you. His eyes are slightly red and wide open as he takes in your presence, and without realizing it, he opens the door wider for you to walk inside.
"What's wrong?" His eyes are filled with concern and worry as he holds your shoulders and makes you face him. "Did he do anything to you-"
"He called me pretty." The words slip from your lips, your voice trembling. "But you know what upsets me now? The fact that while with him, I couldn't stop thinking about you."
"Y/N-" His words stop when he notices the tears in your eyes.
"He called me pretty but does he know that I'm afraid of thunder? Or that I get nightmares when I sleep without my favorite blanket? Or how I always play with my necklace when I'm anxious? Tell me, Jay, does he know that I hate physical touch but I love it when you hug me?"
He lets go of you, his eyes widening as he takes a step back and runs his fingers through his hair. "You shouldn't-"
"He doesn't know these things, but you do. You've always noticed these little things about me because you care about me. Because you love me." You say, looking him in the eye while he avoids you.
"I don't think we should do this, Y/N. I'm scared our friendship-"
"I can't go back now, Jay! I want you and I love you, and that drunk kiss wasn't a mistake to me. Fuck it, I wasn't even drunk that day, and I wanted to kiss you!" You admit, slightly raising your voice, making Jay widen his eyes.
"What..." He freezes.
"I'm not going to pretend that everything is okay when clearly nothing is... I want you to kiss me and I want you to love me-"
Before you know it, his hand is holding your neck while his lips crash onto yours. The kiss is everything you've imagined and more.
Jay's grip on your neck tightens ever so slightly, a raw display of the overwhelming need he has for you.
Your senses are overwhelmed by the taste, the touch, and the intoxicating scent of him, and time dissolves, leaving only the two of them locked in an embrace that blurs the boundaries of reality.
"I love you, Y/N." He breathes against your lips, his forehead touching yours. "Fuck... I love you so much."
