Life without Sunghoon was a bittersweet void that you barely managed to fill. You cried a lot and missed him a lot, but you still lived, in a world where his presence is no longer filled with laughter and warmth.
You miss his sweet smile, his gentle touch, and how he effortlessly brightens up even your dullest days.
Every corner of your life seems to hold a reminder of him. The café where you used to spend lazy Sunday afternoons, the park where you took long walks hand in hand, the songs that you listened to while cozy in each other's arms.
The world has changed, and it feels like a different place without him by your side.
You busied yourself with work, throwing yourself into tasks and responsibilities that demanded all your attention just so you can forget about him. But no matter how you occupied yourself, the longing lingered.
You haven't heard of him for a while, and it's been two months. Two months of drifting back to memories of two years.
Haneul went abroad for work and you surrounded yourself with new people, hoping that you'll be fine on your own. And somehow you are, except on nights when you miss him so much it hurts.
You wish for only a glimpse of him but you know you can't and what hurts even more is that when you're supposed to hate him, you just can't help but love him even more.
When Haneul came back to Seoul, she said that she'll organize a gathering for all your friends and you couldn't say anything. Everyone wanted to welcome her and you couldn't ruin it just because of what happened with Sunghoon.
"Are you going to be fine?" She asks, her face etched with concern. "I just want you to have fun there."
"I'll be fine." You smile. "I promise."
"Can I admit something? Don't be mad." She says and you frown. "Sunghoon texted me and we talked... about you."
You freeze, your heart skipping a beat at the mention of his name. "What did he say?"
"He said he misses you a lot," She smiles a little. "I don't know why the two of you are taking a break but he said he was selfish."
He was indeed selfish when he liked her while being together with you. But Haneul has no idea about anything and you can't blame anyone, really.
"Thank you for being honest with me." You nod and give her a grateful smile.
"I hope things get better for you two. You make the perfect couple." She wraps her arms around you and you just put your chin on her shoulder and sigh heavily.
The day of the gathering arrives and you look at yourself in the mirror for one last time before you step out of your house. Jiwon, one of your old friends, insisted he'd drive you to Haneul's house and you accepted.
"Hey," His car stops in front of you and you smile, opening the door before you get inside. "When did you get this hot, Y/N?"
His comment makes you feel a little uneasy but you brush it off and smile. "Thank you for the ride."
When the two of you step inside the place, all eyes are on you. Your friends greet you while you stand next to Jiwon. And when you turn to face whoever's gaze is piercing you, your heart skips a beat. There, standing among the crowd, is Sunghoon. His eyes meet yours and he doesn't look away, instead, he keeps his gaze fixed on you.
"What's wrong?" You feel Jiwon's hand on your waist and your eyes widen, startled by the unexpected and unwanted touch.
"Oh, um, nothing. I just..." You stammer, taking a step back, but he pulls you closer to him and your unease grows.
"What? You don't like me touching you like this?" He smirks. "I thought you like me-"
Jiwon doesn't get to finish his sentence when Sunghoon punches him in the jaw, sending Jiwon staggering back. The room falls into stunned silence as everyone turns their attention to you three.
"Touch her again and it will be the last thing you ever touch." Sunghoon clenches his jaw, holding your hand as he pulls you behind him.
And you stand there, staring at your intertwined hands before he pulls you with him out of the place. "Sunghoon..." You call, making him pause.
"I'm sorry." He turns to face you, but his head is down low. "I didn't want to make a scene but I couldn't just let him touch you like that when I've been longing for a mere touch all this time."
You stare at him, his words sinking in. There is a raw vulnerability in his apology, making you feel how regretful he is. "I just-" You reach out to touch his arm but he holds your hand and looks at you, the tears glistening in his eyes.
"I'm one hell of an asshole. I've been going back to that night when I let you go and I regret it every. single. time. I missed you so much and I really can't live without you. You've been, on my mind every day and I just feel so fucking bad for making you feel left out."
You don't even realize you're crying until he cups your cheek and wipes your tears. "But w-why..."
"I don't like Haneul." He shakes his head and sighs. "She was my first love and meeting her again made me realize that my feelings for her were nostalgic, not romantic. That's not love, love is what I feel for you."
You let out a sob, looking down as tears stream down your face. The flood of emotions overwhelms you, making the uncertainty and pain linger. Sunghoon gently lifts your chin, his eyes searching yours. "Love is when I can't sleep at night because I can't stop thinking about you. Love is when my heart skips a beat every time I see your smile. Love is the ache in my chest when I imagine a life without you."
"I don't want to get hurt again, Sunghoon, I really don't." You shake your head and his heart breaks.
"I want to be good for you, Y/N, I will make you happy." He lets out, his voice cracking. "I'll kneel down in front of you and beg if you want me to. I feel like a caged animal. I have so much love for you, I have so much I want to do with you but I can't do any of it."
"Sunghoon..." You look into his teary eyes, your heart breaking into a million pieces.
"I would crawl through shattered glass just so you love me again, Y/N." He looks down, his hair falling on his forehead. "But if you can't love me, if you're done with me, I can just leave."
"Sunghoon, I never stopped loving you. I wanted to hate you so much but I couldn't." Your words make him look up, his eyes filled with hope and disbelief. Tears well up in your eyes as you reach out to gently cup his face. "I've been hurt but all I can do is love you-"
And for a second, the world stops and his hands are cupping your cheeks while his lips gently meet yours.
You can taste his desperation, his longing and his love. And you've never felt more certain about anything in your life.
