I'm a Healer, But...

30

There's a lot of things to say about seeing Sapnap.The nicest- he's kind of missed him. Of the three, Sapnap was the one he had the least bad memories of. It's not saying much, but Sapnap never deliberately hurt him, and he didn't like when Dream did, and he thought George putting him to sleep was wrong. It wasn't enough, but it was something, and Tommy didn't have anything else back then.The worst- he wants to kill him. Sapnap has his discs. The discs Dream stole, because Tommy was bad, because his discs were bad just because they were made by a villain. Fuck, Sapnap probably had them the night he comforted Tommy through his crying fit. And even worse than that, he's standing next to a boiling Charlie- what else could have done this, besides Sapnap's powers?The weirdest- Sapnap looks so comfortable. Not feelings-wise , no, Sapnap looks like he was already panicking before Tommy showed up. More like... he looks comfortable in his own skin. Probably because he's actually wearing it for once.Sapnap's a demon hybrid. Dream told Tommy about it the day he introduced him, partially praising it and calling Sapnap cool, partially a warning that Sapnap was dangerous, that Tommy shouldn't get too close, he could get hurt. Of course, Sapnap didn't look dangerous. That day- and most days, in fact- he just looked like a regular guy.Then Sapnap started babysitting him, and then he didn't feel like putting on the facade anymore, so he would shift into his true form. Tommy still found it cool, even back then, when Sapnap's skin would shimmer and change to black scales and horns sprouted from the top of his head.With his true form did come more dangers, though. When he was human-shaped, a lot of his demonic strength and fire powers were partially sealed off. He was still strong, still capable of starting fires, but it was nothing compared to when he was a demon. Sapnap wasn't the best at controlling it that way, though- he said it was much harder to control that amount of power- and sometimes a pat on the back would knock Tommy to the ground, or a guiding hand would leave a burn scar. Sapnap would apologize, and let him heal any injuries Sapnap caused as long as Tommy promised not to tell Dream, so Tommy didn't mind that much. At least they were accidents instead of punishments.But now he's in his true form, the one he never used except when he was alone with Tommy. Never wanting to make George uncomfortable, always listening to Dream when he brought up the dangers, Sapnap was always stuck in his human form- but now he's here, with Quackity, and with Charlie in a melted puddle on the floor.It's weird. It's confusing. It's- "What the fuck happened?" Tommy asks, gritting his teeth as he glares down Sapnap."Tommy, you- what are you-?" Sapnap just sounds confused, like he's just ignoring the fact that there's an unresponsive Charlie laid between them, that he probably did this to."What the fuck did you do to Charlie?!"Quackity awkwardly starts to stand, unable to brace himself with how burned his hands are. "There was an accident," he says, voice high-pitched with alarm. "There's- can you just heal him, we can sort this out after-""'This'?" Sapnap interrupts, looking at him. "Babe, you- you know Tommy, you knew I was looking for him and you fucking- you just let me wonder? "Oh, great. This is- so much, and Tommy doesn't have fucking time for it. He starts peeling off the jewelry on his hands and wrists- he doesn't want them to melt if he's about to try to heal still-bubbling slime- and pushes them into Ranboo's hands. "Hold onto those."Ranboo squeaks, but holds them close to his chest, and Tommy strides over to Charlie, ignoring the bickering... couple?... above him as he kneels down. He braces himself for pain before shoving his hands into Charlie's chest.It fucking burns, obviously- if he wasn't healing himself at the same time, he thinks his skin might actually fucking melt off. Tommy gasps sharply for breath, but desperately tries to ignore it and clings to what he can feel of Charlie. It's not the same as healing a person, not at all. Healing people is like... feeling what's wrong, and tugging on it until it fixes itself- pulling split skin together, reconnecting severed nerves, pushing all the illness in a body to one spot and then squishing it into nothing- but this is so... disconnected. Like every inch of slime is its own person.Tommy doesn't know where to start. He does anyway, trying to cool the heat like it's a fever, and it... sort of works, but it only cools the sections he's actively touching. He has to move his arms through Charlie's body and start healing again, and again, and again. It's strangely tiring, but he isn't done yet.When the slime has cooled to almost room temperature, it's a start, but a worrying amount has... evaporated? Boiled off? He doesn't know what to call it. It's... dehydration, either way, he guesses, and that's harder to fix than hunger, especially when he has to keep restarting his healing every time he touches a new bit of slime. Still, the puddle of Charlie starts to move a little when he's mostly rehydrated, and it gives Tommy hope when he pulls back, needing to catch his breath. He's dizzy, and Tubbo drops to his knees next to him, putting an arm around him and giving him some support to stay upright .Sapnap and Quackity are still fighting. "- you're the one who wanted to stay out of Las Nevadas business, Sapnap, you said to keep everything to myself so you wouldn't have to risk reporting it-""You still could have said something when you knew I was looking for him, specifically! Hell, you could have told me after I quit !""And you could have told me how fucked up you all treated him! I saw what Tommy was like when he got here, when he was starved and-""I wasn't able to help him with Dream around! If he was here, I could have-"Charlie sits up. "Quackity from Las Nevadas, why are you arguing with Sapnap from your bedroom?"Quackity scoffs. "Charlie, I said to stop calling him-" He freezes, and then turns to look at him. Charlie, who's noticeably smaller than usual, but back to his normal hue and shape. " Charlie!" The fight already forgotten, he immediately falls to the floor, wrapping his arms around Charlie in a hug- not too tight, or he'd risk squishing him.Charlie beams and hugs Quackity right back. "We're hugging!""I thought- I thought you died- " Quackity's breath hitches, catching on tears."Oh, silly Quackity from Las Nevadas! I can't die! ...except when I turn to dust, like people do!""You- you were boiling, Charlie, I-""I can't think when it's that hot!" he says happily. "I'm not a magma cube, after all!"Quackity pulls back to just stare at him for a moment in confusion and disbelief before letting his head drop. "I just- I'm not going to ask. I'm just happy you're okay, man.""I'm happy you're happy!"Sapnap hovers over them awkwardly. "Charlie, I, uh... I'm... sorry about-""Sapnap from Quackity from Las Nevadas's bedroom! You should ask Badboyhalo-" Sapnap flinches at the name. "-from the Badlands for advice on not accidentally burning people with your hands! It would be very bad if you burned someone with less protective meat and bones than I have!""That's not how humans work, Charlie," Quackity mumbles tiredly.He can't be anywhere as tired as Tommy, though. He has to depend on Ranboo and Tubbo's help to get to his feet. "I, uh... I think you're all good," Tommy says. "I don't know. That was- that was weird to heal. Um, not as bad as regrowing limbs, worse than... worse than Withering. Don't do that again."Sapnap snaps his head over to look at him again. Tommy doesn't look back at him. "Wait, Tommy-""Ace, you owe me," Tommy says. "Right?""Yeah- yeah, whatever you want," Quackity says, also ignoring Sapnap. "I- thank you so much, I'm- sorry I didn't- I didn't want you two to run into each other like this, if I knew you knew Ranboo, I would have sent Sapnap away before I called-" Sapnap lets out a surprised and upset noise."Whatever," Tommy says sharply. "You can pay me back by getting my discs from this guy. It seems like you two are on good terms, you can figure it out between you two, but I-""Wait!" Sapnap yells over him. "Wait, Tommy, I- I've got them here. I mean, not here here, but upstairs- I'll get them."Tommy looks at him, startled, and they make eye contact- exactly what he was avoiding, but oh well. Sapnap looks... almost frantic, even more so than when Tommy arrived to find him standing over what was basically a corpse. Tommy doesn't... understand. "...you'll just give them back to me?""Yeah- yeah, of course, it shouldn't even be your payment, they're yours. "Wow. That's bold to hear from Sapnap. "...so what, you were just keeping them from me for fun?"Sapnap shakes his head quickly. "No! Dream was- he was going to break them. I talked him down and got them, but..."Break them? But- they were collateral. Dream couldn't just break them, not if he wanted to keep holding them over Tommy's head-Then again, Dream had so many other things he could hold over Tommy's head. Affection, praise, the positive reinforcement he was desperate for. The discs were a symbol of the Syndicate, of Wilbur who kept eluding him, and more importantly, something that Tommy cared about more than he cared about Dream. He hated Tommy's discs. And maybe- maybe if he broke them, he'd find some fucked up joy in manipulating Tommy with something that didn't even exist anymore, in false promises of getting back the items he loved that he would never see again-Tommy warbles, a miserable sound, and Quackity tenses. Sapnap just looks confused, but he takes a step back. "I'll- get them now, you just- wait here, it'll be like five minutes-" He runs out the door. Tommy shouldn't trust it- even if Sapnap suggested earlier that he quit being a hero, even if he's apparently... the fiancé that Tommy hadn't met yet- he shouldn't trust that Sapnap is just going to retrieve his discs. He's probably calling George, or maybe the Hero Organization all together, to turn him in.But just the idea of getting his discs back safely, of being able to bring them home and keep them in his bedroom, near his nest- he might cry tears of joy. He needs them. They're his."Uh- Tommy?" Quackity asks. "Was that- are you-?""He's an avian, boss man," Tubbo answers for him. "He didn't know until recently, but yeah." Tommy keeps leaning against him."...shit," Quackity murmurs. "Uh- Tubbo, how do you know-?"Ranboo interrupts this time. "Oh, it turns out Tommy and Tubbo were friends in foster care." He's just happy to share something he remembers, the concept still a novelty to him. "And Tubbo was Tommy's first flock member!"Quackity eyes him with confusion. "...okay. You seem a little...""Healed his brain damage," Tommy answers, and the circle is complete."...wow. Okay." Quackity sighs. "That's- a lot. I'm glad you're, uh, doing okay with the Syndicate.""Yeah, it's... it's good," he says awkwardly. It is- Tubbo's there, Ranboo and Techno are there- but it's a little uncomfortable to admit to Quackity, of all people. "So... you and Sapnap-?""It's complicated.""Yeah, no shit. He's, what, you and Karl's other fiancé?" Quackity winces and nods. "And... you kept me showing up here a secret from him.""You helped Karl. I owed you more than just sending you off to the Syndicate." Quackity stands up, Charlie following suit, though he's about half of Quackity's height right now. Hopefully he'll make more slime... somehow. Tommy isn't gonna help with that. "And Sapnap and I were having... problems, considering our professions.""...do you have a hero kink or someth-""No," Quackity says immediately, though he's turning red. Tubbo gags. "No! I met them when they were off duty together, it was a coincidence- ""Suuure," Tommy says, leaning on Tubbo a little more. He thinks he might fall asleep standing up if he doesn't keep talking. "And I'm not the biggest man around."Tubbo pats his back. "I'm glad you're coming to terms with it."Tommy chirps, as offended as he can get when he's so tired. "Bitch!"Quackity clears his throat, shifting awkwardly. "Anyway- it's better now that Sapnap's quit, there's still a few, ehhh, issues-""Wait, didn't you have Tech torture Gogy for you?" Quackity falls suspiciously silent, and Tommy snorts. "Fucked up.""Sapnap knew," Quackity hisses. "He tried to get it out of George first and he couldn't, so he let me do what I needed to as long as George didn't get too hurt.""...double fucked up, but I respect it." Sapnap agreeing to hurt George seems... fake. But Sapnap offering Tommy his discs back seems fake, too. Fuck, Sapnap dating a villain seems fake. It's all fake! Or maybe just the Sapnap he thought he knew was.Or maybe Tommy just always thinks the worst of everyone.It's not long before the door slams open, Sapnap rushing through it. Tommy furrows his eyebrows- he's human again for some reason- but then his eyes go wide. Sapnap's actually holding the discs. Sapnap comes to a screeching halt in front of him, and holds them out.It takes Tommy a second to reach out for them. He can't believe it, not really, until they're actually in his hands, and even then it still doesn't feel real. His discs, the first gift he ever got, the first gift from his flock , and he finally has them back. He has them back.Tommy almost collapses. Instead, he manages to hold back his tears and just holds the discs tightly. "Thank you," he says quietly, staring down at them. He's so tired. He's feeling so much."I'm sorry, Tommy," Sapnap says back, and Tommy's head shoots back up to look at him in disbelief. But Sapnap looks... genuine. Sadly genuine. "I'm sorry," he repeats. "I should have tried to stop Dream. I should have gotten actually involved instead of looking the other way. And I shouldn't have teased you about stupid shit all the time, either."He grabs onto a tiny piece of anger, just something , so he won't just accept it. "...you made fun of me for being so depressed I couldn't shower , Sap."He winces like the sentence actually hurt him. "I didn't- I didn't realize that was what that was. I thought you were just being a gross teen, like I was. I'm sorry about that, too."Tommy isn't used to apologies. Ranboo apologizes, but for stupid shit, like not remembering something from when his brain was fucked, or for walking past Tommy when he feels like he's in the way. So that doesn't really matter. Wilbur apologizes, but it's always for something he actively did, like going through his shit or fucking borderline mind controlling him.This is different, sort of, because most of what Sapnap is apologizing for is... not doing something. For being a bystander, the same way George was, but where George still acted like Tommy deserved it, Sapnap... doesn't.And where Wilbur apologizes because he doesn't want Tommy to be mad at him, Sapnap is serious. He's sorry because he did something wrong. Because he knows the good days they had weren't enough to make up for how Sapnap looked away on the bad ones. Because Tommy got hurt because he wasn't willing to fight with his friend for him."...Tubbo, can you...?" Tommy holds the discs out to him, and Tubbo takes them without hesitation. Tommy steps forward, facing Sapnap, who doesn't move. "I hate your fucking guts."Sapnap tries not to let his expression change, but it does fall a little bit anyway. "Yeah, I get it-""But you- you were closer to being a brother to me than Dream ever was." Sapnap freezes. "And I- I fucking understand, okay, I know that if, fucking, I don't know, if Tubbo killed a baby or something I wouldn't stop him because he's my fucking family and I know- I know Dream was basically yours. Even if he was shit. Even when he was shitty to you. ""He wasn't my-" Sapnap stops before he can lie. "He shouldn't have been, though."Tommy throws his hands up. "Well, yeah, he shouldn't have been! And he shouldn't have been my brother either, but we both- we both let him do whatever the fuck he wanted, because he was- ""You were just a kid, you weren't-"He takes a step closer. Sapnap still doesn't step back. "You think I don't fucking know that, Sapnap? I know it was fucked up! Dream is fucked up, and he uses everybody, and he fucked me up and I know he fucked you up too! I'm pretty sure the only person he didn't fuck up was Gogy, and that was just because he's a simp!""Tommy," Sapnap says, his voice breaking."It was so bad. Everything was awful, and I'm- you don't even know how fucked up I am over it, I- I've got all this regular trauma and then hybrid trauma and I can't even trust that the people I- I fucking care about won't end up like Dream, that they're not just using me and that they'll change as soon as I'm trapped with them-" Tommy rubs at his eyes, because of course he can't hold back his tears anymore. "-and fuck you, fuck you for letting him fuck me up, and thank you for giving me an out. Thank you for telling me I had options, even if that wasn't really what you meant, and thank you for fucking- never making me feel like a burden the way George did, and for apologizing when you hurt me, and for- for helping me pick out my own fucking name. ""Tommy." And then Sapnap's hugging him, and Tommy cries harder, but Sapnap is so warm. Not burning, like he would be if he was in his demon form, but still so warm. He wishes he'd ever gotten this at Dream's. He wishes he'd met him under literally any other circumstances. He wishes that Sapnap could be his-He has to stop himself. He won't chirp. He can't. Because Sapnap isn't flock. Not now. Not when Tommy is still so screwed up. Not when Sapnap is busy figuring out his own shit, now that he isn't a hero or 'Dream's partner' anymore. Maybe someday. Not today."I'm so sorry," Sapnap whispers. "And- I'm glad you got out. Fuck, I'm- I'm glad Dream died. I'm sorry.""Shut the fuck up," Tommy says, hugging him back. "I hate you. Thank you.""Quackity from Las Nevadas," Charlie whispers far too loudly. "I think they're having an emotional moment.""...yeah, Charlie, they are," Quackity actually whispers, but still loud enough for Tommy to hear."You said we're supposed to leave people alone when they have emotional moments. ""That's different, that was-"Ranboo starts whispering too. "You wouldn't actually kill a baby, would you?""Depends how annoying it is," Tubbo says at regular volume.Tommy takes the opportunity to pull back and rub at his face again, trying to get rid of the tear tracks as his crying slows. If he keeps crying all the time, he's going to get as dehydrated as Charlie was. "You're going to fucking make it up to me. We're going to fucking, I don't know, figure out a friendship or- or something, because Quackity's basically Tubbo's stepdad and Karl's cool and- and I'll be around because I'm the Syndicate's healer.""You're... what?""...yeah, long story."But Tommy will tell it to him, because they've taken their first step to something better. To healing.