I'm a Healer, But...

35

The first thing Tommy does after recovering from the shock of the collision is pat his pocket frantically. Sure, he could go take another potion from Techno's storage, almost definitely, but then he'd also probably have to explain himself before Techno would let him, which... he doesn't want to do. This will go much smoother if no one knows what he's planning beforehand.Luckily, the bottle is still unbroken in his pocket. Which is a little weird- he hit the ground hard - but he's not complaining. It's always a pain to heal injuries with glass in them."Tommy?" Phil asks, a little dazed from his own fall. "Are you alright? Why the rush?""I'm fine, king, just on my way to talk to Wilbur," he says quickly, stumbling over his words a little as he gets to his feet. Without thinking, he grabs Phil's hand to drag him to his feet, too. Phil doesn't hesitate to take it and let himself be pulled up, but he does pause after that."Do you need to talk to him this moment? If you have a few minutes, I'd like to talk to you, too," he says, his voice careful, like he's handling a bomb instead of Tommy, who's his... his nothing, right now, but if all goes according to plan...Wow, he cannot think about that right now, it brings up so many emotions at once that he feels nauseous. What was he asking? "Uhhhhh," Tommy drags out as he considers. He wants to get this over with- he already chickened out once, he can't do it again, and he's sure he'll feel better when it's over and done with and then- then-But this is Phil. Phil, who Tommy's been kind of freezing out of his own family. Tommy winces at the thought. Bit fucked up of him, actually. And when this is over with, Tommy will... they'll be flock, so maybe he can spare a few minutes. Just a few! And then he'll get back to hunting down Wilbur."Sure, but if Techno shows up I'm gone."Phil blinks at him. "You're avoiding Techno?" he asks, sounding concerned."I'm avoiding the consequences of my actions, " Tommy clarifies in a way that actually clarifies nothing. "I don't think he's actually chasing me, though. Probably fine. Don't worry about it!"Phil just blinks again. "...if you're sure. Why don't we move to the- to my nest, then?" he suggests, a little hopeful.The thought makes Tommy hunch his shoulders up- he's not sure how he feels about that. Phil's nest was great when he was... kind of having a breakdown or whatever it was... but he has his own nest now, so willingly going to Phil's feels kind of like... if he walked into Dream's room. Which he only ever did once, right before running away. It's like enemy territory.Then again, he doesn't want Phil in his nest yet, either. Not until they're flock - which has now become a certainty in his mind. They will be flock. He has to fight down the chirp that threatens to bubble up and accept Phil right now, and he pinches his mouth together to stop it."Or not," Phil says. "We could go to, ah, the living room, maybe? Or... anywhere, really, besides standing around in the hallway."Ah, fuck. This is a conversation, not just a talk. "We can go to the nest," he grumbles, and Phil immediately lights up before leading the way.The nest is the same, except for the very dead flowers. Did Phil really leave them in here all that time? That's kind of gross. ...maybe Tommy should replace them? For now, he just shoves the dead ones to the side and drops into his part- no, he doesn't have a part of Phil's nest. The part of the nest he stayed in before, then. Tommy crosses his arms. "What did you want to talk about?"Phil doesn't answer at first, fluffing up part of the nest. Tommy's uneasy, part of his brain calling this wrong-wrong-wrong, that he shouldn't be in Phil's nest. Another part is trying to call him flock, flattered by Phil keeping the flowers and now organizing the nest to better fit him. It's just as nauseating as thinking about Phil maybe being his-"Well," Phil starts. "I was wondering if there was anything I could do for you.""...huh?" Tommy cocks his head. "What do you mean?"Phil sighs. "Well, I mean that you're... uncomfortable with me. For obvious reasons, your instincts don't like-" He cuts himself off sharply. "No, I can't use that as an excuse. You have carnivores and another avian in your flock. It's not about species, it's about me. "Tommy sinks down in his spot in the nest, wanting to let the blankets drown him. "Well, uh, Phil, it's not really...""You don't need to cover it up." Phil finally joins him in the nest, leaving a little space between them. "I just want to know what it is. How can I fix it? How can I make you more comfortable?"He winces again. "I'm... I can fix it myself, Phil, I'm going to. Just give me, like-""Is it the nest?" Phil interrupts. "I've thought about improving it, but I don't know what you'd like to keep in it- you like the jewelry Techno gives you, right? I could incorporate that.""It's- it's not the nest, big man," Tommy tries to tell him, but Phil is barely paying attention, sounding almost neurotic as he goes on."Or- I know Techno makes you all your meals now, other than those waffles the other day. If you let me prove that I can provide for you again-"Tommy quickly shakes his head. "No, Techno- he likes cooking for me, that's a conversation we gotta have some time too actually-"Phil bulldozes right through that topic, too. "Then there's- I could start-"This is pathetic. It's painful to listen to, and Tommy can't stop himself from cutting him off. " Phil. It's because you're- you're trying to be my- my dad." The word sounds wrong coming out of his mouth- he's almost never had a reason to say it before. He shifts uncomfortably.Phil, meanwhile, is frozen. Tommy isn't looking at him, but he can still tell he's completely still. "Oh," he says after a long moment. "I see."The hurt in his voice brings a spike of anxiety- whether it's guilt that Tommy hurt his feelings, or fear, he can't quite tell. "Okay that's not exactly- I mean don't get it twisted Phil, it's not that I don't- I mean you're great, really you are, one of the greatest men probably, big fan of your wings and some of the fucked up shit you've done to Dream before we met-" He's just spewing words now. He tries to reel it back in. "But I've never had one of those before.""But... you had foster parents before you stayed with Dream, didn't you?"Tommy snorts and glances over. "Yeah, but not ones that liked me. I mean, the farmer was alright, all I had to do was some chores around the farm and I could do whatever I wanted, right? But before that- I was a problem child, yeah? Loud and made a lot of noises and did a lot of things that didn't make sense, holy shit the system failed me by not checking me for hybridism- but I never had, uh, parents. And I was in the foster system as soon as I was born, I think. Don't know shit about my actual parents.""Oh, I see," Phil says again, still sounding pained, but... not as hurt this time. More like he's pitying Tommy, which he does not care for at all, but- at least he's not as upset now. "So it's that this is... new to you.""Yeah. That and some other trauma shit I'm trying to figure out, but like- I don't know. I don't know how I feel about having a... dad. Even if Techno and Wilbur are my... brothers, I guess, it's- it's weird to think that comes with a parent this time. I mean, I guess technically the Captain was my mom? But maybe only legally, only saw her a few times, and they never really said that, she just pretended to be my social worker and then she tried to homeschool me for a bit until she admitted it was fucked up what she did and then Dream stopped letting her come by so-"He stops when he sees how horrified Phil looks. Has he not brought this up before? He can't keep track of which parts he's brought up to which person, and there's no way he's gonna have a fun little family meeting where he sits down the whole flock to hash out his entire tragic backstory, but-"Puffy did what?" Phil asks faintly....oh. Didn't Phil say, ages ago, that he and the others had some associates in the Hero Organization? Hm. "Uh... well, I told the Captain I didn't want to work for the heroes, so... she came back as a social worker and introduced me to Dream. Who I guess is- was- her kid, because she always treated him like it and called him her duckling or whatever- bit weird, considering she's a goat and he's a human but, y'know, whatever family petnames you wanna use I guess- and then she came by a few times to homeschool me since I wasn't allowed outside of Dream's apartment, but. Yeah. Stopped coming by."Tommy watches Phil through his explanation, watching as the horror gets worse, looking more like... hurt? Betrayal? Maybe some anger, which makes his anxiety flare right the fuck up why is he in an angry avian's nest-Phil lets out a deep sigh, leaning back in the nest, and a little bit of Tommy's stress goes with it. "I'm so sorry she did that. That's- I'm so sorry," he says quietly.Tommy shrugs, looking the other way. "I mean, that was a while ago. And Dream's dead, and she felt bad by the end of it I guess, so... whatever. My point is that I just don't know how to deal with parents. Especially not dads. So I'm just... look, I'm working on getting over it, right? It's just- the parents who came by to meet kids always hated me, and the only person who wanted to adopt me was a dickhead who fucking- slid from 'good brother' to 'abusive piece of shit' pretty fast- so it's hard to like... to like accept that someone would want to. You know?""Oh, Tommy," Phil says, and Tommy keeps staring at the wall even as he feels the nest shift, Phil moving closer. "Of course someone would want to. Of course I would want to, but- I wouldn't be the only one. Yes, you had some bad luck with prospective parents, and I'm sure unrealized avian ancestry didn't help that, but that doesn't mean that you're unwanted or anything like that."He scoffs, curling up more. "I know that," he mumbles."...it's okay if you can't trust me yet," Phil says softly."I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you, Phil. I'm fucking trying, but it's just-" He needs to get to Wilbur. That's the only chance, he thinks.Phil coos at him soothingly, and Tommy has to fight against relaxing. That's fucking cheating, frankly. "Tommy," hands grab at him, not too roughly, and he's pulled closer, the movement allowing Phil to wrap a wing around him. "It's okay. You won't be able to doubt me forever. No matter how long it takes, eventually you'll have to accept-""Shut the fuck up," Tommy says sharply, the comfort turning cold instantly. "You know saying that shit is creepy as fuck, right?"He has the gall to be taken aback, like he really doesn't realize how fucked up it is. "Well- it's true, you can't-""It doesn't matter how true it is! It's creepy as fuck! Don't say shit like that!" Tommy swallows hard. "That- you make it sound like fucking Stolkholm Syndrome, like 'oh if we keep you long enough you'll be forced to think of us as family'-" Phil chokes. "It's fucked up! I'll fucking- I'll get over my shit at my own pace, not yours, and saying shit like that just makes it worse, okay? Shut the fuck up.""I..." Phil holds him a little tighter. "I'm sorry," he forces out, the words sounding strangled, like he's trying not to chirp. "I didn't think of it like that. I meant it in a good way-""Don't give a shit," Tommy huffs."I just mean- you don't need to rush yourself. I'm a patient man, Tommy, I can wait.""Sure," he mutters, rolling his eyes. "So you're definitely not super jealous that Wilbur and Fundy got in my flock first, and you're not so clingy you'd drag me to your nest, and-"Phil squawks in offense. "Wh- I am not- listen, mate, if you don't want your instincts held against you then don't hold mine against me- ""Ohhh, Phil fucking Angel-of-Death, scariest villain in the world, laid low by a single fucking bird that doesn't want to be his bestie- ""Flock is so much different than best friends and you know that, you little shit-""Whatever will you do, Mister Angel-of-Death, when the-""It's Minecraft," Phil interrupts, and Tommy pauses, confused. He raises an eyebrow at him. "My last name. My full name is Philza Minecraft.""...it's fucking what. " He's even more confused, but he's torn between being in awe and making fun of Phil for the rest of his life."Philza Minecraft," he repeats. "I know it's a bit silly- Fundy named that game of his after me to lessen the chance of anyone finding it and using it against me. Or so he said.""...your actual fucking last name is- wait, what about Wilbur and Techno? Are they-?"Phil smiles at him. "Wilbur's actually is Soot. My wife and I planned to use it as a decoy name, to make sure he was safe from Old Magic, but I suppose announcing it actually settled it in as his real name. And Techno's true name was confirmed before we met him- it's Technoblade, for the record, just a mononym."Tommy just stares at him. Okay, first of all, Phil is just handing over full names like treats, which- aren't they supposed to be more careful than that? He was around when Old Magic was huge- fuck, even Wilbur said that people sometimes didn't give out their names when he was born, so like- Phil had thousands of years to have that whole 'don't give out your true name' thing ingrained in him, but he's telling Tommy anyway?Secondly. "My last name is going to be Minecraft?" he blurts out in excitement. "Fucking- Tommy Underscore-Beloved- Minecraft? That's- that is so fucking pog, Phil, you have no goddamn idea, holy shit-" Tommy completely ignores how Phil's eyes have gone wide, even his irises doing some... weird shit. Whatever. Not his problem. "Fucking Minecraft, primes, you know I didn't actually have a last name. Or if I did, it wasn't in the system I guess, I was only in there as Theseus, which made school and shit real annoying, and I got Dream's when he adopted me but he faked my paperwork or whatever so it said my name was Theodore Taken which is the shittiest name I think- so Tommy fucking Minecraft , holy-"Phil chirps at him- flock?- and he goes silent, surprised. He... shouldn't be, maybe, really it should be surprising that Phil didn't do this some other time, but- oh. Oh, Tommy said his name is going to be Minecraft. Like it's a certainty. Which it kind of is, because he's stealing it, but also he did just kind of confirm that he's going to accept that Phil will be his-Flock, Phil chirps again, less of a question and more of a confirmation. His hand reaches up, running through Tommy's hair- the closest he can get to preening, Tommy remembers someone telling him, and it gets harder to avoid chirping back at him. My fledgling, Phil coos as his fingers carefully untangle Tommy's hair, not so much as tugging on it. My flock."Phil," he says, a little weakly, still fighting the urge.He pays Tommy's pathetic protest no mind. You're safe, fledgling, his song promises. Safe, protected, cared for, loved..."Phil," Tommy repeats, his voice almost breaking.Loved, loved, my flock, my fledgling-He chirps.Almost immediately the hand drops from his hair and his heartbeat picks up, terrified, like he just showed weakness to a predator, but all Phil does is hug him tight again, his wings wrapping around Tommy, sheltering him from anything outside the nest. Tommy's never paid much attention to the details of Phil's wings before- they're beautiful, yeah, but they always just looked black. When he's wrapped in them like this, though, he can see- there are little pinpricks of white that look like they're almost glowing in the dark, like stars lighting up the night. Flock, Phil coos again, and he lets out another pleased chirp when Tommy repeats after him.Tommy... should be pissed, maybe. It's not the same as when Wilbur accidentally tricked him into calling him flock, but it's still- he was going to wait, alright, he was going to do the thing with Wil and then it would have been fine- but Phil saying- chirping- all that shit, it's- it was too fucking much. Like he couldn't stop himself from believing it when he chirped like that.Which- is weird and untrue, because when he lets himself realize that they're flock , that Phil wants him, there's still that painful doubt, a part of him that says it's all a trick, that things will change in a blink of an eye- but in that moment, he believed Phil completely, that he was fucking... loved and shit. God. Fuck Phil.But he's not pissed, actually. He's happy. Or maybe... relieved? Comfortable? He feels like a weight is off his shoulders. Phil's nest isn't making him anxious anymore, being near another avian isn't stressing him out because that's his avian, his flock. Phil seems just as relieved and comfortable, from how he's just chirping more affection, more promises of safety and love."...you," Tommy swallows, trying to make his mouth make words instead of chirps. "You know, if you had Wil's powers, I think you'd be fucked," he manages to get out. "You're practically spewing joy already."Phil struggles to speak clearly as well. "Well," he almost coos. "I'm just happy that my fledgling-""I'm not a child, dickhead," he mumbles. "As much as you and all those fucks want to pretend that I am.""...sure, Tommy," Phil says, his voice sickeningly fond. "If you're such a big man, I'm sure you'd be happy to accept eternity as you are, then? I'm sure sixteen is old enough-"Tommy shoots his head up to look at him. "Phil. Philza. Philza Minecraft, biggest man ever, now let's wait a minute. Would you really deny me the chance to legally drink?""Oh, absolutely," he says with a grin. "I can't imagine how much trouble you'd get into drunk.""Phiiiiil," he whines. "Didn't you say I should wait until I was eighteen anyway?""Yes, and I still think you should, but if you think you're too big to be called my fledgling...""Fine, whatever," Tommy huffs. "Wait, you're fucking ancient. Did you even have drinking ages back when you were born? ...did they even have alcohol then-?""Oh, you little shit- I don't predate alcohol! But I'm still holding you to the drinking age, regardless of how it was when I was young. It'll kill your brain cells-""We already know I can heal those!" Tommy says. "So it's basically not even a problem!""I'm hiding all the drinks in the house," Phil chuckles. "Not until you're at least eighteen.""Bitch. Fucker. Beloathed. I take back calling you the biggest man ever.""Of course you do."Phil still sounds way too happy, even as Tommy insults him. Tommy pulls himself out of his arms, even if he's still caged in by the wings. "You are a dickhead and a wrong'un and I don't even feel bad about putting off making you flock because I thought it was nice you were jealous of everyone else. I'm going to drink so much and do so many drugs when I'm eighteen.""You're going to give me as much trouble as your brothers, aren't you?" Phil asks, and Tommy's heart squeezes at how he says it, how simple it is for Phil to call Wilbur and Techno his brothers, how easily he accepts Tommy as one of his family, not just his flock."I, uh," Tommy clears his throat. "I have to- I still have to go talk to Wil.""Oh, right," Phil says with just a tinge of disappointment. He lowers his wings, freeing Tommy, who's quick to stand up."Yeah, I just- Tech suggested I do something to try to, uh, get my brain to shut the fuck up about how it thinks you guys are gonna- anyway I know what to do. So I'm gonna go... do that."Phil raises his eyebrows. "Sorry, what are you going to do to Wilbur?""I won't be long," Tommy promises in lieu of an answer. "By like- dinnertime, I guess? Everything will be good. Make a fucking feast in celebration, big man- or order in something good, maybe.""...I can do that," Phil agrees instead of pressing him further. He seems pleased, actually- probably happy that Tommy's letting him cook for him again.Tommy shuffles towards the door. When Phil doesn't say anything more, or even get up to follow him, he bolts through it, heading through the hall. He checks his pocket again, pulling out the bottle inside. The dark Weakness potion inside swirls as he looks at it- still in good condition. A painkiller, Techno mentioned offhand. Hopefully it'll be good enough.Hopefully Tommy can pull this off.