I'm a Healer, But...

33

Tommy isn't surprised when someone enters the kitchen. In fact, he's more surprised that no one came earlier- he's sure the chirping and warbling wasn't too quiet to be heard from the bedrooms. Still, they must be a fucking sight.Wilbur isn't bleeding anymore, but his pants are splattered with a dark red, and there's a small puddle of blood underneath him. The knife has been tossed aside, no longer needed, and his stained hands have returned to holding Tommy close.And Tommy's letting him, which is probably even weirder.BABY! a screech comes from the door, and Tommy idly rolls his head to look. Phil is frozen, his wings spread too wide to even fit through the door. He looks terrified.Safe, don't worry, Tommy chirps back tiredly, and he starts to pull away from Wilbur- or he tries, anyway. Wilbur refuses to let go of him."It's- I'm fine," Wilbur tries to reassure Phil. "Little- little accident in the kitchen, but Tommy fixed me right up." Tommy hums in agreement. Phil doesn't need to know more than that.The reassurance is at least enough for Phil to lower his wings, though he immediately rushes to their sides, kneeling down in the blood. "What happened? How did you get hurt- were you stabbed in the leg? What happened-"Tired, be quiet, Tommy twitters in complaint, and Phil listens. "Couldn't sleep, startled Wil, 's fine now. Fuck off." He leans into Wilbur even more, his instincts displeased with having another avian around his flock- and Tommy's human brain almost equally annoyed.It's too quiet, actually, and when he glances up, Phil is eyeing him with concern. "You're... communicating more," he says curiously, not quite a question. "Or more effectively, at least. How did you learn that?""Learn what?""...well, I guess you wouldn't notice it," Phil hums. "You're... I guess you could say you're speaking avian a little more fluently. That's a bit of a simplification, really, since it's meant to be ingrained into your instincts, but- well, you normally chirp a little more, ah...""Like a little baby bird," Wilbur jokes weakly, his voice strained from before. "You chirp like a toddler demanding whatever it wants.""Well, you did, " Phil quickly corrects. "Now it's more like... speaking full sentences."Tommy looks between them both. "...well, what the fuck does that mean?"Wilbur grins at him, not holding back his excitement in the slightest. "If I had to guess, in my ultimate wisdom-""Oh, shush, mate.""-it's probably because you've matured. Awww, my sunflower is growing up-"Tommy hisses at him- if birds can swear, there's a swear in there somewhere. "What, just fucking out of nowhere? Like a Pokemon evolution?""Like a what?" Phil asks. Wilbur seems a little lost, too."...fucking ancient, both of you. What, I just became an adult bird out of nowhere? Nothing fucking happened- ""Well," Wilbur says, voice too smug, and Tommy is about to hiss again but he's a second too late. "You did let an avian into your flock. Maybe your instincts are content that you're spending time with your own kind instead of-""Fuck off and die," Tommy forcefully drags himself out of Wilbur's arms, ignoring how his flock huffs at it. "I'm going to strangle my fucking brain if it keeps pulling weird shit like this.""You what?" Phil asks quietly before turning to look at Wilbur. "He what?"Wilbur smirks, annoyingly proud of himself. He shouldn't be, considering what a mess he just was, and it puts Tommy a little on edge. "I'm the favorite now!""No the fuck you are not, " Tommy snaps at him. "Rankings of my flock-" He holds a hand up as high as he can. "Tubbo." He puts it a tad lower. "Everyone else." He touches the ground. "You. Bitch.""...I'm the favorite," Wilbur insists to Phil.Phil just looks... upset? Which Tommy still does not fucking care for. "But- I thought-" He cuts himself off with a deep breath. "Right. Well. I'm happy for you two.""Awww," Wilbur teases lightheartedly. "Are you jealous, Phil?" Tommy snorts, amused, but quickly realizes- Wilbur isn't actually joking.Phil isn't even denying it. He's just trying to change the subject. "Are you sure your leg is alright, Wil? You didn't lose too much blood?" Wilbur answers him easily, obviously appeasing him, but Tommy isn't really listening.It's a little fucked up, maybe, to be happy that someone's jealous over him. That Phil is upset that Tommy's letting other people into his flock instead of him. Then again, it's more fucked up that he just forced Wilbur's instincts into recognizing him as flock, but y'know what, Wilbur deserved that, so fuck it.But Phil. Phil, the fucking Angel of Death. Phil, the total soft-hearted loser who apparently saw Tommy as a fledgling before they even realized Tommy was a bird. Phil, who's jealous over his own kids because he wants to be in Tommy's flock. Or for Tommy to join his? He's not sure how merging flocks works. Or if it does at all. Is Wilbur a part of two flocks now? Or did Tommy just steal him like he did Techno?Whatever, he'll figure that out later.Anyway. Does he want Phil in his flock? His instincts don't, he thinks- he doesn't like having other avians around. He only accepted Wilbur because he was terrified and didn't know what was happening, it wasn't something he or the bird brain wanted. Still, is it kind of a dick move to leave Phil out?And is it wrong if he wants to leave things like this so he'll keep feeling wanted?Phil doesn't want a healer the same way Dream did, the way Wilbur does. At least, Tommy doesn't think so. Phil wanted a healer to make Wilbur happy, but it wasn't all-encompassing. This, Phil being jealous over flock, it's different- it's about Tommy. Who Tommy is.It's impossible to believe. He wants to so badly. But he also wants to push it, wants to make this last, to feel important because of himself and not his powers. So, he'll just... let things stay as they are for now. For just a bit.Fundy stumbles through the door to the kitchen tiredly before freezing in place- Phil has knelt down, checking on Wilbur, and the blood is still everywhere, and Tommy is just staring into space, so this is probably a sight. "Uh. Did I... miss something?"Well, Tommy can leave things where they are with Phil. He raises a hand, pointing at Fundy. "You. Get over here."Fundy blinks, pointing at himself in confusion, and, when Tommy nods, he slowly approaches. The avians in the room are quiet and curious, at least until Tommy shifts to his feet and fucking tackles him with all the energy he can muster. Fundy yelps, terrified-And Tommy chirps.It's easy this time, like with Ranboo, letting someone into his flock not because he's scared or overwhelmed, but because he wants them there. And he does want Fundy in his flock. Fundy's... nice, in a weird way, in an honest way. He's an odd one out, the way Tommy is, even though he's been here his whole life and Tommy is so new- but it's fine. If Fundy's in his flock, then he's not out. He's one of them.Plus, he made fucking Minecraft.And also it makes Phil even more upset, more jealous. "You- wh- he's a fox, Tommy, that's-" He cuts himself off, taking another deep breath. "Alright. Why don't you all clear out of the kitchen, and I'll clean the floor." It's not really a question.He's tempted to push it further, and he almost does, but he's still tired- healing may not exhaust him, but he still hasn't slept yet. Wilbur grabs both him and Fundy and drags them out of the living room. He's almost vibrating with energy. "Sunflower-""What- was that?" Fundy asks. "Well, I mean- I... guess I know, but I don't know? I, uh-"Tommy slaps his back, hard enough to make him stumble. "You're flock now, bitch. So's your dad, actually, even though he sucks and I didn't want him to be." Wilbur lets out a hurt noise, and Tommy ignores it, even as his instincts flare up- don't let flock be sad why did you upset flock make it better-"I'm- what?" Fundy sounds even more confused and suddenly-Suddenly Tommy's scared again. Not like earlier, when Wilbur fucking ruined him and he thought he was dying, but- scared like he has been before. When he realized he wasn't good enough for Dream or his friends, when he thought that no one cared about him, like-Like Fundy doesn't want to be his flock?How did he not think of that? Why didn't he consider it? Why would Fundy want to be his flock, anyway- Tommy thought it'd be weird because Fundy is Dream's ex, but it's got to be weirder for Fundy, to be flock with his ex's little brother. Of course he wouldn't want to, of course Tommy isn't good enough to overcome that, why did Tommy just make himself get attached to someone who doesn't care about him-Help, he chirps, and without thinking, he takes a step closer to Wilbur. To safety, to comfort, to his flock-His flock that he stole. That he played victim to, so an already-scared Wilbur would slip deeper into his instincts, so he'd be forced to see Tommy as flock. Tommy's so selfish, so self-absorbed, so-'You're greedy, Theo. You don't appreciate what anyone does for you.'"I'm sorry," Tommy whispers."...what?" This time it's Wilbur who speaks up, but Tommy doesn't know how to answer that.'You should be grateful. You have a safe home-'A house in the middle of the woods, where no one can get to him.'-people that feed you, make sure you have what you need-'Techno bringing him meals, Phil buying him clothes and furniture and nesting materials.'-and you still want more, all the time! I'm- I'm working so hard to make sure you have a good life, I get hurt every fucking day!'Wilbur slicing his arm open, stabbing his leg, just for Tommy's sake.'You're greedy. You're insatiable. Can't you just shut up and appreciate what people do for you?'"Tommy?" Fundy asks, quiet, still confused. "I didn't- I wasn't trying to say it's-?""I'm sorry," Tommy says again, squeezing his eyes shut. That's not a good enough apology. Dream would never accept it. He needs to do better. Something is hitting the door, someone is talking, but he can't focus on anything but apologizing right. "I'm- sorry for being, uh. Being self-absorbed and- and greedy, I'll work on it, I'm sorry I can't- I can't take back what I've already- I'm sorry."It was too much stuttering, too hesitant, that's not a good enough apology either-'You don't even mean it! You just want to get out of trouble. Gods, Theo, what would it take to make you actually sorry for your actions?'"I'm sorry," he repeats as arms wrap around him. He barely feels them. "I'm sorry."Distantly, he's aware that Wilbur is chirping, holding him, trying to comfort him, but- it's Fundy he's apologizing to. It's Fundy who needs to accept his pathetic excuse for an apology... or not. Probably not. God, Tommy fucked up.Fundy is just staring back at him, looking almost... alarmed, for some reason. "I... don't know, uh..." Tommy doesn't notice for a moment too long that Fundy is playing with his power suppressor- not until Fundy slips it off and pockets it.Almost immediately, Fundy's knees buckle, and Wilbur almost shoves Tommy out of his arms to catch Fundy before he can hit the floor. It makes Tommy wince, but he gets it. He's only a few steps behind as he reaches out to take Fundy's arm and start healing yet again. The waves of pain come fast and hard, Fundy almost bending in half as he claws at his head. Tommy-He doesn't know why Fundy did this. He wanted to know something, obviously, but- it's obviously not worth it. Tommy doesn't fucking get it, and he needs to, he needs to know what Fundy's thinking so he knows how to handle it, how to apologize right so he won't get hurt.Wait.When did he start thinking that Fundy would hurt him?Why would Fundy hurt him? Even if Tommy pissed him off by making him flock- which only affects Tommy, not Fundy in any way- Fundy's never been violent. Not towards him, not at all! He's the member of his family that's the least likely to even raise a hand towards Tommy, let alone actually hurt him-Oh. Tommy's just freaking out again.It's fucking humiliating when the realization sets in. He was doing better, wasn't he? He was accepting help from his flock, he was trying to trust that the Syndicate wasn't trying to use him, but Fundy finds it weird for a second that Tommy made him flock and Tommy immediately fucking spiraled. Is he backsliding? Is he just too fucking tired to handle his own emotions? He has no fucking clue, but did he really have to embarrass himself in front of the both of them like that?Cringe."Fundy, put the- put it back on," Tommy mumbles. "Sorry, I just- I freaked out for a second, 's fine now, put it back on you don't need to-"Fundy just digs his claws in further, enough that Tommy will have to heal that too, before the pain finally wanes and Tommy can heal him completely. Fundy's hands drop to his lap, and he looks up at Tommy, looking... almost blank. "We're flock," he says simply....Tommy doesn't know how to respond to that. "Uh. I mean, I- see you as flock, but you don't have to...""We're flock, " Fundy says again as he fishes out the power suppressor. "Dad?""Yes, starlight?" Wilbur asks worriedly, still holding Fundy upright."Can you ask Grandpa to go make, uh, I think blueberry pancakes."Wilbur immediately gets to his feet. "Of course- whatever you want-" he's out the door in an instant.As soon as he's gone, Fundy turns back to Tommy, fidgeting with the power suppressor again. "Tommy- I just saw, uh, a lot of things." Ah. Fuck. "Cl- Dream being... awful, and-""I don't wanna know," Tommy cuts him off, his voice going higher than he'd like. He clears his throat. "I don't- I don't want to know what you saw. I mean, it's- fuck. I'm fine now, right, I'm-""-and I saw what you did to Dad." Tommy freezes. "You- you messed with his instincts, right? You-""I'm- sorry," Tommy tries to interrupt again, but Fundy keeps talking over him."-you tried to make him imprint, and- you know he wanted to do the same to you, right?"Tommy blinks at that. "What?""He-" Fundy sighs. "Dad wanted to be your flock. He would have done that whether you... did that or not. If you didn't imprint on him, he would... I think he'd really try to find a way to make you."Well. That's... it's not fair to call it horrifying, since he already did it to Wilbur. At least, not unless he accepts that what he did was horrifying. But if Wilbur wanted to be flock anyway- which Tommy kind of knows he did, even if it's hard to believe- it's... fine. And it's too late to worry about what Wilbur would have or wouldn't have done."And- look," Fundy continues. "You feel bad about that, and... Uncle Techno, right? And now because you made me flock, too. But... I don't mind. I just needed a minute to... process what you were saying, I guess, but I didn't mean to make you- we're flock. I'm happy you see me that way, honestly. I kind of thought I'd be, uh... the last one, if anything, so..."Tommy swallows hard, trying not to get too emotional. "I didn't- you act like you're the odd one out in your family. You're not, and I just- I didn't want you to think that you're- if." He hesitates. "If this is... if this will be my family too, someday-" Fundy's eyes go wide. "-then you're part of it. An important part of it. Plus, I like you better than Wilbur anyway, so I shouldn't have let him be flock before you.""...oh," Fundy says faintly, but they're interrupted before the conversation can continue."Phil was already making-" Wilbur stops in the doorway. "Am I intruding?" He doesn't seem inclined to stop intruding, from the way he hovers in the doorway.Fundy is equally disinclined to continue, apparently. "Making what?" he asks, voice still faint, as he starts to get to his feet."Waffles and hash browns," Wilbur says after a long moment, staring at Fundy. "Is- everything alright? You feel-""Dad," Fundy says, a little sharply, and Wilbur frowns, but drops it. He heads back to the kitchen, and Fundy follows, but Tommy stays on the ground a little longer.He said it.'This will be my family too, someday.'He said it. He doesn't- he isn't scared. He isn't freaking out. He thought that maybe, maybe, he could one day let himself see the Syndicate as family, and- and he's okay. Tommy's okay. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly, and then again. His chest isn't tight, he isn't shaking, he's just... thinking about having a family, and he's okay with it.He must be pretty exhausted to not have the energy to freak out.Or he's just relieved. Wilbur wanted to be his flock, Fundy is okay with it too, he has Techno and Tubbo and Ranboo-All that's left is Phil. But that's not a problem for today, Tommy thinks as he gets to his feet. He's going to eat some waffles, he's going to go back to bed, and then when he's well-rested... then he'll think about what to do with Phil. Where he wants to take this.Is Phil going to be his dad? Does Tommy want that? Does he even want Phil, or is he just completing the set? Does that even matter, when he'll have-?He'll have all of time to know him. To know all of them. If he accepts their offer, if he accepts being their family, he'll have forever. Forever to come to terms with the way they care about him, forever to learn skills from Techno and listen to Wilbur sing, to play games with Fundy and make fun of Phil.Eternity.Tommy doesn't think he's ever looked forward to the future before. But now? He thinks he can actually see it, and he wants nothing more than to grab it and never let go. A future he can pick for himself.He's making his choice.