moodswings, luke hemmings

or am i that unlovable?

Clover doesn't leave her bedroom for two days after that.

She hadn't decided whether or not to eat either, so she was starving— but the absolute thought of having to face her brothers after that made her stomach twirl.

She stared out of her bedroom window, watching her family outside in the backyard. Her eyes fixated on Sierra, who seemed like she was looking for someone.

Sierra's eyes trailed up to Clover's bedroom window, and she smiled lightly. Clover did her best to smile back, but nothing came from her lips.

She stood up slowly and went back to her very messy bed, bringing her legs up to her chest and holding onto them tightly. As she thought about the other day, she thought about everything else.

And a tear manages to escape her blue eyes.

"Clove?" Sierra says outside of Clover's door, causing her to immediately wipe her eyes.

Hoarse and ragged, she responded. "Yes?"

"Can I come in?"

Clover glances at the absolute mess of her bedroom, but agrees. "Yeah."

Sierra walked into the bedroom, flipping on the light which caused Clover to wince. Sierra smiles sympathetically at the teenager.

"How are you doing?" Sierra asked.

"As good as I can be." Clover shrugged her shoulders, holding her knees closer to her chest.

Sierra watched as Clover's fingers brushed over her nail indents that had still not gone away on her wrist. She frowned. "Honey," Sierra mumbled, taking Clover's hand in hers. "Can I be honest with you?"

Clover nodded.

"I think it would be best if you came to Los Angeles." Sierra said.

Clover bit her lip harshly as she took Sierra's words in for a moment. After a minute, she slowly nodded her head. "I think so too."

And luckily, three days later, Clover stood next to Luke— watching their parents load Clover's bags into the car. Clover watched intently.

"You have an awful lot of things." Luke claimed.

Clover's blue eyes rolled. "If I can recall, you live in a three story house. That's filled." She looked up at Luke, "You have the most things."

Luke chuckled, ruffling Clover's hair before walking toward Sierra.

Clover turned to face her other brothers, who were talking amongst themselves. She slowly approached them.

"Hi leaf," Ben greeted her, bringing her into a side hug. "We're going to miss you."

Clover smiled. "You'll see me at Christmas."

As Clover got into the car for the airport, and as she watched the house she lived in fade away behind the pine trees, her heart felt at ease.

Her eyes flickered to Sierra and Luke who sat next to her— Sierra's head on Luke's shoulder and Luke holding onto Sierra's hand tightly, and Clover thought for a moment.

Will I ever be that in love again? She silently asked herself, her eyes moving to her white flowey pants. Or am I that unlovable?