Kill me

15. Arianna

The feeling was terrifying, it was like my whole world was spinning, my mind was thinking a million things at once. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see, my whole body felt numb. From my hands to my feet, I felt numb and cold, my mind making me feel lost and panicked. I felt like everything was crashing down on me, all at once. The fear of my father, the fear of losing Rubin, the fear of losing myself, it was all too much.

My mind was moving so fast I didn't realise what I was even doing, I couldn't bring myself out of whatever was happening to me. I felt a hand touch mine, it was warm and familiar, it was Rubin's. He was talking but I couldn't hear him. I felt my back hit the cold counter and soon I was on the floor, my bare legs touching the cold marble floor. His hand touched mine again, I could feel it, I could hear him.

His voice was soft, I could focus on it. I could focus on his touch, his voice, he helped me. "Come back to me" He whispered, it was just barely audible, I felt myself coming back out of that panic. My mind cleared, I felt that weight fall, but I was hit with a wave of sorrow. I broke down, he held me, he reassured me but it wasn't enough right now. I just needed to let it out.

⧼---------♡--------⧽

We laid on the couch, I was in his arms, Rubin drew circles on my back and he told me I was safe. "You're okay" he whispered, I looked up at him "I don't know what happened, I was so scared" I told him, he reached his hand up and rubbed his thumb on my cheek "I know love, but you're okay" He reassured, I nodded and placed my hand under my head, against his chest.

"Love I don't want to push you but.. Tell me what happened" He pleaded "I-" I was scared to tell him "I was scared that my father-" "Ari..." He sighed "I'm worried what he'll do if he finds out, I'd lose you. He'd never let you near me" I explained "Arianna, even if he did keep me from you. He'd have to kill me before I ever give up on you, before I'd ever let him stop what we have. I'll always love you, no matter the situation" He comforted.

I felt my mind become clam, my body relaxed, my breathing slowed and my eyes grew heavy. My eyes shut and I knew I was safe, I knew I was protected. I was with Rubin, he wouldn't leave, he wouldn't hurt me.

⧼---------♡--------⧽

I felt Rubin shift and I opened my eyes enough to see he was carrying me to bed, he looked exhausted. He paced me down, covered me with the blanket before climbing in on his side. He wrapped his arm around me, and he let out a heavy sigh. I could feel his chest rising and falling as his breathing slowed and his arm relaxed, he's always so peaceful when he's asleep.

I fell asleep as well soon after, my body and mind were exhausted, I had given up today, I gave up on holding myself together, I was tired of acting like I was okay when I was hurting , I was tired of holding my walls jup around Rubin, I knew I had to just let all of it out. I can hide some things from Rubin, but not this. He needs to know how worried I am, he needs to know what I'm thinking.

He deserves the truth, he both do. I know we'll get through this but at what cost, my father is ruthless. He'd do everything he can to ruin this, I know he would. I'm just worried if he will.