𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐘𝐨𝐮...
In which a 28 year old American girl meets a 46 year old Irish celebrity, where they bond over loss and learn to love again.
First Installment of the Auden & Cillian series *UNDERGOING EDITS!*
TW: Age Gap...
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Cillian's eyes traveled around the small apartment of Auden's friend, searching for the familiar messy blonde hair and short stature of his girlfriend.
It was New Year's eve, and Brigid was hosting a party full of Dublin socialites and wannabes. He couldn't help be feel uncomfortable as he stepped through the door. Not only was the apartment thick with hot, sticky air, he was also sticking out like a sore thumb as young people laughed and mingled around him. Cillian knew he was the oldest person in the room by far, but it was the price he was willing to pay to spend the evening with Auden.
The whole charade of celebrating the new year seemed silly to him. Nevertheless, he could recall a time when the sparkle of New Years Eve parties gripped him. Back then, the turn of the year symbolized an opportunity for change. Cillian remembered the optimism he often felt, outlining upcoming roles he could audition for or screenplays to read.
Now, however, all he felt was dread and anxiety. The new year meant that he was one day closer to leaving Auden alone in Dublin — and that scared him.
Cillian had really never felt this insecure before. In fact, he remembered feeling pretty confident as a teenager and an adult. He supposed that being in the limelight had that effect on you, especially as his fame grew. The more accredited his name was, the more blunt people became about their attractions to him. Admittedly, it felt pretty good to be wanted even if he never acted on it.
But Jenni had destroyed that. Finding Jenni in their shared bed, naked, with another man was humiliating for him. He saw it as a representation that he wasn't good enough - sexually, physically or mentally. Jenni's betrayal had broken him, made him so weak that he doubted every part of his being.
And with Auden, he questioned his ability to be a partner daily. Was he satisfying her? Was he fulfilling her in ways that mattered? What amplified his insecurities was Auden's inherent tendencies to guard herself from the outside. She was so difficult to read at times that he would find himself lying in bed, going over a single interaction for hours to determine what it could mean. It frustrated him to no end. Then again, would he be questioning everything if Jenni hadn't broken him? Was it truly Auden's hesitancy to express her true nature, or was it Cillian's developing trust issues?
