Beneath the Waves

Rage

Chris knew she overreacted. She knew that Ria was probably not hiding anything and that she was just happy to see her. She felt awful. And weird. The moment she left Ria's apartment, it was as if the rage she felt dissipated. She got into her car, expecting to still have to calm down after that argument (that was about absolutely nothing) but she was calm. It was as if nothing happened. Then the guilt set in. Why had just just made Ria feel horrible about herself after she had clearly been having a good day? Why did she just go off on her like that? Why Ria?

She started her car and drove home. When she pulled into the driveway, she couldn't even remember the drive there. Lost in thought. A mix of Amma, warriors and what had just happened in Ria's apartment. She needed to think. Or read. She had no idea when Amma was going to 'call' on her again so she had to be prepared.

She took out her phone. Unsure if this was the right move after how she just went off, but to ease her guilt a little, she shot a text to Ria saying that she was sorry, that she loved her and she didn't know what had come over her. As expected Ria didn't reply, probably needing time to process everything, she tried to not let it get to her because she knew it was her own fault. She got out of her car and walked into her apartment. She didn't even bother turning on any lights, she just went straight to her bedroom, grabbed the book and sat down at her desk, the only light coming from her desklamp. She sat like this for hours, combing through all the information in the book, terrified that Amma would come back before she was ready. She didn't want to go to sleep, and when she looked up from the book it was well past 2am, her stomach protesting her lack of food intake for the day and her back making her feel like she was 10 years older than she was.

She got up to get a snack, walking to the kitchen, she turned on the lights. Nothing. Darkness remained. "Amma" she sighed, "please, I'm not ready". As if she had spoken magic words, the lights turned on immediately. She grabbed a bag of chips and went back to her room. She sat on her bed, wanting to finish off her snack and get horizontal as soon as possible, the lamp on her desk flickered as if to tell her off. Saying that she would have no sleep tonight. Resigned to her fate, she got up from her comfy bed and took a seat at her desk. She brought her duvet with her and coccooned it around her. Warm and comfy, reading glasses on, she continued her education.

She learned about the transformation (sounded painful) the training (sounded painful) and the fights (sounded really painful). She also learned that there were words of healing, but they took some time to take effect.

Basically, imagine the ghost of a nun, a face hidden like that of a dementor, and the biggest sword you have ever seen. Okay not an actual ghost, but a being that could move without touching the ground, could appear and disappear like mist, but was solid enough to have a physical fight with. A being that moved between the realms of reality, the paranormal, the parallel, the now. She was supposed to become one of these 'beings'. Or she was one already? At least that's what the book implied. It had always been inside her, but she had never needed to access it until now. She still didn't know why now exactly, but she guessed she would find out sooner or later.

Looking at a sketch of a warrior is the last thing she remembered. She woke up with her cheek stuck to the page, her clock telling her it was 11am. She checked her phone. Still no response from Ria. She was going to have to really do something big to apologize for what she'd done. What the hell was wrong with her, she still couldn't make sense of her feelings. She wasn't someone who got angry quickly, so why the hell was there a rage monster inside of her yesterday??

She looked at the book, turned to the family tree on the last page again. Her family heritage staring her in the face. Why did this have to happen to her? Was she actually about to become some kind of warrior? How was she going to fix her relationship after yesterday's outburst? So many questions, so few answers. No answers actually. All she could think about was Ria, wondering what she was doing right now, and how she felt. The guilt made her stomach lurch, she picked up the phone and clicked on Ria's face. It rang. Thank God she wasn't blocked... yet. The ringing stopped.

___________________________________________________________________

Ria looked at her phone buzzing on the kitchen counter. She picked it up, held it in her hand for a second (replaying what happened yesterday in her mind) and answered the phone.

"Hello Chris", she hated it when Ria used her name like that and Ria knew it.

"Ria... I...I'm really sorry about yesterday. I don't know what came over me, I had no reason to get that angry at you, no reason to be angry at all, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just a horrible girlfriend and I lost my shit for no reason I'm so sorry... I'm sorry..." at this point Ria could hear how hard she was trying to not cry and she softened, her heart melting a little bit.

"Chris... Chris... stop rambling, I can hear you're sorry, it's okay. I mean it's not okay... don't ever do that again... but like it's okay. I don't understand what happened, but just, I don't know... try to communicate a bit better if you ever feel that way again"

"It won't happen again, I promise... it was like this wave of rage came over me and I directed it at you and I don't know why I'm so sorry please... please forgive me..." Then in the smallest little voice "could you ever forgive me"

Ria's heart broke into little pieces. How could she not forgive her? She loved Chris more than she loved herself, or anything else. She couldn't imagine a life without her so she said "of course you silly goose, of course I forgive you. You hurt me, but I'm okay, and we're okay... or we will be. I promise"

At this point Chris couldn't keep the tears back anymore. Ria could hear them over the phone, the shoulder-heaving sobs coming from Chris' side. She tried to soothe her, but everything she said just made Chris cry more.

They stayed on the phone for hours after Chris had stopped crying. Talking things through, laughing, watching a movie together. They stayed like that until it was like yesterday had never happened.

Being like this almost made Ria feel like her life was normal again. That she hadn't just been sea monster swimming, cutting through lakewater like a shark. She just felt like Ria, and Chris felt like Chris. She had no idea how much more her life was about to change. What else could possibly happen?