dear diary | minsung

16

8/9/2014

dear diary,
life is fucking with my mental health so much and surely thinks it's a game to play with. fun. i hate that i haven't been able to write here in my diary much because of school and that i only have sixteen diary entries, i need to write more. i want a hug that's all ya know. i don't care if it's a bone crushing hug or what i just want it. i don't like starving myself but i really can't bring myself to even eat or look at food sometimes. haha, look, one who used to love food so much now has this type of relationship with food. yesterday night eomma was so worried and confused as to why i wasn't eating like i would get mad at myself or even cry in my room when it was something related to food. i hate my relationship with it. yea today during lunch changbin didn't eat because of me and he was like "im not eating if you're not eating, i want you to be healthy and you don't want that" is what he said exactly. i love him so so much for that but i just wish i could tell him, so now i've decided to pretty much just run away during lunch time to avoid making them not eat, they don't know my secret spot anyways so it's fine. mom and dad have been fighting constantly again and i despise it so much. they bring me into every single thing, i didn't eat and then they bring into my argument by mom asking me to starve myself more and not eat. don't add fuel to the fire it's not like i want to eat anyways. i've had enough. it's too much for me to handle even though i've been going through the same shit for fucking years.

dad is like he and mom are gonna give away one out of soonie doongie and dori because they're too expensive to take care of. jumping put the window looks so good right now you know, that tasty road waiting to lay my dead body in, how amazing. ok now bye im going to spend my last few moments with soonie before they take him away from me

- love, min <3