dear diary | minsung

25

25/10/2014

dear diary,
today is my 16th birthday. and today is the day i have decided something (probably something stupid to dream about since im gay and also bc im only barely sixteen). i wanna be a dad. to cats. and humans.

day before yesterday i was babysitting my cousin's baby whos really young and he's the sweetest being to ever exist. i wanted kids since i was really young since i love them very much. of course when i was younger i thought i was straight lol (lmao ofc the society we live in, my parents would kick me out if they found out about me). when i was six i was always like "i will grow up to be a successful man and have a wife and a whole family" blah blah blah blah. and then eight years later i figured i was gay. fun.

yea still being gay isn't gonna stop me. i am unstoppable HAHAHAHA. ok im kidding. anyways this entry is gonna be a tad bit long because im going to get out my feelings ha. it's been a while.

it's my birthday and it has been fun for not long until my body image issues came back. right when i was buying my birthday clothes. so every year there's a tradition at my house that on my birthday we go and buy a new outfit. i hadn't bought new clothes for a few months and had been wearing loose clothes until then. yesterday evening me and dad went to buy me a birthday outfit and when i saw myself in the mirror of that dressing room i almost cried. i hated the way i looked so much. so much so that i couldn't even looked at myself. i turned to the door and simply changed into the loose fitting clothes i'd picked out.

we bought and once we came back home i ran up here and just started crying. i got yet another anxiety attack. lovely. when's this pain gonna stop like my heart keeps shattering everytime i look at myself and it's not the way i want it to be.

well this turned depressing. i was here with the mindset of spilling all happy things but look at me. ok no depressing stuff for now just happy stuff.

i didn't wear colour dress to school because i didn't want to drag attention to me without people constantly saying "hApPy bIrThDaY." it's straight up annoying ok

so yea today i still can't believe my friends remembered my birthday like i love them so much for that. so much. changbin gifted me a necklace because he said my neck was pretty and it would be prettier with a necklace around it. very weird but ok. im not kidding he literally said that while he gave me a gift and then gave me a weird smug look at the end. i love him so much.

yea also seungkwan gifted me a 2 decks of uno cards and a deck of normal cards. during self study which surprisingly changbin too had, we all played uno together in a corner of the library on the dark floor of the dark library. we all were screaming at wins and losses but luckily the librarian didn't hear us or else our principal, mr kang would chop us up into pieces if he found out.

seriously though, mr kang's son is so much different than mr kang himself, though he does looks so much like him, his personality is so different. mr kang is such a fucking loudmouth and definitely an extrovert but then there's his son yeosang who's so chill, barely ever talks to people except for a dude named mingi who's tall as fuck.

anyways the uno was so much fun, wonwoo almost murdered seungkwan for constantly beating him in the game snd catching him not saying uno when he had one card and shoved 7 random cards his way. i always yelled when i got a +4 card. it was so much fun i already miss it. i decided to tell seungkwan about my body image issues that started again and he shoved a piece of cake in my mouth and told me to enjoy. he's such a mood.

okay this is probably the most i've written in the longest time ever, we're leaving for family dinner later today so i gotta get ready with my birthday outfit. im so excited!!

- love, min

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all these things and events happened today in my class with the best class i have, i will never find another class like this and i love them so much i will miss them, im already in sophomore year of high school and time is gonna FLY.

anw bye yall, just a reminder that ur girlypop 😍😍