The Trip Down Memory Lane

Farewell to the past.

Sitting here all alone, watching the beautiful autumn leaves and looking back at the day we played at the amusement parks. But now, I can't believe I'm wandering around the park by myself. I need you, and nobody else. I just need you here to stay beside me. All those beautiful times, we laughed together from every side, made me realize that I really need you to wipe away my tears when I cry, to be a shoulder for me to lean on, to make me laugh, to make me happy, to understand and listen to me. You captured something inside of me, you made all of my dreams come true. You know what? Wrapping a gift without you, is not the same.

I just realized that you and I are like two people standing on the shore of a beach, trying to change the color of the sunset from red to green. Despite the efforts we made, the sunset remains unchanged, a vibrant hue of red that seems to defy our will. Similarly, my heart cannot seem to accept the situation as it is, no matter how much we try to alter it. Forcing this situation will only bring more suffering to both of us. It's time to let go and allow things to unfold naturally, just like the beautiful sunset before us.

No.. I was wrong...

I was wrong, it was all my fault. Maybe I force you too hard to stay with me. I know we cannot do it. Because the sunset is indeed red, it will never change to green, pink, or any other color. The sunset remains a red sunset that envelops the world when its time comes.

Let's say the sunset represents his feelings, I am powerless to change them. His heart has been frozen in the harsh winter of past years, and I am not the summer season that possesses the power to melt the icy walls he has built around his heart. Instead, I am just an ordinary girl who finds herself in a difficult situation, unable to do anything but wait. It's a waiting game for me, hoping that someday the frozen walls around his heart will slowly start to thaw, or waiting for my love for him to fade away as time passes and seasons change.

So, here I come to understand that it is not about the reciprocation of my feelings, but about my own ability to love without expecting anything in return. It may seem one-sided and unfair, but it is the truth that I have to embrace. The pain that comes with it may be unbearable at times, but I am willing to endure it. For I know that the love I give is pure and genuine, and that is all that matters to me. I will continue to love him from afar, without any expectations or demands, and cherish the moments when our paths cross, even if it is just for a brief moment. Because in our end, love is not about receiving, but about giving, and I am grateful for the opportunity to give my love to someone who may never return it. Didn't I never expect any response regarding my feelings from the beginning, right? Yeahh, I don't need it, today, tomorrow, and beyond.

There are several reasons, right? I don't know... Perhaps it's because of the present moment, with the sky turning dark as the rain begins to fall, triggering memories from the past to resurface. Is this a case of Déjà Vu? It feels like I'm reliving the memories of the terrible sunset that we had before. It's a feeling that lingers within me, like a burden that I can't seem to shake off. If a memory eraser really does exist, may I have a chance to use it? And if I had a chance to use it, what my life would be without the pain that I am feeling right now. Would I still be holding on to something that will never be mine? Would I still be waiting for something that will never come? I don't know, but I do know that the pain is real and it's tearing me apart.

Now, I have made the decision to cut off our memories, because I know that I won't be able to have you, forever. Yet, I will keep the memories of us together, even though they may be bittersweet, deep in my heart.