Life Without You

4

"I give because I know how it feels to want."

* * *

I arrived at tutoring exactly fifteen minutes late. I had lost track of time outside with Alex. It seemed that he was actually extremely sweet despite how intimidating he was. Today, he brought us a bottle of vodka to share and though technically I was a little bit drunk at the moment as I stumbled into the library, I didn't care.

My eyes scanned the large area for my tutor that I knew nothing about. Shelves and shelves of books filled the room. In the back there was an open area with sets of tables and chairs. At one table was a group of girls giggling and looking at their latest version of the iPhone. There were two tables with people studying by themselves with earbuds in. The last table in the very back had a boy sitting at it. He was tapping his foot impatiently and kept looking at his watch, annoyed.

I made my way over to him, giggling at his frustrated face when he saw me. "It's about time you showed up." He grumbled, glaring at me. I watched him. He was most definitely not what I thought my tutor would look like. He had messy brown hair and eyes that were somehow gray and blue at the same time. His build was muscular so you'd think he'd be a jock but by the way he wore army green cargo pants and a gray sweatshirt said the exact opposite.

I sat down in the chair across from him and set my backpack down on the table. "What should we start with?" I asked, giggling again. God, I could not stop giggling.

"Are you drunk?" He asked, his eyes widening. "You have got to be kidding me."

"What's your name?" I asked, resting my chin on my hand and tilting my head to the side.

"Sam."

"Saaaaaaam." I said, holding out the A, which I found hilarious but by the look on his face I was positive Sam had not.

"What did you drink? Ten shots of vodka?" He sounded almost angry as he spoke. Why did he care so much?

"More like eight." I shrugged and pulled a textbook out of my bag. "So what are we learning?" I heard the door to the library open and I turned to see who had walked in.

Principal Wong seemed to be wearing the same outfit as yesterday just in a different color.

"Shit." I cursed. I might have been drunk but I was sober enough to know that if Principal Wong found out I had been drinking I would be in huge trouble.

Sam narrowed his eyes at me. "What?"

"Wong's coming to check on us."

"Why?" He asked, confused.

"To make sure I don't skip." I told him. "How obvious is it that I'm drunk?"

He looked at me like he thought my question was funny. "Very obvious."

Principal Wong smiled as she approached us. "Sierra I see you've met Sam."

"Yep." I said, nodding my head. I didn't realize my head was still bobbing up and down until I noticed the weird looks Sam and Principal Wong were giving me.

"Are you alright, Sierra?" She asked.

For some reason I found the question extremely funny and it took everything in me to hold back a laugh. "Never better." I said before squeezing my lips together.

Principal Wong looked extremely suspicious and just as she opened her mouth to speak Sam beat her to it. "We should probably get back to work. Sierra has a lot she needs to catch up on."

"Of course." Principal Wong's too sweet voice spoke out. "I'll leave you to it." With that she gave us one more sugary smile before she turned around and left.

I let out a heavy sigh. "That was a close one."

Sam was looking at me weirdly and it made me want to look anywhere but at him. "Come on." He sighed as he swung his backpack over his shoulder.

"Where are we going?" I asked as I stood up.

"Well there's no point in going over anything because I doubt you'll be able to learn that much after all the alcohol you've drank. Plus I'm guessing you haven't eaten much today so we should probably get you some food."

"My dad is supposed to pick me up in an hour. If he thinks we weren't studying he's going to be so mad." Memories from back when my father was an alcoholic flashed through my mind. If I knew anything it was that people don't change.

Sam must have noticed that my hands started shaking because he said, "I'll bring you back here before he picks you up. He won't know a thing."

"Okay." I nodded as Sam led me out of the library. I followed him out into the parking lot and over to his car. It was a Volvo that was extremely clean for being white and it didn't have a single dent in it. Sam climbed in and I followed his lead. As he pulled out of the parking lot I played with his radio looking for a good song. I knew it was a rule not to touch someone else's radio but I was too drunk to care and Sam didn't seem to mind.

I looked out the window and my eyes caught the car's side-view mirror. I stared at my blonde hair and brown eyes. My eyes traced the light freckles on my nose and cheeks. It reminded me how much I hated looking in the mirror. It wasn't because I thought I was ugly or because I was ashamed of the way I looked. Because honestly I knew I was pretty. Not in a conceited way. Just in the way that I was aware of how I looked. So no, my self esteem was not the reason I hated looking at my reflection.

I hated looking at myself because every time I saw my face I pictured my sister. I remembered going to the grocery store or skimming through books at the library with Amber and people asking if we were twins. We weren't. But sometimes we would pretend that we were. We'd say that we were both born in July because neither of us had summer birthdays and had always wished we did.

Amber would jokingly brag about how she was nine minutes older than me when in reality she was nineteen months older. Then after the stranger had walked away we'd giggle about what we had gotten away with. Liking the thrill that our fibs had given us.

Now I desperately wished Amber had never learned to be so good at lying.

I turned away from the mirror and noticed Sam was staring at me. "What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"Nothing."

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