Life Without You

23

"I can't exactly describe how I feel but it's not quite right and it left me cold."

* * *

"Earth to Sierra." my head snapped in the direction of Abby's voice as she waved her hand in front of my face. I knew we were doing something for history but I hadn't been able to focus. All I could think about was how much I didn't want to be there.

"Yeah?" I said as I tried to remind myself what we were working on.

"What'd you get for the first question?" I looked down at the empty worksheet in front of me.

"I didn't do it." I told her.

Abby nodded. "It's fine. We'll just go over my answers." Abby smoothed her hand over the worksheet before beginning to read the first question. "Explain the reasons for the United States military's involvement in World War One. I said that the main reasons were nationalism, imperialism, militarism, and alliances. We know that the US was one of the last countries to join the war because..."

I started to drown Abby out. I didn't care about WW1 and I didn't care about this class. I made sure she thought I was listening, constantly nodding my head and muttering "mhm" under my breath. When the bell finally rang I bided Abby a quick goodbye and hurried out of the classroom. It wasn't that I had anywhere to be, it was just that I wanted to be out of there. It felt like it was easier to breathe in the hallway. My head didn't feel as cluttered.

All the sudden I heard my name being called down the hallway. I turned without thinking and my eyes locked with Alex's. He had been texting me since the party asking why I had been blowing him off at our spot in the back of the school and why I had been avoiding him. I hadn't responded to a single one of his texts. I was too scared. Especially now when Aaron knew where I lived. Sam and Alex were the only ones who had ever been to my house and Sam didn't even know who Aaron was. Though I knew it was possible Aaron was just following me I couldn't be sure.

I turned back around and started to walk away from him. I tried to gain speed but there were too many people crowding the hallway and I got stuck behind a large group of people. Before I knew it Alex had grabbed onto my arm and pulled me in his direction.

"Stop running from me!" Alex snapped and it reminded me of Aaron, causing me to freeze.

My heart felt like it was being squeezed in my chest as I waited for what Alex was going to say next.

He let out a heavy sigh, like he was trying to calm himself down. When he was done his eyes flicked back up to mine. "Why are you avoiding me, Sierra?"

"I'm not." It was such a blatant lie that I shouldn't have even wasted my energy saying it but I had to say something and I wasn't telling him the truth.

"Yes, you are. You just disappeared at my party and you've been avoiding my texts ever since. What's going on?"

"I've just been busy, okay? My dad wants me to focus on my grades."

"So that's why you started running away from me in the hall just now, because talking to me hurts your grades?"

"I wasn't running from you, I didn't know you were there."

"Stop lying to me!" Alex yelled and I flinched.

"Just leave me alone, Alex. Please." Tears pooled in my eyes and I desperately pushed them back.

"No! Not until you tell me what's happening!"

I was extremely aware of Alex's grip on my wrist and I wanted it to stop.

I just wanted him to stop.

"Nothing is happening, Alex. I need to get to class."

"But-" Alex started again but this time he was cut off.

"Leave her alone, she doesn't want to talk to you." I turned around to see Sam approaching us, an angry expression on his face.

"This has nothing to do with you, Sam. Just walk away." Alex grunted.

"How about you just walk away. She asked you to leave so leave." 

"Go, Alex." I said feeling less scared with Sam standing behind me.

Alex looked from me to Sam to back to me again and when he realized I really didn't want to talk to him he shook his head. "Whatever, Sierra." he scoffed before turning around and walking away.

When he released his grip on my wrist I sagged in relief. My body was still shaking from the encounter and the entire conversation had left me exhausted.

"Thank you." I said turning toward Sam. Somehow Sam always seemed to be around when I needed him. I didn't fully understand why he wanted to help me so much but it was nice to feel like someone cared. I felt like I could rely on him, but that was a dangerous feeling. No one was ever completely transparent and nine times out of ten the thing they are hiding is the monster they really are.

"I'm here for you, Sierra." he said and I knew he wasn't just talking about Alex. He was talking about Amber too. He wanted me to confide in him.

But I already had. Wasn't that enough?

"Do you think I could skip tutoring today and just go home?" I asked. School was the last thing I wanted to do right now.

"Yeah." He nodded. "I'll take you home." 

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