Life Without You

21

"And in the end it's you against you. Fighting for yourself."

* * *

I recognized Sam's car the moment he pulled onto the side of the street but by then the drugs had filled my system and my mind had become fuzzy. Sam got out of his car and walked over to me. "Are you okay?" he asked as he examined my body to make sure I hadn't been hurt.

"I'm perfect." I slurred, my head feeling dizzy.

"You weren't perfect when you called me." Sam said, sounding a bit annoyed.

"Don't get mad." I giggled. "It's a good thing."

"It doesn't feel like that." Sam grunted. "Stand up."

"Why?"

"Just stand up."

I stood causing blood to rush to my head. I swayed on my feet and stumbled as I took a step toward Sam. "Woah." I said, raising my hands up, trying to keep my balance.

"What are you on?" Sam asked, angrily.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said, not looking him in the eye.

"What was it? Did you smoke something? Take a pill?" His eyes traced my face as he spoke and it took me a second to fully comprehend what he was saying, but before I could answer, the orange pill bottle fell straight out of my pocket, hitting the pavement hard.

"Pill it is." Sam said as he reached down to pick up the bottle. I watched as his face sagged when he saw who they were prescribed to. "What the hell, Sierra? These are my mom's."

I looked down at my hands. "I know."

Sam stuffed the pill bottle in his pocket.

"Wait! I need those!" I panicked, reaching out to grab them back but Sam turned his body away from me and grabbed my arms.

"No, Sierra, you really don't."

Sam then reached over and grabbed my phone. "I'm going to call your dad so he knows where you are."

"Sam, wait, I-" I tried to grab my phone back but Sam had already seen it. His eyes scanned over text after text from Aaron.

I squeezed my eyes shut and thought about the cliff. I pictured the ocean fifty feet below me. The waves crashing against the rocks.

"Who is this, Sierra?"

I tapped my hand against my thigh in the rhythm of the waves in my head.

"Who is it?" Sam raised his voice.

"It doesn't matter." I tried to sound nonchalant. Tried to make myself sound calm like the waves were supposed to make me feel.

"Who the fuck is it?"

1 2 3 tap...1 2 3 tap...

Sam rubbed his temple like he was fighting a headache. "If someone is coming after you, you need to tell me, Sierra. I can't help you if you don't tell me what is going on."

1 2 3 tap...1 2 3 tap...

"Fine! Deal with it all yourself!" Sam turned, running a hand through his hair. He looked like he was going to walk away but then he let out a heavy sigh, turning back around. "I'm guessing you don't want to go home right now."

I shook my head, no. That was the last place I wanted to be.

"Come on. I'll take you back to my house." Sam wrapped his arm around me and helped me walk to his car without falling over. I stumbled into the car before slumping into the passenger seat.

The drive was silent and I could tell how disappointed Sam was but as hard as I tried I couldn't not feel guilty about it. The drugs made me feel good but the look on Sam's face made all those good feelings go away and all I wanted to do was collapse in my own self pity.

Sam pulled into his driveway and walked around the car to help me get to his front door. "Is your mom home?" I slurred.

"Yeah, but don't worry about it." Sam responded. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

Sam led me up the stairs and into his bedroom. The room was large with cream walls and a big window. Navy blue curtains matched the very comfortable looking comforter on his king size bed. There was a desk across the room from the window and on top of it sat multiple journals.

Sam pulled the comforter down and smoothed out his sheets. I climbed in resting my head against his soft pillows. "Get some sleep, it will help."

"Night, night," I mumbled into his sheets.

"Goodnight, Sierra."

I heard the door to his bedroom open and close. "Is there someone in there?" Grace's voice spilled through the crack below the door.

"It's just Sierra..."

I tried to listen to what he said next but my eyes closed and I couldn't help but fall asleep.

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