Life Without You

31 - Sam

"And sometimes it surprises you. How much it hurts. Still. After all this time. Here. Now. Like this. But it still hurts."

* * *

I could picture her body at the bottom of the ocean.

It was all I could think about the entire drive to the cliff. I didn't know for sure if that's where she was, but I didn't know where else she could have gone. I felt like time was moving faster than normal. Each minute that went by was a minute that I could lose her.

I might've already lost her.

And Sierra's body might have been at the bottom of the ocean already.

Abby never asked me where I was taking her but I could tell she was confused. She didn't know about the cliff. The only person I had ever told about it was Sierra.

When I finally saw the hiking trail sign I pushed down on the accelerator even more.

I pulled into the parking lot and Abby and I jumped out of the car. Abby followed my lead as I hurried to the cliff. Leaves and sticks crunched under my feet. It was getting dark outside and the trees hid the little moonlight there was.

I could smell the sea salt as I got closer and my entire body sagged in relief when I stepped into the clearing and saw Sierra alive and breathing. Her back was to me, her blonde hair flying around her head. The waves were extra rough and the water splashed against the edge of the cliff, causing it to spray in the air.

"Sierra." My voice was barely any louder than a whisper but Sierra heard it. She turned around and her face dropped when she saw Abby and I.

"You guys can't be here." She said matter-of-factly, like I would just say, "oh, sorry," and walk away.

"I'm not going to let you do this, Sierra."

"Please, Sam. Just leave." Tears were brimming in the corners of her eyes as she spoke.

"That isn't how it works, Sierra. You can't send me that voicemail and act like I'm not going to go looking for you."

"You weren't supposed to be able to find me."

My heart broke at her words.

She actually wanted to go through with this.

I took a step toward Sierra. She took a step back. Her feet balanced dangerously on the edge of the cliff and Abby gasped from behind me. Her back was turned to me but I still spoke. "I know everything seems really hard right now but whatever it is, your dad, your sister, those texts you were getting, or all those things combined, it will get better. No matter what is happening right now it isn't forever. But ending your life is."

"I don't deserve to live, Sam."

"Yes you do. You deserve everything. You deserve to have a future. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel loved." With each thing I listed I saw her shell break.

"You deserve to be happy, Sierra."

The sound of a cry leaving Sierra's throat echoed throughout the clearing and she turned to look at me. "Everything hurts, Sam." She sobbed.

I took three steps forward so I was standing right in front of her. "I know." I whispered.

Sierra fell into me, her arms wrapping around my neck. She cried into my chest, her body shaking with each sob. I held tightly on to her body, I didn't want to let go of her. I wanted to keep her by my side forever. Just the thought of never being able to see her again made me want to die.

"It's going to be okay, I promise." I told her but it felt like I was telling myself that too. When her crying slowed down, I wrapped my arm around her waist and started to lead her back to my car. "Is your Dad home?" I asked her.

She shook her head. "He left this morning."

"I'll take you to our house then."

Abby walked to the other side of Sierra, taking her hand and giving it a tight squeeze.

When we got to my car I had Sierra lay down in the back seat. "Close your eyes and get some rest, okay?" I said and she nodded in response. I waited until I was sure Sierra was sleeping before I spoke to Abby. "Don't tell Mom what happened."

"Sam." she said, sending me a look from the passenger seat.

"If we tell Mom Sierra isn't going to trust me anymore. She called me. If it was really bad she would have made sure no one would be able to stop her." I told her. "I can't risk losing that. I can't risk losing her."

"You really care about her don't you?"

"I don't think I've felt like this about someone before, Abby. It feels like she's the most important thing in the world and I've only known her for two months."

Abby sighed. "I won't say anything. But you have to promise me this won't happen again. No more close calls."

"I promise." I said and I had never meant anything more than I did when I said it.

Comment and vote :)