Life Without You

11

"Sometimes the grass is greener because it is fake."

* * *

Sam arrived at my house at seven that night. I had given Sam my number earlier for tutoring purposes and I regretted it the moment he texted me asking for my address. I also regretted letting my dad tell Abby that I wanted to go to this party.

Because I definitely did not.

I didn't have the energy to go to a party.

I used to love partying. My sister would take me to parties every weekend and we'd get drunk out of our minds. But then she met Aaron at a party. And he pretended that he cared. He said he would give us a ride home. He said he'd keep us safe. He said he loved her.

He said.

He said.

He said.

Aaron Dalson was a liar.

I hadn't changed since the brunch my father had dragged me to, still wearing my hoodie and jeans. I wrapped my arms around myself as I climbed into the back seat of Sam's car.

"Hi, Sierra." Sam said with a soft smile.

"Hi."

"So, Sierra, have you ever been to a beach party before?" Abby asked as she turned around in her seat to face me.

I shook my head no.

"Well, you're gonna love it!" I doubted that. "They are always super fun. And it's a good thing you brought a sweatshirt too because it can get super chilly down there." Abby talked the entire ride to the party and I was shocked to see how much energy the girl had. She could've gone on for hours. Thank God she didn't.

The three of us climbed out of the car and made our way down to the beach. Immediately the smell of bonfire smoke and cheap beer hit my nose. The beach was filled with teenagers as they drank and danced and laughed.

"Look there they are!" Abby said, pointing to a group of teens sitting in the sand by the bonfire. Abby and Sam started to walk toward their friends but I didn't follow instead I walked in the opposite direction. To where the drinks were set up. The only thing they had was beer which was pretty lame but it would work.

I filled red solo cup after red solo cup of beer chugging it down as I pinched my nose. I didn't like the taste of beer but I did like the way it made me feel. After my fifth or sixth cup I filled up another one but instead of drinking it like a shot I stumbled over to a rock and took a seat, this time taking small sips.

"I was bringing you a drink but it looks like you've already got one." I looked up to see Sam approaching me. He took a seat beside me on the rock and placed the cup beside him. I took it and poured its contents in my already half drunk beer. Sam watched me closely and I looked down at my feet not wanting to look into his eyes.

The drunk me hated silence so instead of keeping my mouth shut like I should have I asked, "You don't drink?"

"Nope, been sober for over a year now."

"Sober? You were addicted?" I asked and I felt my blood run cold. He was an alcoholic. Like my father.

"Not exactly. I just didn't like the person that it made me so I stopped." I felt my body sag with relief.

"Oh."

It was funny how Sam stopped drinking so he could stay himself but I drank to escape who I was.

I took another sip from my cup and stared out into the water. "How many of those have you had?" Sam asked, his gaze burning through my skin.

I shrugged. Not nearly enough.

"You're dad seemed nice."

Again I shrugged.

"What? You don't think so?"

"What do you want, Sam?" I asked, turning toward him. The alcohol in my veins that was supposed to be making me feel happy was only bringing the anger out. "I'm already doing this stupid tutoring thing for you so what else do you want? Do you want me to have sex with you, because-"

"What?" Sam's voice came out shocked.

"I'm not having sex with you so-"

"That's not what I want."

"You don't have to sound so disgusted." I grunted.

"I'm not, I just- I, I don't want anything from you." Sam stumbled over his words and I almost felt bad for accusing him of wanting to sleep with me.

"Okay." I said and placed my cup beside me but as I was bringing my hand into the pocket of my hoodie Sam's hand grabbed my wrist. Four crescent shaped cuts covered the palm of my hand. Dry blood surrounded each of them.

I hadn't even realized that was there.

I tried to pull my hand back but Sam was a lot stronger than me.

"Did you do this to yourself?" Sam asked. My heart pounded in my chest, ricocheting off my rib cage.

"Let go of me." I hissed through my teeth.

Sam immediately let go.

"Why would you do that?" He asked, pained.

"Sam! I've been looking for you everywhere, man." Sam and I both turned to see a blonde boy wearing a Lexington High School sweatshirt walking toward us.

"Sorry, I was just catching up with Sierra."

The boy gave a toothy grin. "I don't think we've met. I'm Logan."

"Sierra." I told him, even though Sam had already said my name.

"Did you just move here?" I nodded but didn't say anything. Logan looked back at Sam and they seemed to be having a conversation with their eyes. "You guys should come join us. TJ's trying to convince everyone we should go for a swim."

"Actually," I said, turning to Sam. "I was hoping you could take me home."

"Yeah, of course." Sam said softly, nodding his head.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay, new girl? I promise we're a lot of fun." Logan said, wiggling his eyebrows like an idiot.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

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