By nine o'clock the next morning, the exhausted family had arrived in the cottage selected for them by Mai and Ontario. They were situated on the outskirts of York, not too far from the local shops or the walking areas for Newf's dogs.
[I don't know if York is laid out anything like this; I'm sort of making it up, but oh well, who cares anyway?]
The cottage itself was built from local limestone and covered in ivy and various other thick, green creepers, which climbed all the way up to the slate roof. It was rather large, enough for a sizeable kitchen and living room, with two bedrooms upstairs and one downstairs next to the (fairly cramped, realistically) bathroom.
Wheeling the cases over the cool, stone flooring, Nada asked, "Ontario... there aren't enough rooms, you know...."
"Oh, don't worry, eh!" Ontario grinned cheekily, "Your room is the downstairs one and the two upstairs have three sets of bunkbeds each, so that's all thirteen of us sorted!"
"Including me, there's fourteen..." Nada reminded him.
"Then Quebec will be sleeping on the sofa!"
"Moi? Pourquoi?!" Quebec burst out, striding across the room towards Ontario. Ontario... ignored her.
"Welp, I'll be upstairs unpacking!" he grinned, racing up the stairs.
After the provinces had unpacked their suitcases and made themselves at home (and Quebec had realised it was a sofa-bed the whole time), most of them flopped down on their assigned bunkbeds and slept for hours, trying to recover from the trans-Atlantic jet lag. Meanwhile, there were a few provinces that snored... a lot. Unfortunately, that meant no sleep for the lighter-sleeping Canadians; to make up for this, instead of sleeping, two or three of them headed down to the kitchen for, of course, a fridge-raid.
"So... want to go out and do some shopping?" Saskatchewan asked, finally polishing off the last of the hobnobs the provinces had been supplied with.
"Eh... oui, I suppose..." Quebec shrugged, putting down the carton of orange juice. "Are tu coming, Newf?"
"Don't call me that!" Newf snapped, nodding begrudgingly anyway, dropping his toast crusts onto his plate.
The three of them traipsed into the local shopping centre, gazing in awe at the town centre. The three of them made the decision to stick together, despite the fact that none of them quite agreed on where best to go, on the expressed condition that they could all visit wherever they wanted. The only reason they did this was largely because Saskatchewan was the only one who had brought her phone, meaning Quebec and Newf were using her and her alone for navigation.
By the end of the trip, it was almost dark and - largely due to the flight - none of the three of them wanted anything more than to go home and snuggle up in bed for a nice, long sleep at last.
"Ok, which way home?" Quebec asked Saskatchewan as the three clambered into the car, ready to return to the rental.
"I'll check the- oh..."
"What...?" Newf asked nervously, peering over into the front seat.
"Well... er... I think my battery is flat..." Saskatchewan giggled awkwardly, glancing at the floor as she explained, "I was taking selfies and photos and stuff earlier and-"
"That doesn't matter. What does matter is that we're stuck alone in the dark in a foreign country without a map, you idiot!" Quebec yelled.
~Time skip, brought to you by a random telephone box Newf found, which allowed him to phone Canada, who drove them home~
The next two weeks in a nutshell because I'm not writing 14 separate chapters for this:
Days 2 and 3:
Ontario: Should we go out to a local restaurant? I heard somewhere near here there was an Italian-
BC: Let's go to McDonalds!
Ontario: . We're not going to McDon-
Everyone: MCDONALDS TIME!!
Ontario: ...
Ontario:
Ontario: I'm done with you people.
Day 4:
Canada: I'm going out to visit my mother today! I'll be back soon, but please behave! Y'know no house parties or drinking or anything?
Alberta: Course! We'll behave!
Canada: Bye!
Nova Scotia: I'll get the whiskey, you get the takeaway.
Alberta: Pizza Hut or Burger King?
Nova Scotia: Both!
Alberta: And the confetti? Or should we have streamers? And chicken nuggets or samosas? Or even mozzarella sticks-
Nova Scotia: EVERYTHING! IT'S A PARTY!
Days 5 and 6:
Ontario: It's not what it looks like, Nada, I swear!
Nada: It looks like you all went absolutely mental, got drunk, spewed glitter everywhere, then PEI kidnapped a turtle from goodness knows where.
Ontario: .....Ok, it's exactly what it looks like, then.....
Day 7:
New Brunswick: I hope our cities are doing ok without us back home...
Quebec: Oh, they'll be fine! They're older than us anyway! They're probably all asleep right now; I'm sure they can keep themselves safe!
Meanwhile, Montreal, Quebec City and Fredericton, somewhere in the Canadian wilderness: W E ' R E I N A B U S H
Day 8:
Ontario, bursting into the living room like a hurricane on a sugar-high: HEY QUEBEC!
Quebec, just wanting to have lunch: What do you want, cheese-head?
Ontario: I was just wondering...
Quebec: Yeesss?
Ontario, smirking: Are you going to finish that croissant?
Quebec: If you don't shut up, I'll throw you out the window. Also, stop watching Uncle Ame's memes, they're not good for you.
Ontario: .But are you going to finish it?
Quebec: YEET
Days 9, 10 and 11:
Saskatchewan: I'm coldddd :(
Manitoba: WELL MAYBE IT'D BE WARMER IF WE STILL HAD A FREAKING WINDOW IN HERE!
Quebec and Ontario: *nervous sweating*
The final few days:
Yukon: Northwest, those are my socks, not yours.
NWT: I know, but they're fluffy!
Yukon: . Your point?
***
Ontario: Where's my case?!
Alberta: In your hand-
Ontario: Oh.
Alberta: . Are you ok?
***
Saskatchewan: This is really pretty! Can I keep it as a souvenir?
Canada: Saskatchewan, where did you get the Crown Jewels from?!
Saskatchewan: I just found it in a big building one time when I got really lost and just kept walking South to follow that cool double-decker bus I saw! That was fun day and a half!
Canada: I- WHAT
The end! Sorry, the end basically became Incorrect Quotes there- Ah, who cares?
Bye!!
YOU ARE READING
Canadian Provinces: Tales Of Mischief & Mayhem
FanfictionCanada's life may seem serene and peaceful from the outside, but is that really so? Meet his family: thirteen chaotic provinces and territories, who are hell-bent on making mischief until midnight and competing with each other for no apparent reason...
