Got Your Six

Chapter 14

Calvin

I make the twenty minute drive to Cameron's house in complete silence. Turning on the radio would somehow feel like a crime right now. The only problem with driving in silence is it allows my mind to run wild, which is the last thing I need right now. I'm already blaming myself for everything that's happened.
Parked on the curb in front of his house, I let my truck run idly. I can't bring myself to get out and walk up to the door. I don't have the courage to face Brooke and give her the terrible news. I just know it's going to break her heart and I don't want to be the one to do that to her. Instead I just stare out the window, as if waiting for Cameron himself to come out and tell me everything's okay. But everything is not okay.
I've been sitting here for too long. So long that the front door opens and Brooke appears in the doorway, holding Richie on her hip. She looks confused, as she stares in my direction, waiting for me to approach the house. I want to just drive away. I know I can't, but I want to. I don't want to be here right now. I don't want to have this conversation with her, not with anyone for that matter. But I need to, I need to just suck it up and do it.
I force myself to turn off my truck and get out. Walking up the sidewalk towards Brooke, the tears are already forming in my eyes. I can't even make it to the front steps before they're rolling down my cheeks. Brooke notices almost immediately. I look up from the ground and see her eyes getting watery as well.
"No," she says with a shaky voice. "He's... he's gone... isn't he? That's why he didn't come home last night. He's gone isn't he?"
I can hear the trembling in her voice, it causes my throat to swell up and I'm unable to form any words. My head shakes up and down and the tears spill out uncontrollably. Brooke begins crying hysterically and I move forward to embrace her and Richie.
"I'm sorry," I blurt out between my own tears. "I'm so sorry."
Richie looks at me with a blank expression. He has no idea what is going on right now. He has no idea that his dad is never coming home again. This poor child will have to grow up without his father and I can only blame myself for what happened, for what I let happen to him. I have to make sure he knows, make sure Richie knows how good of a person his father was and remind him every chance I get.
Eventually, Brooke invites me inside and we sit together on the couch while Richie runs off to his room to find some toys to entertain himself with. Brooke asks me what happened and I regretfully break down the whole night for her, choking on my own words a few times. After she's had a moment to collect herself she leans across the couch to give me a hug.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
"Why would you be sorry?" I ask, sounding very confused.
"He was your brother and I know you had to have done everything you could to protect him. I just hope you can be the one to seek justice for him," she tells me.
I explain to her how my Captain has put me on a leave of absence and that I won't be able to work on the case any longer. "But I'm willing to help you with anything you might need," I tell her. "I feel I owe you that much."
"Thank you, but you don't owe me anything, Calvin. I just hope you don't blame yourself for all of this," Brooke tells me. "It's not your fault."
"I think it's a little too late for that," I say to her, looking down at the ground, feeling a bit ashamed.
"Please don't, you did everything you could," Brooke assures me.
I appreciate the comforting words, but she wasn't there. She doesn't know exactly how everything went down, regardless of me explaining it all to her. I may not have pulled the trigger on Cameron but I still feel completely responsible for his death.
"Thank you," I say, not knowing what else I should say at the moment.
"Have you told your parents yet?" Brooke asks curiously.
"Not yet," I inform her. "I thought you should be the first to know."
"Thank you," she says softly. "I'm glad it was you and not some phone call from the station or the hospital."
I let out a deep breath as I stand up from the couch. "I should get over to my parents house now," I say.
Brooke stands up and gives me another hug before walking me to the door. I can see the tears forming in her eyes again before she closes the door behind me. I wish I could do more for her, provide her with some sort of assurance that everything will be okay, but that's not true. She just lost her husband. Richie just lost his father. Everything is not going to be okay.
The radio turns on automatically when I start my truck, only this time I decide to let it play. I can't stand to be in the silence with my thoughts any longer.
My truck stops at the end of my parents driveway ten minutes later. I won't let myself sit here until someone comes out to get me this time, I have to be stronger this time. The gate swings shut behind me as I approach the back door, knocking a few times and then letting myself in.
"Hey bud!" My mom says with a big smile from the couch.
All I can think is how long it will be until she smiles again after I tell her the news. Will she ever smile again? She's just lost one of her boys, how does one recover from that? I suppose it's similar to recovering from losing a brother. Although, I know I'm going to be working on that for a long time to come.
Dad adverts his eyes from the TV over to me. "Hey, how's it goin?" He shouts from the recliner. Dad's always been a loud talker, even in a small room.
I walk around the half wall that separates the living room from the entryway and take a seat on the loveseat next to dad's recliner. Mom must sense that I bring bad news with me because I watch her smile slowly fade away.
"What's wrong?" She asks me.
"There was a drug bust last night," I begin to say, choking back the tears that are already starting up again. "Cameron was assisting the police, trying to bring him down." The tears begin rolling again. Mom's face shifts to worry and her eyes fill with tears. "I'm really sorry." My voice is trembling uncontrollably. I can't bear to break my mother's heart like this but I have to tell them. "Cameron was killed last night," I finally get out.
Mom's wail fills the living room, echoing through my ears. Dad convulses in his chair and begins sobbing uncontrollably. Seeing them like this causes me to loose it all over again. Breaking the news to Brooke was one thing, but telling my parents that they just lost their baby boy is a whole other form of pain. I force myself across the room and sit next to mom on the couch, holding her in my arms. Dad is soon to join us and then we're all sitting together, holding each other as we cry.
Just as with Brooke, I'm asked to tell them how it all happened. I tell them how he got involved with the whole situation in the first place and about the events leading up to last night. Apparently Cameron didn't tell them anything about it. I don't blame him, he most likely didn't want to worry them. I don't know what would've been worse: them worrying about Cameron getting hurt or them finding out like this?
They tell me the same sort of things that Brooke had. "Don't blame yourself," and, "It's not your fault," along with, "You did everything you could have." None of it makes me feel any better about it all but I know they're only trying to comfort me just as much as I'm attempting to comfort them.
"You told Brooke already, right?" Mom asks me through a shaky voice.
"Of course, that was my first stop this morning," I assure her.
"How did she take it?" She asks, her voice quivering.
"About as well as you might expect," I tell her.
I don't know how she thinks she might've taken it. She just found out she lost her husband, how else would she react?
Dad hasn't said much this whole time. I'm sure he's trying to work through the shock of learning his youngest son was murdered last night. That's bound to take some time to work through.
"We should go see her," Mom says, looking to Dad for a response.
"Yeah," he says softly.
"We're going to have to plan his funeral. She shouldn't have to do that alone," Mom says before bursting into tears again. "We shouldn't have to plan a funeral for our son," she says weepingly.