Got Your Six

Chapter 13

Kayla

"What are you doing on the couch?" I ask, startling Calvin awake. It's eight in the morning. I had woken up to my alarm and rolled over to find an empty space next to me, immediately thinking the worst. Though, if that were the case, I think someone would've at least given me a phone call. "Why didn't you come to bed last night?"
Calvin sits up on the couch and rubs his eyes. He looks at me but doesn't say anything. He just keeps staring at me as the tears begin to fall from his eyes.
"What is it? What's wrong?" I ask, making my way over to sit next to him on the couch. He practically throws himself on me as his tears turn into a full on meltdown.
"It's all my fault," he weeps into my shoulder.
I wrap my arms around him as I try to understand what he's talking about. "What? What is your fault?"
"Cameron was shot last night," Calvin mumbles. He continues talking but I can't make out anything else he's saying.
"No... honey," I say, suddenly feeling speechless. I can feel myself beginning to choke up as I try to keep my own tears at bay. "Is he..." I can't even get out the rest of my question, already fearing the response I know I'll get.
"He's gone," Calvin sobs into my shirt as he clutches me tightly.
That's all he has to say for me to loose it right along with him. We both sit on the couch holding each other for the next several minutes, neither one of us wanting to say anything. Eventually we are both able to pull ourselves together enough to look at one another.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper.
Calvin doesn't respond, he just looks down as if he's ashamed of himself.
"You can't blame yourself for this," I tell him, rubbing his shoulder in an attempt to provide some sort of comfort.
"But I do," Calvin tells me. "He should've never been involved with this in the first place. I got him involved in this."
"Everyone makes their own choices," I say, trying to think of anything to say that will hopefully get Calvin to stop blaming himself. "Cameron wanted to help. He made the choice to help, that's just the kind of person he was."
"I know, but I can't help but feel responsible for what happened," Calvin says, seemingly avoiding eye contact.
"What happened?" I dare to ask. "If you don't want to talk about it yet, I understand."
Calvin hesitates for a moment, then looks up from the floor, finally looking me in the eye. His eyes are still filled with tears, looking like they'll spill at any moment.
"Everything looked like it was going according to plan," he begins. "Then Captain Bennett opened his door to make the arrest and Gavin saw him." Calvin pauses for a moment and furrows his eyebrows. "It was too early," he says quietly. "Why did he get out so early?" He pauses again and then shakes his head before continuing. "Gavin pulled out a gun and just started shooting... before I knew it, Cameron was lying on the ground."
"I'm sorry baby," I say, not knowing what else to say right now. I know there's nothing I can say that's going to make him feel better about any of this.
"Then there was a train," Calvin says and then takes another pause. He looks like he's thinking hard about something and then starts talking again. "That fucking train. The ambulance couldn't get there in time and Cameron didn't make it. Cameron died and Gavin got away," he says angrily.
"You guys will find him," I assure him, not really knowing their process for something like this but I assume they're already looking for him.
"Captain Bennett isn't letting me help with the case," Calvin informs me.
"What? Why not?" I blurt out.
"He says I'm too close to the case. He doesn't want my emotions getting in the way," Calvin says softly as if he knows his captain is right.
I think about saying something in his defense to make him feel better but his Captain's decision is probably for the best. The last thing they need is for Calvin to make some irrational decision because he's too emotionally attached. They need to be doing everything they can to catch him.
"I can't go into work at all," Calvin says. "Captain put me on a leave of absence until further notice."
"That's probably for the best," I tell him, rubbing my hand on his back to comfort him. 
"Probably so," he mumbles.
"You should eat something," I say, getting up from the couch and taking a few steps towards the kitchen.
"I'm not hungry," he says, remaining on the couch.
"At least drink a coffee or something. You need something, anything," I tell him, walking back to the couch and grabbing his hand, leading him to the dining room table.
He takes a seat while I make him a cup of coffee, not giving him any chance to object. Calvin sits at the table completely silent while the coffee drips into his cup. I bring it over to him as soon as it's done brewing and slide the mug across the table to him.
"What am I going to do?" He asks me quietly.
I look at him, puzzled, not completely knowing what he means by the question.
"I have to tell everyone. His wife, his kid, Mom and Dad. How do I just tell everyone that their husband, their father, their son was killed last night? And I'm the one who got him involved in this," Calvin says, his voice beginning to sounding panicky.
My lips part but I can't seem to form any words. I don't know how I'm supposed to answer that question. I can't imagine being in his situation right now and yet I feel so bad. I wish I could do anything to take away his pain. I'd give anything to rewind time just to make sure that neither of them ever worked that drug bust last night.
"They're all going to blame me," Calvin says with a shaky voice, holding back the tears.
"It's not your fault," I assure him again. "And they're not going to blame you."
"I wish I never questioned Cameron that night. I wish I never pulled Gavin over and got involved in this. I wish I never got Cameron involved in this. I wish last night never happened," the tears fall from Calvin's eyes again and leave me feeling helpless.
I make my way around the table and put my arms around him. "I know, I'm sorry," I say, trying my best to supply any form of comfort. Though I know there's nothing in the world that could take away the pain he is feeling at this moment. I can't even imagine having to watch your brother die before your eyes, not being able to do anything to help him. Calvin lifts his hands to give mine a little squeeze and then lets go. I adjust myself to stand on the side of him so I can see his face again.
"I can go with you to tell them if you'd like," I offer him.
"No," he says. "I should do it myself."
"Are you sure?" I ask, not wanting him to feel like he's alone in this situation.
"Yeah, I'm going to get changed and then go get it over with," he says, slowly getting up from the table. He's still in his uniform, never having changed out of it before he went to sleep on the couch last night. He takes a single sip of his coffee and then sets it back down on the table. "Thanks for the coffee," he says before walking off to the bedroom.
Calvin emerges a few minutes later and meets me back at the table with a coat draped over his left arm. "I figure I'll start with Brooke and Richie," he says softly.
"And you're sure you don't want me to go with you?" I ask him again.
"No, thank you baby, but I feel like I should do this on my own," he assures me before giving me a kiss on the forehead and walking out of the room.
I follow him to the front door and lightly grab his arm, causing him to turn and face me. "I love you," I say quietly.
"I love you too," he says before slipping through the door.
I watch through the window as he climbs into his truck and leans his head onto the steering wheel. I know he's crying. I want to help him in anyway I can, provide him some sort of comfort. A part of me wants to go out there and get in that truck with him but I know he just needs a little time and space. I feel helpless knowing there's nothing I can do to help.
Calvin lifts his head and finally pulls out of the driveway and disappears down the street. I force myself away from the window and walk back into the kitchen, pouring the rest of the coffee down the drain.