Story: The Other Sister: Beautiful, Seductive, and Insane
Author: WickedGleek96
The prologue, I thought, has a very good hook. Exactly as a hook should it makes one want to read more. There were a few gramatical errors in the beginning, but not too many. One comment I might make is about thoughts. Usually when a character thinks it's written in italics, rather than quotations, or at least diffferentiated from normal speaking in some way. It's slightly confusing with out the distinction.
The sibling rivalry within the story feels rather realistic. One random comment to come to my mind was since Aria is so thin, is that really attractive. It seems more like near grotesquely thin from some descriptions.
Once it gets to about the third chapter the paragraphs start to get pretty choppy. A lot of them are only one sentence and could be put together to form better paragraphs. It also seems to switch focus a lot. It's in third person, but I've never read a third person that came out and told about everyone's feelings like this story does. I'm not quite saying that's a bad thing though, just different. If each one lasted a little longer it might be different.
I read five chapters of the story.
YOU ARE READING
Interview Contest #1
RandomMy first contest, inwich I posted a well, post in the Share Your Story club, and the first fifteen entrants qualified to have their story read. I read the stories as far as they held my attention, and wrote short reviews of each as the chapters of t...
