Author: expatxgirlie
Title: Sweet Dreams, my Angel
To start off, the blurb is very interesting, and makes one want to read to find out what happened. The start of the story is describing the weather (ish), which I have heard is one of the worst ways to start off a story. I think that statement is 100% opinion because I don't mind it at all. I think it sets the mood rather nicely.
Once or twice, there were places where a / was used instead of or (but I only think it was as in "singer/songwriter" which is a rather legitimate term, so its not that big of a deal). There was a simmilar occurance with a 1) and 2) thing, which, in my opinion (and probably some others...or not I may just be weird), would be nicer to see as one, and two, possibly with semicolons! Along the line of mechanical comments, the phrase "more empty" used in chapter five would be better as "emptier" but I'm pretty sure it was dialogue, and I'm all for throwing grammar out if that's how the person talks.
I liked the chapter names. The alliteration was cool. In the chapter when it tells about Jesse's accident...I cried. Honestly, I did. Anyone who can relate to a relationship like that, I think, would cry too.
Something I noticed, the comments had a tendancy of saying that the story was going too slowly. At the beginning I disagreed with that. Stories need time to set up. Just before the dream chapter, and the first half of the dream chapter, I started to agree. It was nicely descriptive, though, and it may just have been a genre preference issue. I'm not used to slower, romance type, reading. Sorry. That's not to say that I didn't like it. It was good, and I think that anyone who likes the genre, and is here to read, wouldn't mind the pace.
I read four and a half chapters. Good luck to you, expatxgirlie, in the Watty Awards!
YOU ARE READING
Interview Contest #1
RastgeleMy first contest, inwich I posted a well, post in the Share Your Story club, and the first fifteen entrants qualified to have their story read. I read the stories as far as they held my attention, and wrote short reviews of each as the chapters of t...
