(Transformers) Soundwave's secret

Chapter 39.

Soundwave's secret (Transformers)

Chapter 39.

He knew.

Once again caged within the silence by the icy glare of his commander FirstAid stood in the spot now far too familiar.

Ultra Magnus knew. First Aid could feel that heavy gaze seeing through him.

He had been holding back again. He had been avoiding Soundwave. On purpose.

FirstAid's uncertainty and unwillingness, his inability to comply- they were holding him back. But he could no longer do it. This 'mission' that had been dumped on his shoulders was becoming too hard to bear.

"I have though that we have dealt this matter."

Ultra Magnus' voice was steady, but his optics revealed all that he thought of this failure, "This is not enough, soldier."

FirstAid's features hardened in despair. He was not a soldier. But they did not care.

"I told you to bring me results, but you are acting like a wining sparkling once again."

"Sir-"

"Silence."

He did not flinch this time. He was getting better at holding his posture. Inside he was still a trembling mess, but his frame was no longer at jerking demeanor changes of his commander.

"You know the consequences of your actions. Do you want to be sent to Delphy?"

No. The more he thought of Delph, the more it was turning from a tale of a far and dark land of never-stopping battles to a dreadful reality which could soon be his own. It was always there, in the corner of his mind, never releasing its grasps, never allowing him rest. He had grown anxious, he had trouble focusing. Mechs of medical remarked on his lacking attention more than once. Some had assumed he was having a bad day. Others scolded him for daydreaming at work. It only made his anxiety worse but each time he played on their assumptions. An apology, a nod, an excuse. He could not afford any suspicion. The false assumptions hurt, but those were the least of his concerns. There was no way any of the medical personnel had been informed of his mission. He suspected that Ratchet and Moonracer might have been. Ratchet commented on his clumsiness once, when he almost knocked a tray of sanitized tools of the shelf. But Ratchet was never avoidant of rough remarks. FirstAid had not been sure how to respond and so in the heat of the moment with a small crowd of newly arrived mechs crowding the medbay he was quick to retreat after the newly charged scanners needed for checkups.

Worse were his attempts to ignore Soundwave. His only excuse had been the increased amount of work caused by new arrivals. Still, occasionally he would meet her during energon, attempting to put his focus on Frenzy and Rumble. They liked his curiosity, happily talking about some drone they had tried to build from scrap. FirstAid hated using them like this, but his amusement was never false. It brought unexpected results as soon after, whenever twins met him in halls, they were excited to chat. Now and then in their harmless talks they started sharing information he had tried to avoid receiving in the first place. Soundwave was usually present, so he focused on the twins. Anything to avoid talking to her. Every time he did, the uneasiness grew. She questioned his change of demeanor. First, he blamed his schedule. Next time, his lack of sleep. Another time, he came up with something else. Once he got frustrated and snapped. He apologized. He was tired that cycle. That time Soundwave just nodded in understanding. Finally, the time came, and she was insistent. Ravage too stared at him with those all-seeing steady optics, tail flipping in unsettled curiosity. The fliers, for once, looked as intimidating. Unable to lie nor tell the truth, FirstAid finally admitted going through some things personal. That day he asked her not to pry. Soundwave, bless her, complied. She held his head, looking for his optics. When the femme told him she was always there to talk, shame started burning him alive. They all gave him space after that.