Unraveled

Score

"What are you going to tell your sponsor and family?" Billie asked as she dried her hair. The rain was still coming down outside, but we'd trekked back to the car despite it. I'd grabbed my things from Jase's guest house and was going to crash with Billie until further notice.

I shrugged as I unzipped my backpack. The drugs were burning a hole in my pocket as I sat down on her couch. We'd swung through the pharmacy drive-thru to get a syringe. I'd rummaged through Billie's kitchen while she was in the shower to get everything else I needed.

"They wouldn't get it," I said as I pulled the bag out of my pocket. "I don't expect you to get it, either, but they would get it even less. We'll just deal with them whenever the time comes."

She sat down on the couch next to me, dropping the towel to the floor. "We should do a before picture if you want to do this correctly."

I nodded, looking over at her. "Okay."

She stood up again and pulled me to my feet. I stripped off my shirt and sweatpants as she set up her camera. She positioned me in front of the wall that led into her kitchen. I moved when she told me to, making sure that she got whatever pictures she needed. It wouldn't matter how many different angles she tried to get. As time went by, she'd be lucky to get just one and it was about that time that I expected she would pull the plug on the project.

I pulled my sweats back on as she put her camera away. I sat back down on the couch, holding the bag in my hand. If I sat there long enough, I would have been able to talk myself out of it and that wasn't going to be beneficial.

I put the bag down and picked up the spoon as Billie sat down next to me. She wrapped her arms around mine, resting her head on my shoulder.

I bent the spoon to where I could hold it without spilling the liquid and then opened the bag. I poured part of it into the spoon and mixed some water from a bottle in with it. I flicked the lighter on and held it under the spoon, watching as the liquid slowly started to bubble. When it had boiled long enough, I turned off the lighter and grabbed the syringe. Carefully, I pulled the liquid into the syringe and put the spoon down on the coffee table.

I looked at the scars on the inside of my elbows, running up and down my arm, before I found a place that hadn't been too affected. I wrapped the belt I'd found to use as a tourniquet around my bicep and pulled it tight. Billie stayed quiet as I took a deep breath and slipped the needle into my vein. I hesitated for a moment, giving her time to pull out, before I pushed the plunger.

Immediately, a warmth spread throughout my body. My head lolled back, my eyes closing as a smile spread across my face. God, I'd forgotten how good it could feel to be high.

I took the tourniquet off and looked over at Billie. She had moved away from me and was watching me closely. I reached over and took her hand in mine. It was always scary the first time, but if only she knew how good I felt. She could have felt that good too, but even high I knew that she wouldn't agree to it. Not yet, at least.

I looked away and rested my head against the back of the couch, smiling lazily up at the ceiling. I didn't want to move. All I wanted to do was sit on the couch, stare at the ceiling, and watch the spider by the light fixture.

Beside me, Billie shifted on the couch. I rolled my head to the side, watching as she picked up her camera. It shook in her hands as she turned and snapped a picture. I gave her a lazy smile before I looked away.

I really hadn't thought it'd be that easy to convince her to help me. Any sane person would have told me I needed to get to a meeting or get more help. Maybe she wasn't as perfect as I had thought she was. Maybe she was fucked up like me.