Unraveled

On the Run

I stepped back from her, my back ramming into the dresser. I pointed a finger at her as I spoke. "Don't you fucking bring Jacob into this."

"Isn't that what this is about?" Billie asked exasperatedly. She threw her hands up, shaking her head. "Isn't that the real reason that you want to escape? You feel guilty—"

"Shut the fuck up!"

"—because you couldn't save him. You were too fucked up to—"

"Shut up!"

"—to be able to notice that he was too high when he took that needle. His body couldn't—"

"Billie!"

"—handle such a large amount of drugs in his system. No amount of Narcan or CPR would have saved him. It would—"

"Shut up!" I begged, grasping my hair with my hand. Tears were pouring down my face.

"—have taken an act of God to have saved him." She looked at me. "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved, Shawn. Jacob didn't want to be saved." I sunk to the floor, putting my head in my hands. "He didn't want to be saved, but you do. That's why you wanted me to be around when you got high again. You aren't ready to die, Shawn." She walked over and knelt in front of me. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me to her chest as I sobbed. "It's not your time."

The bag felt heavy in my hands. I still clutched it as I held onto her shirt, sobbing against her shoulder.

I faintly heard the door open and Will tell my dad to wait a minute. I vaguely heard Jase's voice and then felt his hands on my shoulders as he crouched down next to me, resting his head against mine.

We stayed like that for I didn't know how long. The sobs eventually quieted. The tears finally dried. My body felt drained as I sat back against the dresser, clutching part of my hair with my hand, staring down at the floor. The bag was still clutched in my hand. Will was leaning against the wall next to the window. Dad stood near the doorway. Poised in case I tried to run.

I looked over at Jase. "Thanks."

He frowned, shaking his head slightly. "For what."

"You weren't going to tell them, but you did. You trusted me but then realized that maybe you shouldn't. And you did it before it was too late."

He rolled his eyes. "I trust you, Shawn. I didn't trust that Keys guy after I heard the tape."

I didn't respond. I looked down at the bag in my hand. I wanted to run away. I wanted to shoot up and forget about everything. With those four people—as few as there were—staring at me, I knew that I couldn't do that. My father would never be a person I confided in, but he was there when it mattered now.

"What's that smell?" Jase asked.

I looked up. "Shit." I pushed myself to my feet, jogging towards the door. Dad stepped in my path, but I danced around him.

"Shawn!" Will called.

I wasn't running to the door, though. I turned the oven off and grabbed the hot pads. In the process, I dropped the bag onto the floor. I opened the oven door, coughing as smoke rushed out. I fanned it with the hot pads before I took the casserole out and dumped it into the sink, running cold water over it.

"Jesus," Billie said as she opened the windows. Dad turned the fan on over the oven.

I stared down at the ruined creation. "I didn't set a timer because I was going to take it out when you got home."