37 Days

Day 1 - Elle

it wasn't the first time it had happened. it had been going on for a long time. the panic attacks.

most of the time they happened at school or at home. that's where i usually was. but not today.

i was walking.

the sky was blue. an endless dome soaring over me.

summer. an entire summer of nothing.

and then the fear crashed over me. a wave that wouldn't stop. pushing and pulling.

i have an entire summer. nothing to do. i'm alone. no. no. no. no. no.

i can't.

i began to tremble. my breaths coming faster and faster.

snap out of it, elle, i told myself, this is nothing to get so worked up about

but i can't. i'm afraid.

always afraid.

and i sat down on the curb

rocking back and forth

shuddering

crying

heart pounding

demons

sweating

alone