37 Days

Day 3 - Jay

"where were you yesterday?" taylor asked as she set a plate of sizzling hot bacon and eggs before me.

"thanks," i mumbled, picking up a slice of bacon and taking a bite. "i went to the park and then the coffee shop."

"i see," taylor said. she sat down and started to eat. "braydon won his soccer game and scored twice." she smiled proudly at braydon, who grinned and made a mock bow.

"good job," i muttered.

the answer that is expected from me.

if only somebody ever looked proudly at me that way.

"was dale any good?" annika said. "you said he sucked."

"he does suck!" braydon agreed. "he missed the pass and the hornets scored. oh well. we won."

"kids! don't talk that way," taylor scolded. she frowned.

annika rolled her eyes. "sorry. anyways, can i go hang out at leah's house today? she invited me over. we wanted to watch some old movies."

no one had ever invited me anywhere, besides elle. and i'm pretty sure she thinks i'm a creep.

"wash the dishes and be back by four," dad said. he checked his phone and sighed. "another incoming call. just a second." standing up, he walked out of the kitchen. he always was leaving for other things he thought were more important. like his perfect little life.

the three kept talking, about annika's friends and braydon's game. about taylor's work and summer homework. about the neighbors. about their perfect lives that i had stumbled upon. about everything that i wasn't a part of.

i'll never be part of their family.

i'm just their summer visitor who comes and burdens them for 37 days.

my throat constricted and i forced myself to keep smiling and eating. gulping down the last few bites of bacon, i placed my dishes in the sink and headed up to my makeshift bedroom in the attic.

sunlight streamed in through the single window, a stark contrast the rain yesterday.

yesterday.

elle.

i wondered if she was suffering too, right now. smiling bitterly, i sat down on my sleeping back and pulled out my phone. i opened up the pictures.

the most recent one had been the last day of school, when mom and i had went out for ice cream before i flew off to dad's place. i stared at it for a moment.

mom.

always smiling, always happy. always hiding the pain. she never let me see the exhaustion and burdens she suffered through, never let me see the grief she felt at losing dad.

the only time i had ever seen her weak was the day when dad moved out. she had cried and gone up to her room and when she finally went downstairs again there was no sign of tears on her face. a silent sufferer.

i'm sorry mom.

it was never fair.

if only there had never been dad.

i glared out the window, shutting off my phone. i didn't hate dad (or at least i tried to convince myself of that). he could have been worse. he called occasionally, sent me birthday and christmas gifts, and was never really a jerk.

but he left us.

he left me.

for his perfect little life.

the perfect little life i'll never have. never fit into. never be.

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