Super Mario Bros Movie Rewrite

Hammers and Barrels

Mario screams as he takes off running. Donkey Kong follows, passing right by Luigi as he begins to stir and look around.

As the two of them run down the street, Mario continuously turns back to look at him as Donkey Kong gets closer and closer.

The plumber then ducks between two cars, allowing for the kong to slide away and have to stop himself.

Mario begins to run back towards where the Animal Control officers are only for Donkey Kong to land in front of him.

Mario instantly turns tail and sprints off as Donkey Kong climbs up a pole and begins jumping across them to get to the plumber before finally jumping and pulling off another ground slam.

Mario is knocked to the ground as he grabs a nearby trashcan lid and uses it as a shield against the punch that Donkey Kong delivers. The force of the king's punch launches Mario back as he rolls to a stop.

Donkey Kong: "HEY! YOU CAN'T USE MY 'grab a nearby object and use it as a shield' TECHNIQUE! I INVENTED IT JUST NOW!"

Mario: "It's....it's not your technique! You don't own it!"

Mario grabs his head as he tries to catch his breath.

Mario: "Mama Mia...."

Donkey Kong then growls and begins running towards him as Mario gets up and...is grabbed by the legs and flipped upside down. Donkey Kong gets closer to him.

Donkey Kong: "....so why haven't you shot me yet?"

Mario: "Wha?"

Donkey Kong: "Why haven't you shot me? And why don't you have the same clothes as those other humans do?"

Mario: "Okay, 1, because I don't have a dart gu-"

Donkey Kong drops Mario.

Donkey Kong: "Oh!.....then I don't need to worry about you!"

Donkey Kong begins to walk away as Mario gets up slightly.

Mario: "What?!?"

Donkey Kong: "Yeah, sorry little guy, but without a gun, you just aren't strong enough to beat me!"

Mario: ".....what?"

Donkey Kong stops and sighs before turning back.

Donkey Kong: "Look, I'm giving you an out because you seriously don't seem like you could do anything to me! Plus, you didn't even attack me! You just screamed at me in your extremely girlish voice!"

Mario: "What? I don't have a girlish voice!"

Donkey Kong: "Hehehehehh, yes you do! Your voice is super squeaky! And womanly! Anyway, back to what I was saying before you interrupted! I am going to spare you and just take care.....of them!"

Donkey Kong points to the pile of vans as Mario stares at him in horror.

Mario: "Wha-NO! My brother's over there!"

Donkey Kong: "Well your brother's gonna get the snot beat out of him!"

Mario: "But he didn't do anything to you either!"

Donkey Kong: "Don't care! Besides, whenever he finds out that I humiliated you, he'll probably try to fight me anyway, so might as well deal with him now."

Donkey Kong begins to walk back towards the pile of cars as Mario thinks to himself...

Mario thinks about Luigi being on the ground, Donkey Kong walking up, and laying into his brother.

During the entirety of the day before, Mario was being humiliated. Spike made fun of him, his father and mother told him he was stupid, that parrot thought it could kill them, that woman said they were the worst plumbers ever, and Luigi....Luigi got onto him.