Love Eyes ( PIP X DAMIEN ) || DIP

The truth

Pip

He's sipping his coffee while staring at me and I'm only pretending I haven't noticed by reading a paper back I've been reading for the past two days.
My tea is good, the book is good, my sandwich is good, but sometimes feels uneasy here.
                      It's me.
Today is officially my first day of being married, and I'm not spending my first breakfast with my husband, but with his best friend.
Out of context that would sound horrible, but I assume it sounds horrible either way.

Damien had offered me a cookie but I denied it, I really wanted it, but I was too afraid to ask for it. I guess he has saw it in my eyes and placed the cookie on my plate,
                  and I ate it right away.

I finish after him and he pays for our meals, even though I offered.
It's nice going out with the king, you get anything you would like.
But this still feels wrong.

Me and Damien haven't said a word to each other since our food had came out and that was probably an hour or so ago.

We walked to the park were we saw some little kids swinging on the swing sets and playing on the monkey bars.
I never knew kids would like to go out to the park this early but I'm glad they do, because it makes it less awkward between me and Damien with all the screaming and giggling in the background.

"How the first day being married?" He claps his hands together as he sits on a near by picnic table and wait for my response while fidgeting with his wedding ring.

"Damien, it hasn't even been a day yet!" I charm and cover my mouth with my hands.

"I know but you have to start fast, how are the kids?" He crosses his arms and looks at me like a middle aged dad waiting in line for some tool gear at the shops.

"Stop it!" I play hit him on the shoulder and that makes him do a dramatic fall back.

He acts like a child. And it's pretty fun.

"How's Estella?"

"Oh... she's... alright..? She kicked me out the house because I was being lazy and useless which I really don't care because at least I got to see you."

He looks back at me and I feel my checks heat up. Why was that's so cute? All he did was say he likes spending time with me, and I find that adorable.
He smiles at me. He's just standing there. How can he stand there and just smile and look so cute?
My first instinct to do when I feel nervous around him is play with my fingers. But this time when I bring my hands to my chest I see my ring. I suppose it's a good reminder that I have a loving husband.

I'm forgetting I have a husband when I'm around him, but I remember I have warm attractions to Damien when I'm around Pocket.
It hurts like a thorn in my heart, I feel like I'm just messing around with Pocket, even though I love him. I still love Damien.
Damien manage to break into my heart in just a year, and Pocket waited for 5.

Minutes, hours, days, I can go talking about just Pocket, but I know, my mind would be full of just Damien.
I slowly slide my hand down and I see Damien looking out at the kids playing on the playground. He's smiling at them too. For a second I see his eyes sparkle, and all I see is happiness in his eyes.
I want to ask him what's he thinking about but I think I already have the answer.
He can't wait to have a child.

Damien wants to be a father, he wants his child to have a good childhood. He wants the best for them, and it's kind of sexy the way he's good around children.

"Anyway, he should be heading back, I don't want your husband to get angry at me for taking out his handsome husband" he adds the last bit with air quotation marks and he laughs. And I kind of find it funny as well.

But I don't think Pocket is the jealous type. He has been jealous before, but as far as I know, that has only been one time.

He's walking me back home, and as we are walking, I'm just thinking.

"Damien, I never wanted to say this but, I guess our teenage dreams are over!" I laugh, I remember when we first started saying this phrase, every time me and him would hang out.

But sadly it has to come to an end, because we are both married. It's only the right thing to do, to our lovers.

He grins, and lets out a chuckle, the next thing he does is turn his head my direction and while smiling he says "why?"
This aggregates me, I don't know why, but he's acting like we are some kids. We are grown adults, I realize what we are doing, and yet I still act like I don't mind, because I just want to be with him.
I want to live with him. I want to marry him. But I can't. And I won't.

"We are married Damien, it's only the right thing to do! And I don't even know what to call us? What are we? We're not friends, we kiss under the moonlight, the sun light, every time when we are alone, it's always kissing-"

Before I know it, Damien grabs my face and places a kiss on my lips, it feels amazing. I hate that I am doing this to Pocket, but it feels like I am doing the right thing.

He shuts me up by placing his hands on my back and this shocks me. I pull out and I see his face.
I don't know why I just did that, I love this man, but why?!

"Don't get angry Philip, I also am confused about what we are, but we are taking slow. I want you Philip, but I don't want to want you. I want to sleep with you every night and wake up to you beside me every morning.
I know that's what married couples do, but Philip,
Pocket wont wake up to you beside him, because you'll be with me. Doing married couple shit"

My eyes shake in horror, I know what he is doing. He's telling the truth. I can't help but stare into his eyes while taking all of that in.
Pocket isn't the one I hoped I would be doing married couple stuff with, it's Damien. I'm doing all the things married couples do with Damien, and not my husband.

I'm a terrible husband, I'm a terrible husband, I'm a terrible husband.

I shouldn't have to be doing all of this, I should be blinded by the love I have for Pocket, but obviously he wasn't enough, I had enough love to give to two people. And I hate that.

I want to love Pocket, but I can't. Because I love Damien.
I want to love Damien, but I can't. Because I love Pocket.

He grabs my hand and I look at him, likes he's a new person to me, like I've just seen him for the first time, because my mind is blank. And I can't think of any facts I know about Damien.

I picture Pocket being the one holding my hand, but Damien takes over.

I picture Pocket being the one I end up forever with, but Damien takes over.

I picture me loving Pocket, and Damien..... Damien is slowly... slowly... taking over.

My eyes flash, Pocket, Damien, Pocket, Damien.

Is Pocket the right one for me?

Suddenly I feel tears in my eyes, I don't care if I'm in front of Damien. I cry. And cry. And cry. And cry.

I cry until I feel no more tears, because my heart is broken. I feel horrible, why am I doing this to my husband? I love him. But I love Damien as well. Why.

My knees fall to the ground, and all I can think to say is sorry.

I repeat sorry and sorry and sorry and Damien is holding me. He's comforting me, he's loving me. He cares for me.

He picks me and and take me home.

"I didn't mean to upset you Philip, I thought the truth would be good to hear, but I guess not. I apologize, never once in my life, would I ever let you cry because of me.
      I would never cause you to cry, and if did one day I do, I would be disappointed. And I would spend the rest of the time in the universe to apologize to you.

     Because I love you"
 
                              says Damien

He loves me.

I am so sorry Pocket, we haven't even made a whole day with our marriage and I'm already having second thoughts because of him. I really want to love you Pocket, but it's so difficult.

WHY AM I SAD? I FEEL BAD FOR POCKET