LIABILITY - WILCO SOLANGELO

Ch. 10

WILL POV

TW: SELF HARM

When Jason came rushing to me, I knew what he meant. I sprinted off to first grab some supplies and then I headed to Cabin 3. Jason followed me all the while visibly panicked. We burst into Cabin 3 to find Percy lying in Annabeth's arms only half conscious. His arms had angry red lines that bled out. Annabeth was whispering to Percy crying, her chest heaving. Jason was distraught as he paced the room. 

At that moment, I wanted to cry. The sight was too heart wrenching and it reminded me of him. He was a memory I had let go off but the sight brought back so many memories and my heart felt like it was dying. I wanted to take a breath. The sorrow was stifling. I wanted to take away these demigod's pain. That was impossible. I wanted to calm Annabeth and Jason. But I had other priorities.

 It was in that moment I understood why a doctor or therapist dealing with such matters needed so much experience. I had treated thousands of patients but nothing had ever affected me this much. Because here everything was so broken and fragile. I ignored all thoughts and proceeded to do what I did best.

I stitched up the deep cuts - of which there were far too many. Then I disinfected and cleaned the wounds, wiping the blood. Blood wasn't a new sight for me but to think that someone - that too the best demigod of all times - drew their own blood intentionally made my heart clench. It didn't help that the last self harm patient I knew hadn't made it through. And it definitely didn't help that I had been so close to him. I bandaged Percy's arms and fed him nectar and ambrosia. I checked his pulse and heartbeat. It wasn't satisfactory but there was no danger to his life - no danger except himself. 

I had questions. Who usually bandaged his wounds? Who all knew about this? How long had it been going on? How did Annabeth deal with the pain? After him, I knew how much this could hurt, how heart breaking it was to see someone you cared about so much hurt themself. However, in that moment Annabeth, Percy, Jason and I all needed rest. So, without a word, I left the cabin. Jason gave me an appreciative nod while Annabeth forced a polite smile but they were too heartbroken for words and so was I.

It was late evening, I noticed. It was the usual time for dinner and the campfire but I had no appetite nor the desire to be happy and sing. Visions of that day, visions of him filled my mind. So, I snuck off to the spot where I found Nico all those weeks ago. I remembered the flashback we shared and the last vision I saw. At this point, I was almost sure about him self-harming and that scared me, especially after seeing Percy, especially now that the memories of him was fresh.

For the first time in my life, I hoped I would not find Nico there. We often met up there, it was our secret hang out spot. Today, however, I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to talk. It felt like something in me broke. It was always heart-wrenching to see demigods die and to see their loved one's suffer but today I saw a demigod break. The only other demigod I had seen so broken had been him and when he died, I was a mess. A proper mess.

Percy Jackson was broken. And it gave me a different sense of sorrow. It hurt more than a demigod's death. Because when a demigod dies, they often find a place in Elysium, sometimes in the fields of asphodel, but they move on nonetheless. Percy Jackson was a dead soul in a living body. Now, I had two people to save - Percy and Nico. I would not lose a patient to self harm. I wouldn't let Annabeth, Jason and Hazel face the pain of losing Percy and Nico. I wouldn't let them feel the pain I had felt when I lost him. And honestly, I wasn't ready to feel the same pain all over again if anything happened to either of them.

I sat there, on Nico's favourite rock, curled in a ball. I cried. It had been so long since I had cried. I was always surrounded by people and I guess I just kept myself together to not show weakness. My cabin mates cried. I've caught Kayla crying when she couldn't help save a patient, I've seen Austin cry when he messes something up. However, I never shed a tear. I thought that as head counsellor, I needed to keep it together. I couldn't cry - not even the most painful deaths. I would stay up late nights with nightmares, blaming myself. But I wouldn't let a tear slip. The last time I had cried had been so long ago - when I lost him, it still haunted me to date. I actually used to believe that I had cried so much back then that I would never have another tear to shed.

I cried and cried. I cried over all the campers I couldn't save. I cried because I was a failure and couldn't help Nico. I cried because I felt it was unfair that the bravest demigods should face such pain. After all they had been through, one would hope they could at least live a life without dying everyday. I cried for him. And somewhere deep down, I blamed myself. I was head of healing. I should help them. I know it is ridiculous. I know it is impossible for me alone to fix everyone. But I blamed myself.