Hellllllooooo zombiesss and ghosts :) (after special demand from a lovely reader) I am having a wonderfully rotten day thinking of self harm and how much I miss it so this chapter will either be fluffff to help my soul or a dam of depression bursting.
TW: Suicidal thoughts, urge to SH
Have fun (or not)
NICO POV
Will finished my shoulder and torso care and while having Will Solace touching me was a godly sensation I suddenly decided I hated physical contact. It wasn't something I could explain but I've had it since I was a kid. I would be clingy hugging Mama and Bianca all day but then sometimes something would snap within me and I couldn't stand even a forehead kiss or holding hands. So as Will finished off applying lotion for me I was gradually getting more worked up. Because how do I tell him "Just don't touch me right now. I can't stand it." Without him feeling bad. However, I think he sense me leaning away from his touch and so he asked, "Should we call it a day and check on your hip tomorrow?" I nodded gratefully and with a reminder to do my shoulder exercises Will left promising to be back with dinner, fresh bandages and to ensure I slept.
I spent my freetime sketching. I put the ear phones in my ears blasting MCR at decibel levels Will surely wouldn't approve. But it blocked out the noise in my head. Mindlessly, I let my mind wander through the lyrics and it was when I looked down I realised. I had drawn her again. Bianca. Like the all the other sketches of her. She's smiling and radiant with the outline of other hunters behind her. Light catches her silver parka jacket - the hunter's uniform and a bow is slung on her shoulder. But her eyes. Her eyes are the way I remember them being through out my childhood. Full of excitement and joy. Ready for anything. She was made to be a hunter.
Flipping my sketch book I decided to draw my second favourite person (to draw of course). Will Solace. I drew him in his doctor's uniform sthetescope around his neck. I drew his eyes and his curls and then I ripped the sketch apart. Why? I don't know. It lacked something. Or perhaps everything. It lacked the warmth Will radiated and it didn't have his golden retriever personality. The sketch didn't smeel like sunflowers and didn't echo with Will's laughter. And then I realised. What was missing was his essence. And the essence of Will Solace is colour. I Nico di Angelo was one with the shadows - black and white. But Will with his golden curls and bright blue eyes was made of colour. And it made sense in a way. For it is in sunshine that you can see all the colours but darkness only knows dark and darker. Pale and black like me. So bregrudgingly I left my little room and it's precious privacy to grab a box of colours. Except, this wasn't my cabin and I couldn't leave when I liked. A young girl with dark wavy hair stopped me before I was even three steps out. "Where exactly are you going?" She asked. Friendly but stern. "I wanted some colours-" I try to reason but she doesn't seem to believe me, "People come up with all sort of excuses but this is the most ridiculous one. The son of death dressed in black wants colours. Aren't colours for living people? I thought the underworld was black and white." She rolls her eyes and I alternate between being angry and hurt. Finally I mutter, "I'm the son of the God of the Underworld." Before retreating into my room again.
However, the girl's voice rings in my head. "Aren't colours for living people?" And the voice in my head is back. Screaming at me. "If people already don't consider you a living person why don't you just d!e?" I stuff my earphones in to block the voice and clutch my pencil in my hand to sketch. But my anger snaps the pencil in half and dead skeletons begin creeping through the floor. Even Will's flowers begin to die. And all of this only works me up more. I need something sharp. Right now. One of the rare moments I regretted cutting my nails short was now. I needed an escape. The music in my ears was just noise adding to the chaos in my brain and so I wrench them out. I squeeze my ears tightly trying to stop it but it just won't stop. I shut my eyes as if it will help but the echo keeps on telling me I should just d!e.
And then it goes quiet. It's replaced with a soft voice asking me what's wrong. The hands on my hears are pulled onto a warm source and I can make out the steady beating of a heart. My own heart starts following this pattern and same soft voice counts my breaths. Slowly, I open my eyes and look into Will Solace's blue orbs. "Is it okay if I hug you?" He whispers so softly that the words are almost snatched away by the wind. I nod slowly. My head hurts. My heart hurts and yeah a hug seems nice right now. Guess my dislike for touch disappeared for now. Will strong warm arms wrap around me and neither of us says a word. My mind is empty right now. Not a single thought and then it all comes crashing down and I tears stream down my face though I can't manage to even let out a sob.
Guess who managed to put fluff and depress!on in one woohoo!
Yes there are grammatical errors. I haven't proof read. If you guys just point out the errors in the comments I won't be offended but will take it as help to fix my work. I swear I have excellent grammar but as previously mentioned I'm having a bad day and am not up to it.
On a side note:
How are you guys? Better than me I hope. Sending all my love to y'all.
YOU ARE READING
LIABILITY - WILCO SOLANGELO
FanfictionNico's more than a little broken. He feels as though he's a liability to everyone around him. He feels hated and unwanted and he desperately wants and needs someone to save him. Will is busy helping in the infirmary but a part of him still is focus...
