LIABILITY - WILCO SOLANGELO

Ch. 19

Guys commmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmentttttttt pleaseeeeeeeeeeee... it'll be like the biggest motivation in the world for meeee.

Come on my zombiessssss.... riseeeeeeeee

oh and TW : Mentions of sh like a tiny bit (okay no it gets pretty dark I take that back) and a kinda panic attack like just a lot of overthinking no blacking out or collpasing(?)

NICO POV

My heart was in my mouth and I felt sick to my stomach but I knew I had to be honest with Jason and Percy. If there was anyone I could be honest with it was them and I'd been holding this off too long. Meanwhile I thought about Will, I'd dragged him along with us of course. I don't know why but his presence was just comforting and at the moment he was the one who knew the most. At the same time my thoughts drifted to the impact all this might have on him. Was I actually hurting him by pulling him in this mess? Was I reminding him over and over again of Felix? I knew if anyone ever kept reminding of Bianca it would drive me mad. Was I doing the same? And his nightmare- I was cut off my Will pulling my cheek and saying "Don't use your pretty little brain so much Death Boy. Give it some rest." Percy and Jason laughed while I suppressed a smile and faked annoyance. 

We finally found ourself in Percy's cabin with Percy laying on his bed, Jason sitting prim and proper on the chair near Percy's bed and with Will and I cross legged on the floor. Percy insisted we join him on the bed but I was still afraid of passing through the bed even if I was completely solid. Will just followed me. I could sense he felt kind of out of place but he still stuck by my side for support. I loved it. 

We were in an awkward silence for all of two minutes before the ADHD kicked in and Percy spoke, "Spill Neeks." Me being classic me and finding every reason in the world to not talk just stood up walked up to Percy and pinched his arm "Same pinch." I even chuckled. Percy and Jason unfortunately didn't get it. But what was undeniably worse was that Will did. And he was not happy. I could see his eyes darken. "Don't fucking joke. It's not a fucking joke Nico." Who knew sunflower boy could swear? But honestly I was terrified of this version of Will. I swallowed. The room seemed to suddenly have a lack of oxygen. So what I did is remove my jacket. There was silence. Silence everywhere but inside my head. There were better ways to have gone about it for sure. This was probably the worst method. Percy and Jason were NOT ready for the shock. I should not have done that. I am such a fool. It could triggered Percy. I should not have done this. I don't think about others. I'm selfish. My thoughts began drowning me until a warm hand squeezed mine tight. And by tight I mean genuinely tight. Pain inducing but it brought me to reality. I didn't need to look down to see it's Will's hand but I did anyways. Anything to not focus on the pain. Then Percy hugged me tight. Jason joined the hug too and it felt like every fibre of my being was being squeezed to death but in the best possible way. Then came the more serious part of the conversation. 

Jason and Percy sat on the bed facing me while I stood awkwardly scratching my bare arms. I wasn't used to having my cuts exposed for so long. While Percy and Jason gathered their thoughts both with tears in their eyes, Will got up picked my jacket and gave it to me to wear. He must've sensed my discomfort the goddamn angel. He then gave my hand a tight squeezed and sat back on the ground as a silent spectator. 

I couldn't bring myself to look at Percy and Jason. The two strongest people in the world were crumbling before my eyes and it was all my fault. I glanced in their direction. Percy was staring at the ground with tear filled eyes with such intensity that I was afraid the ground would catch fire or worse explode with a water spring. Jason as always was more in control of his facial expressions but I would be lying if I said the air in the room was completely still and normal. It was turbulent as though it was fighting itself. I let out a sudden gasp of air I didn't know I was holding and both boys' face snapped up to me. I'm sure Will's did too though I couldn't see him. Finally Percy spoke, "Neeks, why neeks? Fuck. How did I never notice? I should've notice. One of us should have. And the ones on your wrist - the really deep ones - Neeks, gods you fucking tried didn't you? We fucking messed up so bad. I didn't notice. How didn't I notice? You're my cousin practically my brother and I let this happen. This is my fault. It's all because I couldn't save Bianca isn't it. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry Nico. I should've realised when you never removed your jacket. I should've realised you weren't okay when you were tired or angry instead of fighting with you. Instead of trying to drag you out of your cabin I should've spoken to you. Shit I messed up. How can I even call myself your friend? Will noticed it before us and he's barely know you that long. Why do I keep messing shit up?"