Ambivalence

The Inquisition of Lauren Jauregui

Lauren

It was cute how worried and nervous she was for me, but there was nothing she could do or say to her father that would make him ease up, nor did I want her to. What her father wanted was for me to prove to him that I was worthy of his daughter. In most cases, for fathers, that's impossible.  If My father was alive he would also do the same thing with Camila. I would never be worthy, I would just become tolerable. That was fine; tolerable was good. It was just I had no road map to get there, and what made it worse was the last person who had tried was an absolute buffoon of a man. Alejandro Cabello now had as much faith in me as he did in a snowman lasting in the desert.

"I made all your favorites, Kaki." Her mother led her to the table where she had laid out a whole spread, from baked chicken and salmon to gravy, bread, rice, and pies.

Camila looked down the length of the wooden table, and then back to her father. "Thank you, but please tell me you haven't been eating like this. Dad, you had a heart attack. Shouldn't you be eating fruits, vegetables, and nuts?"

She had a point.

"Do I look like a deer to you?"

She frowned.

He shook his head. "Your mother's been keeping me on the health food, okay, sweetheart? This is just to welcome you home. Maybe if you remembered how good home-cooked meals are, you would come home more often."

"Lauren's a great cook," she said proudly, taking her seat. (we all have seen her trying to make cheese bread Don't lie)

I noticed the her friends  quickly sat around her, forcing me to sit across from her and right next to her father at the head of the table. Her mother sat at the other end.

"You cook?" her mother asked me, placing the dishes around. (Barely)

"Ma'am, my mother wouldn't have it any other way."

She nodded proudly. "Now, if someone else would listen to their mother."

"Who will say grace?" Camila changed the subject, quickly raising her hands.

I looked at her and she nodded.

"You don't say grace?" Austin questioned.

"I do." Not.

"I'll say it, then." Camila clapped her hands together. "Bless this food, and the people who prepared it. Many thanks for the meal and the company, may it fill our stomachs and electrify our souls."

"Not bad." Troy nodded toward her. "I like the 'electrify our souls' bit."

"City Slicker, what does your mother do?" Hailey asked, grabbing a piece of chicken.

"She's the acting chairwoman of the hospital I work for."

"So, you are both doctors? What type? You look like a dentist," Troy questioned next.

I shook my head at Camila, telling her not to jump in. I could see what they were doing: asking all Alejandro's questions so he didn't have to.

"Dentists are important to a person's health. I, however, am a neurosurgeon, while my mother's specialty was pediatric surgery." I took a bite of the salmon. "This is incredible, Ma'am."

Camila grinned. "What did I say? Home of the—"

"The best wild salmon in the country!" I replied, shaking my head as I fought the smile spreading on my lips.

"And you thought I was joking." She nodded proudly while stuffing her face and I couldn't help but laugh out loud; she was cute. She glanced up at me and I kept staring at her.

I was about to say something when her father coughed beside me, reminding us we weren't alone.

"Thank you, Lauren. I'm glad you enjoy it," her mother cut in.

Austin's eyes narrowed in on me as I ate. "Neurosurgeon, huh? Fancy, but does it count if your mom runs the hospital?"

"I graduated top of my class at Yale Medical. I was offered the choice to stay there, but I wanted to be closer to my family. So of course I went to work for my mother's hospital."

I knew it was coming. I felt it.

Don't ask. Don't.

"And your father?" Hailee pressed.

Called it.

Camila put her fork down. "Guys, we just got back. Can you save the questions for another time—"

"It's fine. My father was also a neurosurgeon. He died of a heart attack when I was eleven. I was there with my mother and younger brother when it happened." I looked to her father, who had yet to say anything, but whom I could feel watching me. "So, sir, I truly hope you are taking much better care of yourself. The last thing I want is for Camila to feel like she was cheated out of time with her father."

Just like I knew it would, the dinner table became silent; it was why I hadn't wanted them to ask—I knew it would just make them feel awkward.

"Okay." Troy cracked his neck side to side. "Lightning round. You ready?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"How old are you?" Hailee asked, not answering me.

"31."

"Born on?"

"June 27th."

"Where do you live?"

"Right next door to Camila."

They all looked to Alejandro, then Camila, and back to me.

"She lived there first, and I moved in next door," Camila replied. "No, I didn't know."

Troy picked the questions. "Where did you grow up?"

"Townhouse on East 63rd Street in New York."

"This your first time ever leaving the city?"

"No. I've traveled, but mostly to other cities."

"Do you have any kids?"

"No."

"Do you want kids?"

"Eventually."

This time, they looked to Camila, who quietly finished off her salmon. Finally, she gave up and glared at them before turning to me. "I'm not a kids person," she replied.

I found that hard to believe. "You love kids. You spent most of your time visiting them in the hospital."

"Oh, I love them, but in expected, limited doses. Plus, I can always just give them back to their parents," she replied.

"She wants her mother to die of a broken heart is what she is really saying," her mother replied, frowning at her.

Camila sighed. "If it makes you feel better, I've gone from a hard no to a maybe."

Her Friends looked at me.

"Are you out of questions?" I asked.

"What's your favorite movie?" Hailee asked as seriously as she could.

"Guys, really?" Camila frowned.

"I have to agree, that was a weak one." Her mother laughed.

"Ocean's Eleven."

"Me too." Camila smiled.

"Wait!" Troy raised his hand. "Which version, 1960 or 2001?"

"2001." I hadn't even known there was an earlier one.

All of them—including Camila—groaned.

Her mom shook her head.

"She can't be perfect." Camila tried to defend me, but ended up frowning. "Really? Clooney over Sinatra?"

"I really didn't know there was an earlier one," I said to her, causing a few sighs.

Hailee grinned. "No one thinks it's a weak question now, huh?"

"Did you know Lauren owns a Black 1965 Aston Martin DB5 Vantage Convertible?" Camila asked, trying to save me.

All the of them looked to her.

"No way."

"I took a picture." She sang happily and tried to get her cell phone.

"No phones at the dinner table," her mother said.

"It's a 1965 Aston Martin," Hailee said to the older woman.

"Mrs. Cabello, it's James Bond's car," Austin added.

"No phones at my dinner table," she repeated sternly.

"Yes, Ma'am," they both said.

I chuckled