Ambivalence

Tick, Tick, BOOM

Camila

"Home sweet home," I said to Thunder, opening the apartment door for us. Thunder was not as excited as me. He just walking over to his bed and curled up into a ball. "Well then."

"He could just be tired," Lauren said, putting the bags down at the door before walking into my kitchen. "Your fridge is empty. Karla Camila."

"But I have a cellphone and a list of great takeout places."

"After having your mother's cooking for the weekend, takeout just feels like a disappointment," she replied, grabbing water for herself. "Did you call her to let her know we got back?"

"Shoot," I said, pulling out my phone.

She shook her head, walking over to my window and resting against the wall with a pillow at her back.

"When do you get to go back to work?" I asked her as I dialed.

"I can go back Friday." She pulled out his phone.

We had left Cypress early that morning. All my friends  had come and even called Lauren by her first name, which was a start. My dad hugged me for so long I thought we were going to miss our flight

 My mother...well, she just gave me a look like she could read everything that had happened the night before with Lauren. I had stayed with her until the sun came up before sneaking back to my bedroom. You would think being a grown woman, I wouldn't have to sneak anywhere, but I was not ready, nor would I ever be, to have that battle with my parents.

For the first time in forever, I didn't panic on the flight. I just thought about the night before or held on to Lauren, and everything felt all right. I wasn't scared. Sore, yes, but not scared.

"Hey Mom, it's me. I just wanted to let you know we got back safely. I'll try and call a little later. Love you, bye." I left the message, hanging up. Right after I did, my agent, Normani, called.

"Hello, Mani?"

"Hey, Camila, is this a bad time? I wasn't sure when you came back from your parents," she said.

I grabbed a glass of water for myself. "That's fine. What's up?"

"Well, I have a new project for you. I think it would be great, but you should know something."

"What is it?" I asked, putting my glass on the counter.

"Well, it's from Shawn—"

"Normani, I'm not interested."

"Your contract isn't up, and of all the things they sent over, this is the best one for your career."

Damn me for not cutting ties when I had a chance, I thought, putting my hand on my forehead.

"Fine, what is it?"

"Shawn is starting a new magazine, called The Wonder, and is partnering with National Geographic to do it."

"And they want me, too?"

"They want you to be the main photographer for it. You would travel around the world, shooting people from all walks of life. The rich, the poor, everyone, and it will be featured in The Wonder. Everything would be paid for, of course, and you would get a team..."

My eyes shifted to Lauren, who sat comfortably next to Thunder, petting his fur. "Find another project, Normani," I said.

"Camila, this is amazing, you would be opening yourself up to so many opportunities —"

"Normani," I said as softly and as sternly as I possibly could. "Find another project for me to do to finish up my contract, all right? I will talk to you later. Thanks." I hung up before she could say anything else.

"Is everything okay?" Lauren straightened some.

"Everything is fine. Did you find anything to eat?" She looked like she didn't believe me, but looked through her phone anyway.

"What are you in the mood for? Thai? Chinese?"

"How about we get a hamburger and fries? The more I think about it, the better it sounds," I said, walking over to her and offering my hand to help her off the ground.

She took it, standing up. "That works. How do you have so much energy after—"

"After last night?" I grinned, holding the door open for her. "I have no idea, but I'm sure it will hit me later. For now, I want to eat. The cereal and toast we had this morning was nowhere near enough. Bye, Thunder."

I closed and locked the door. She took my hand, leading us to the elevator. We both stopped when we saw Toby there, slouched with a half-bottle of whiskey in his hands. He looked up at the numbers above us.

"This...isn't...my...floor..." He hiccupped, slipping backward.

Lauren ran to catch him.

The bottle slipped from his hand, falling to the ground.

"Toby," Lauren called to him.

"Dr. Jauregui?" He laughed, patting her shoulder and trying to stand straight. When he came back up, he had the neck of the broken bottle in his hand. "You are a daughter of a bitch, you know that?" The elevator doors closed again. Lauren shook her head when I tried to come closer and I pressed the button for Toby's floor.

"You doctors can't do shit." He laughed again, and when Lauren tried to hold him steady, he pushed her away. "All you did was make my daughter feel worse! And then you come in all proud and mighty like you are some fucking god, and stop trying to save her! Time of death, 8:43 PM. You know, that is all I hear now! Every goddamn day, that's all I hear. Time of death, 8:43 PM. What gives you the right, huh? What gives you the right to say my daughter's dead!"

"Toby—"

"And you!" He cut her off, turning to me.

The moment he did, Lauren stood right in front of me.

"You and your stupid, goddamn fucking painting! You weren't helping anyone! Every time I look at it, I want to set it on fire. Why did you have to go draw it? You should have put an X over everyone's face—"

The doors opened again, and he collapsed, shaking.

"Call an ambulance. He most likely has alcohol poisoning." Lauren was on her hands and knees.

I was already on the phone as Lauren turned Toby's body to the side to help him breathe, keeping his head elevated at the level of his knees. The fact that we lived so close to the hospital had never come as more of a relief than it did in that moment when the ambulance pulled up. I waited for them outside and held the door open as they, alongside Lauren , helped Toby from the elevator onto a gurney.