Ambivalence

The Asshole and the Beauty

Camila

I felt sick. With each step I took across the airport, my heart ached, but I kept walking, pulling my suitcase behind me as I went.

This was right.

This would be great for my career.

It's what I'd always wanted.

Why does it feel like I'm trying to convince myself? It's the truth! I love what I do and now I get to take photos all over the world. Places I have always dreamed of were just one plane ride away and yet I wanted to—

"Spleen?"

Turning around, Shawn smiled brightly, a plane ticket in his hand, his jacket casually laid over his arm. I couldn't do this.

"Shawn—"

"I know. You hate me right now, and you should, but we fell in love through your art once, and I'm not going to deny that I hope it happens again because you are the—"

"Shawn. I forgive you." I smiled, facing him. "And I don't hate you. Hating you makes me tired. But you need to understand I don't feel the same. There isn't any art in the world that can change that. I'm not going to rebuild us, so please let me go."

Before he could reply, I felt a shiver go up my spine at the voice behind me.

"Camila."

I didn't turn around, gripping on to the handle of my suitcase.

"Karla."

He called again, his voice closer.

I glanced up to Shawn, and the look on his face made me want to laugh, yet for some stupid reason, my eyes began to water.

"How did you even get here?" Shawn questioned.

Lauren simply ignored him. "Karla Camila...I'll wait," she said calmly.

Taking a deep breath, I partially turned back to her. She stood there in blue scrubs, her dark hair a mess, her eyes only on me. When I faced her completely, the corners of her mouth turned up slowly until she had a full blown grin on her face and her smile made me smile, I couldn't help it.

"Don't look at me like that." It made me feel better and hurt all at the same time.

"Sorry, I can't help it," she replied, taking a step closer to me. "Yesterday you asked me to love you enough to let you go and I did, because I never want to stop you from doing what you want. I thought I could bear it. Actually I'm a little embarrassed because I even gave you that stupid speech about being happy, but I'm a lot more selfish than I thought. When I woke up this morning I realized I didn't want you to be happy without me because I'm not happy without you. I get why you're scared, but trust in the fact that I love you in ways I can't even describe though I wish I could, because then I'd know why I can't think straight when we are in the same room. Don't run from me Camila. Love me enough to stay."

She didn't just take my breath away, she was the air in my lungs and I had no words, just tears. Cupping the sides of my face, she brushed them away with a smile. The more I looked at her, the more I loved her. Like a movie, everything—all the pain we had gone through just to get there—played in my mind, and I realized maybe it wasn't just love between us, but fate.

"Okay," I finally managed to say, letting go of my suitcase.

"Thank you," she whispered over my lips, and I knew the moment her lips were

on mine...it had to be fate.

It had to be her.

Lauren