Strange [h.s.]

Thirty Seven

Written by Ella Frazier

Published April 13th

One of my favorite quotes comes from Edgar Allen Poe, and it reads, "There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness."

I think there are many ways to read this quote, to digest it, but the one way I consider it is this:

What is remarkable in life is often strange in its complexity.

What do I mean by that? It's simple, really: life.

We, as humans, have many run-ins with this feeling.

It's that overwhelming feeling when you move out of your childhood home, and you sit in this new apartment, boxes piled up around you, and you think to yourself that it doesn't feel like home and this was a mistake.

But, you unpack the boxes, and you make it home.

Strange to be somewhere new. Remarkable to make it your own.

It's that feeling when your sister calls you and asks you to come over for dinner, and you agree, but once you get there, she introduces you to some guy she's been dating for a few months now.

Strange to see your sister in love. Remarkable to see her in love.

It's that feeling when you are standing in front of your friends and family in a light pink dress, watching as your sister gets married.

Strange to watch your sister get married. Remarkable to see them be in love.

It's that feeling when your eyes land on a guy from across the bar who has been staring at you all night, from what your sister told you. It's also the feeling you get when you unexpectedly find yourself walking over to him, and by the look on his face, he also wasn't expecting it.

Strange to be so brave. Remarkable to have it work in your favor.

It's the same feeling you get when that person asks to see you again and again and again until it feels like all you do is spend time with them, but it's lovely nonetheless.

Strange to give myself up to you. Remarkable that you took me with open hands.

It's that feeling you get when you know something is wrong, but you don't know what it is.

It's the feeling of watching someone you loved entirely walk out your door for god knows how long.

Strange to lose them. Remarkable to love them.

It's the same exact feeling you get when you walk into your sister's house and see them sitting on the living room couch after not seeing them for seven months. Their hair is a little longer, but their smile is still the same as you remember.

Strange to see you again. Remarkable to have you in my presence.

It's the feeling you get when you see them again, this time over dinner.

The feeling you get when you kiss them for the first time again, in the rain, might I add.

The feeling you get when you say I love you again.

And lastly, strange is the feeling you get when you move in with them.

To look back on where you were months ago, where you thought everything was going to shit and nothing would ever work out again, only for life to be beautiful right before you.

Strange to be alive, to feel these things, but remarkable to be alive and feel these things with you.

A few months ago, I encountered the strangest thing in my life this far.

I had someone who I loved with everything I had in me, someone who loved me back just as hard, if not more, and I watched them slip away.

Life felt like it was moving in slow motion. I could see the pieces of him leaving me, but I didn't know what to do.

That helplessness was strange.

Eventually, the strange feeling turned to grief, as we had to make the tough decision to leave each other.

But, in the strangeness, there is beauty.

The pain and grief allowed for both of us to grow. To become better versions of ourselves so that if fate and the stars brought us back together one day, we would be ready, cause that's all life is. Growing and growing.

And that's exactly what happened.

Life, as complex as it is, has a strange way of teaching you things. It tears you down and makes you pick yourself up, only to throw you back into the dirt again. But time and time again, you get up and learn from these moments.

And what I've learned from this is that life and feeling strange and being strange and everything that comes with it is beautiful.

To sit in these feelings, to let them take over you, is something we take for granted in life. These uncomfortable moments make us who we are. They shape us to be ready for things in life, and when we encounter something that covers us in uncomfortableness, we are prepared to handle it with grace, just as we have before.

I'm at a point in life now where I don't get these feelings anymore, well, at least not as bad as I used to. They come and go, but having lived through it all, I know there is something waiting for me at the end of it, and that gives me peace of mind.

So, if there is one thing that you take out of my endless rambling and repeating of words in this mess, I hope it is that you look for the beauty in the strange because it's there, I promise, even if you don't see it now.

And if you're anything like me, you'll lose the meaning of the word strange by the time you finish reading this, and you'll be left with the beauty that comes with it, and that has to mean something.

A/N

AW

The last official chapter of Strange!

There are going to be three epilogues that will come out hopefully soon. I'm in my last few weeks of school and have a lot of final papers and projects and stuff to do, so give me some grace on working on those first, but once they are done, the epilogues will be my main focus!

I love you all so so much. Thank you for loving me and my babies just the same.

I'll see you soon <3