Reylo: These Violent Delights

Chapter 57: An Awakening

Rey sat at the bar, tapping her fingers to the shitty song coming from the stage.

A drink sat in front of her, as did the empty glass from her first round. The lights were low in Groman's Cantina as it bustled with chatter and laughter, and a heavy incensed aroma hung in the air. It was warm and stuffy, but she was comfortable in her black, flowy dress that the Korras gave her. Absentmindedly dipping a finger below her black ribbon choker, she glanced to the right when someone bumped into her.

Two male aliens were making out against the bar, their bodies firmly pressed together as one of them slipped their hand down the other's pants. She quickly redirected her gaze, but came face to face with a toothless man sloppily blowing a kiss at her. Grimacing, she decided that looking straight ahead was the safest bet right now, as she was unwilling to let anyone irk her on her birthday.

"Anotha drink, love?"

Rey glanced at the friendly bartender, smiling as she slid her empty glasses toward her. "Please."

As they were taken away, Rey began humming the song the band was playing, feeling a little more lively than usual. This was the first time she had been out and about since she went into hiding three months ago, when she stole Vicrul's motorcycle after stabbing him and then abandoning him with nothing but a vial of bacta. She regretted leaving him like that, but a part of her felt eerily calm about it, like she knew he would be okay. And at the end of the day, she had to look out for herself—something that Vicrul had wished for her himself.

"Run as far as you can, and only look back when you're ready."

At the time, she knew she had to run, but she had no idea where to go. So, after fleeing the Korra's neighborhood, she drove into the night, letting the moonlight guide her until she ended up at a space station on the edge of town. She wasn't sure how she got so lucky, but she didn't question it when she was mistaken for somebody meant to be there.

"Are you Jammiyah's replacement?" the slim, masked female had asked from atop the ramp of a ship that was ready to depart.

Rey shrugged. "I can be."

She looked her up and down. "Do you know how to fight?"

"All too well."

She considered her for a moment, then jerked her head toward the shuttle to invite Rey inside. "Hurry up, these shipments are already late, and Hondo Ohnaka is not a patient man."

Rey didn't tell her that she knew Hondo Ohnaka from her Kanjiklub days, and even before she made it onboard, she knew what she was getting herself into—piracy and spice running. The crew barely looked at her when she walked in unless it was to scowl at her or size her up, but she was quick in collecting her observations, too. They were of varying species, with only one other human like her. The youngest looked to be about nineteen while the oldest was maybe seventy, all donning mismatched, weathered clothing and brutal scars on their face and arms.

As the ship had taken off, she gravitated toward the young Rodian with a missing ear. She figured he'd ignore her when she sat down, but he offered her some of his pudding and gave her a smile full of broken teeth when she took it. She soon learned he was the only one who smiled out of the bunch. Even so, she felt a sense of comfort around them. Just like in the old days with the gang, they were all simply misfits that needed each other to survive. After the first few export dispatches, Rey felt right at home with them.

The work was easy enough—highly illegal, but straightforward and fast-paced. The crew quickly moved from place to place, mostly delivering stolen cargo versus stealing the goods themselves, coupled with the spontaneous spice deal here and there. She didn't mind; doing illegal shit meant they were never in one place long enough for the First Order or Resistance to find them. It was all she could have asked for, and despite being aboard a shuttle with criminals, she felt safe. She felt understood. Most importantly, she felt free. The only issue was she couldn't stop thinking about Kylo.

Every night she spent lying awake in her cramped, stiff cot, Rey would see his face behind her eyelids. Sleep didn't offer her relief, either. Her dreams of him woke her up nightly, but not once had he found her again in her dreamscape. At first, she was relieved, but it got to the point where she would pray that she'd see him again from the confines of her mind.

Another part of her kept waiting for the hatred to seep back in, for the realization that she didn't actually love him, but instead just infatuated with someone that filled a void deep inside of her. She forced herself to remember all the terrible things that happened, hoping it would ground her enough to keep her from looking back.

As the bartender delivered her fresh drink, Rey snorted to herself, twirling the straw in the glass. Yeah, that never happened. If anything, each passing day made her miss Kylo more. The way he touched her and looked at her made her feel whole. As did the way he understood her and how he felt like home. It felt safe to be herself with him, to show him the dark parts within her. The same darkness he immediately recognized in her and also saw in himself.

As the days passed, she thought she'd find peace, but instead, she felt like an untethered soul desperately seeking its anchor. And despite everything, she still wanted to be with him, demons and all, but she was too afraid to make that call. What if he moved on? What if he kept her as a prisoner again? She had too many unanswered questions, and the last time she had seen him, he was acting psychotic, forcibly kissing her and demanding that she say she was his.

Even still, things hadn't felt right without him. Rey needed closure. So, after she couldn't take it anymore, she shot up from her cot and pulled her bag from underneath the mattress. She rummaged through it, found a piece of paper, and curled up to write Kylo a letter.

At the time, the urge to see him had been so strong, she was almost tempted to reveal her location and let him bring her home, but she got a grip and kept it short, communicating that all she needed was space. And she had no idea when she'd be ready. Writing it was the easy part—getting it to him, though? She didn't have that all figured out, but the next day on Kijimi, the universe sent her a sign when she saw a group of undercover Resistance fighters boarding a shuttle.

"You. I recognize you from Crait," Rey said, digging in her pocket for her letter. "Is Zeven still with the Resistance?

His mouth dropped. "Holy stars. You're...you're—"

"Yes, I am," she snapped. "Is she with you or not?" Still staring at her with wide eyes, all he did was nod, and Rey grabbed his hands to make him clutch the letter. "Good. This needs to get her, and tell her that the General will need to get it to her son."