the reality of being human

4

(TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, Self Harm, Mention of eating disorders)

National Suicide Prevention line 1-800-273-8255
Or 988 for the US

I'm 19. In 19 years I've had 4 close friends who were suicidal, and I've had to talk 5 people off the ledge.

The first was a friend of a friend who the 2 of us combined helped get them to tell their parents, call the hotline and go to their parents work to get help at that exact moment, when they were planning on committing.

The next was such a close friend i considered them a sibling. We're not close anymore, but they struggled with severe depression and their parents were not great, it wasn't a safe place for here to share their feelings. They told me multiple times I was one of the reasons they were alive, and I would send them messages begging them to tell their parents daily, they refused and I knew I needed to tell someone to get help for them but instead was able to convince them to talk to their parents and get the help they needed.

The next was a current friend, we've grown apart slightly but I still love them to death. They told me a week after that they had been planning to take their life the week before, and had set a time and plan. But instead were able to tell their parents and get help, the day before they had plans to commit. It broke my heart that they were struggling so much and didn't tell anyone but I was so glad they got the help they needed.

The next, I don't know who it was. I was in my dorm on yikyak one night and someone posted that they'd lost everything, they couldn't deal with it anymore and they were going to take their life. I commented and messaged them, and after a lot of back and forth they agreed to call the hotline and go to the doctor to get help. It was terrifying, I had no clue who they were, so I had no one to contact about it but they changed my life, and I hope I changed theirs. The fact you can have such a dramatic impact on a random persons life is so powerful. I almost went to bed early that night, but decided to look at yikyak first and I'll forever be grateful for that.

The next 2 were siblings to each other, I was closer to one who had always struggled with body image issues, disorders eating habits and depression. They had told everyone they had gotten better, their parents knew and had helped them through. But it became apparent they were only saying that because their sibling needed help too and they wanted to let everyone help them instead of helping themselves. Their sibling struggled with a severe eating disorder, depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts and an attempt. They were getting all the help they possibly could, from their parents and numerous doctors.

The one I was closest to finally told me they weren't actually better. They were suicidal and were thinking about self harm. They assured me they had told their parents and were getting help. It became a daily routine of them telling me they wanted to die, me trying to talk them down, which would work but whenever they wouldn't answer for a few hours I would have a panic attack. They told me it was okay to tell my mom what was happening since my mom saw me having the panic attacks and could tell how mentally drained I was, I was always on edge. After a few months they were both doing a bit better. The one I wasn't as close to still had trouble eating but was recovering, they hadn't self harmed in 4 days which may seem like a short time but before that it was almost daily.

The one I was closest too still had trouble eating, and had depression but the suicidal thoughts had gone away. I was still always on edge, anxious every second knowing I could lose someone I loved. It caused me to be so mentally drained I barely was able to get out of bed and was always exhausted. I would stay up late each night because that's the time they normally needed me.And I didn't want to miss if they called for help.

After another month they were doing remarkably better, which made me start getting more sleep, less anxious and more happier. Throughout the months I knew them I would check in with their parents (with my friends permission) to make sure they knew everything that was happening.