Temperature's Rising. [WATTYS 2023]

𝘛𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘙𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 : 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

I felt like a caged animal as I sat across from my therapist, the ticking of the clock reverberating off the walls of her office. My phone was tucked under my leg, and I resisted the urge to run away. I steeled myself for another session of analyzing my feelings and troubles, even though I knew she was only trying to help. She grabbed her yellow notepad and her favorite ballpoint pen and cleared the first page before looking up at me expectantly. "Where were we?" she asked. "We were discussing...my situation," I replied unhappily.

"Ah, Yes!" Her eyes lit up and she smiled, a wide grin that stretched across her face. She nodded eagerly in agreement. "Before we move on to the juicy stuff, let's see what's causing you to use sex as an escape from your feelings. Then we can get into those two men you have feelings for."

I heaved a heavy sigh and slumped into the chair across from her. "Yes, I do use sex as a coping mechanism sometimes," I admitted sheepishly, averting my gaze. She nodded in understanding and then asked me something that made my stomach churn. "What's the longest you've gone without sex?" I rolled my eyes and thought for a moment before answering. "About four months, I guess." She gave another nod. "Okay, so that's not too bad, but I want you to try and go longer than that. Try not to use sex as a distraction or escape; instead, find ways to express your feelings without hiding them between the sheets." The weight of her words bore down on me and I sighed heavily again, feeling defensive. "I'm not an addict," I said. "My roommate is always having different guys over every night - he's gonna get AIDS or something! But that's not me..." Her expression softened but she didn't back down. "I'm not saying you're addicted," she said gently. "But you did tell me you tried to distract yourself with Destinee – that you used sex because it clouded your head."

Heaven sighed. "Yes." She nods. "I did just say that and I'm sorry to deflect, I just... Can I be honest here?"

Heaven nervously looked around the room before finally meeting her therapist's gaze. "Yes, you know you can," he said comfortingly. Heaven nodded her head and began speaking. "I did like Destinee, but she had this part of her that I didn't like either. We'd been honest with each other since day one, so when I suggested an open relationship it wasn't because I didn't want to be tied down to her, as much as it was that I didn't want to be labeled as a lesbian when that wasn't who I was; though I could still appreciate being intimate with two women in particular due to our strong connection. Destinee was a beautiful person and made me laugh..." Heaven paused for a second before continuing, "But at the same time, her temper scared me and she was a habitual liar. Lying about trivial matters like where she had been or when she got home... And that last part was something I just couldn't get on board with. For example..."