Sanders Sides one shots

Why Did You Do It? (hot Sauce P2?)

Okay, so this isn't the scheduled chapter but I had sudden inspiration. This is angst. Pure angst. Basically it's just how I feel rn. So don't judge please.  I picked this particular character because it's the most relatable person to me. I would say enjoy but you probably won't.

Triggers: everything. Just don't read it. Self harm( cutting and burning), starvation and depression

Patton stared ahead. He couldn't comprehend what was happening in front of him. Janus was stood over Remy, with a syringe of dark brown liquid in his hand. "Ja-Janus... Please tell me Rem is OK..."
"he's fine you useless trash can. Go to sleep and everything will be fine tomorrow. You don't want to hurt Thomas do you?" A question like that and an eyebrow raise was all it took to get Morality moving.

*timeskip*

Janus stared into the broken mirror before him. The blood dripped down, blurring the distorted image." I did this to protect Thomas. I did this to save him." He slammed his hands down, moving away from the dressing table as he did so. "I DID EVERYTHING TO PROTECT THOMAS! I DID IT ALL FOR HIM!" Not even making it to the bed, he collapsed on the floor, a burning heap of sled hatred.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! YOU STUPID STUPID IDIOT! WHY? FOR FUCKS SAKE! WHY DID YOU LET HIM SEE?! THEY'RE GONNA ASK YOU WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT NOW. YOU FUCKING DUMBASS. GIVE YOURSELF A PUNISHMENT BEFORE THEY DO. MAKE IT SUBTLY OBVIOUS. You know what you need to do.

Eager to drown out the thoughts, the snake drew out his headphones. He didn't feel that way really. No, it was just the anxiety talking. Living with Virgil for years taught Janus that headphones were always a good way of putting thoughts to sleep.

Just like you did to Remmy. That poor guy. It's not his fault for keeping Thomas awake. It's not his fault for being Insomnia in hiding. You need to do something before the others cast you out. You don't want to be all alone again do you? Didn't you say you would rather die?

Deceit gave up on fighting. He turned on his back, gazing at the ceiling. Streams slipped down his cheeks, running from his eyes. When did he start crying? Fuck knows. The mindscape around him was almost silent, filled with only the light snores of the sleeping sides. And quiet, muffled sobs of Pat.

It's not like you killed him forever. That would be impossible. You just stopped him from being an issue. That's what he told himself, anyway.

Is that so? Then would you have done the same thing with... Patton? Or Logan? Or Remus? Or.... VIIRRGILLL?

"FUCK! It's true... I wouldn't have touched the others.... What the fuck have I done...? I do need punishment... I need it.... All that pain I caused... I need to feel that...."

Only minutes later, the self preservation side sat with a small pencil sharpener before him. With a crunch, the blue plastic cracked, pushing the blade free. The shiny, new, clean blade. It could do so much damage. Even kill him, if he were human.
But he wasn't. So, instead of death, he would have to cope with unimaginable pain.
He needed it. He deserved it.
His usual cloak was curled on the floor, directly below his exposed right wrist. With all the pressure he could manage, he put the blade to his skin.

Nothing happened.

Was he broken?

A failure?

Only able to hurt others?

Never accept the pain he caused as his own?

The blade pushed down harder.

And still

Nothing

"Well.
....

I'm fucked"