A lost star

Survival

Y/n's Pov:
As I slowly opened my eyes I looked around realizing I was not in Severus room anymore. I quickly sat up looking around but the pain caused me to yelp in pain. Some lady came running over placing her hands on my shoulders. "Miss you need to be carful! We cannot risk re opening your wounds!" She said, I was so confused of what was going on. "Who are you!? Where am I!? Where's Severus!!??" I begin panicking, she leans me back against the bed trying to calm me down. "Ms, you're safe, Snape brought you here. I don't know where he is but earlier Dumbledore ordered him back to his room to rest." I felt calmer knowing I was somewhere safe & that Snape was the one to bring me here...I need to thank him, god I feel guilty for dragging him down again. I nodded thanking her, she gives me a small smile. "I'll go get Dumbledore now, he wanted me to inform him once you woke." She said, I nodded. Dumbledore walks up smiling with relief, I give him a small smile back. "You're awake L/N!" He says I nod. "Grate I'll go get Severus!" I quickly sat up again. "No! Ugh" I felt the pain shoot up again so I leaned back in embarrassment. He raised a eyebrow at me, I looked down biting my lip not knowing what to say. Dumbledore raised a eyebrow at me & turned back to face me. "What's wrong L/n?" He said, I looked up at him then back down at my lap, I fiddled with my fingers trying to think of what to say. "I..I don't know, I just feel bad about what happened...& I know he's angry, I don't blame him, but I can't see him right now." I said as I sunk my nails into my palms, I felt Dumbledore place a hand on my arm. "L/n, please don't separate yourself from him, you both need to stop blaming yourselves." He said, I felt the tears in my eyes begin to build. "I..I know..I will talk to him, I promise, just not right now.." I said, he nodded. "Alright, then I'll leave you to rest." He said smiling, I smile back as he walks away. I signed out in relief, I wanted to see Severus so bad, I wanted him to hold me as I inhaled his calming scent, but I was too embarrassed of myself for him to see me, at least right now. I'll talk to him later...yah later.

4 Weeks Later
Snapes Pov:
It has been a month sense Y/n was in the hospital and a couple weeks ago she was released but still hasn't requested me. I didn't push it because I assumed she wanted space and would eventually talk to me...but she hasn't. Maybe she's mad at me for taking her to the nurse? I noticed her wounds have healed and we ended up finding out who attacked her and expelled them. But despite her wounds from healing she seems different, she doesn't seem present during class & before I can talk to her after class she left the room. Sometimes I notice when she moves she stumbles which is concerning, it's hard to tell if she's using her bad habits again or not. When I go to her room she's never there either, it seems she's avoiding me. Why is she avoiding me?

Y/n's Pov:

"Hey Y/n there's another party tonight in the Slytherin house!" A girl tells me, I thank her for telling me. I've been going to a lot of parties recently, I mean drinking is better then cutting myself...it is. I get to my dorm room & look at the clock, it's almost time, I quickly changed into my black oversized hoodie and quickly run to the nearest girls bathroom. I close and lock the stall & sit on top of the toilet & wait. I knew if I was in my room when he'd stop by I'd be to weak & open the door for him. I wait until it's night time, I checked the clock as I leave the stall, good the party should be started now. I rush over to the party and instantly chug a full cup of alcohol and pour myself another drink immediately. The pit in my stomach grew more the more drinks I had, ugh I missed him so much I feel like I can't stop crying because how much I missed him. I pour myself my 6th cup and start drinking it as more tears begin to pour out of my eyes. I begin walking around with my hood over my head like always so nobody would notice the tears. I begin to walk back to my room happy that I was drunk but tears still begin to pour out of my eyes even though I can't remember why. I finally made it to my room like always stumbling into my bed throwing the empty cup onto the flood. I started trying to remember what made me feel so sad but when I did my body just heat up until I fell asleep. I woke up to my arm blasting in my ear causing me to yep & fall onto the floor, I groan in pain holding my had wanting to break my phone for it being so loud. But that was my you have to quickly get ready before he gets here alarm so I quickly got up & stumbled to my side table to take some reliever. When I opened the bottle to get my daily morning hangover pill there was nothing coming out. Fuck, I ran out, fuck this was all the nurse gave me from when I last saw her! Shit I need to get some more from her, thankfully it still hasn't been long sense my accident so she'll still believe I'm in pain! I realized I would have to wait to get the pain relievers after class was over because I wouldn't have time to get them before, fuck ima have to deal with all the annoying ass kids screaming all day...great. I stumbled down to the cafeteria trying to get some food in my stomach so I wouldn't be puking everywhere, sense I've started drinking if I didn't eat if puke up what I drank so shockingly I'm actually eating now. I tried my best to cover my ears while I ate & walked to my classes, fuck it was like the professors where screaming their lessons. Finally, my last class, even though it was my potions class I was happy knowing I was even closer to get my sweet sweet pills. I fell into my seat, fuck why is everything so bright? Isn't his room suppose to be depressing? I tried looking up to watch Snape speak but not only was he screaming the room was spinning, I had to just stare at my notebook to avoid getting dizzy & throwing up as all the loud noises started muffling together. I kept hearing this one noise over & over tell I realized it was my name, I shot my head up instantly regretting that as everything begins to spin & slowly focuses on the blurry blob in front of me. "Uh yah..?" I sluggishly say trying to figure out what this person was trying to say. Once everything slowed down I realized who was talking to me, fuck...Snape was standing in front of my table looking at me confused & slightly worried. I gulped once I realized who it was. "I SAID, are you ok?" He said raising a eyebrow at me. I slowly closed my eyes for a couple seconds as my brain tries to calm down from the sudden heart pounding from his tall figure looking down at me. I then looked around slowly realizing we where the only people in his classroom, how long have we been alone in his class? I slowly stood up thanking the table for helping me up so I wouldn't stumble more in front of him. "Y-yes..I'm fine." I said packing my things into my bag, as I placed my book in my bag I felt Snape grab my arm, normally that would hurt but I've replaced my old habits so I ended up just stopping what I was doing & slowly looked up at him, ugh he's always pushing me by keep asking me if I'm ok, I'm fine! Leave me alone even though I'm dying without you!! I glared at him, why won't he just leave me alone? "I said I was fine s-.." I pulled back putting the rest of my papers in my bag. As I turned away he spoke. "No you are NOT Y/n. Today you've looked the worse I've seen you & you weren't even aware of it! Your welcome for taking you to the nurse when you where hurt! I normally don't care about my students so your welcome for helping you!" He said, I felt my fists clenched when he said that, I didn't even turn to face him, he's always budding in when he doesn't need to. "So then just stop! I don't need your help! I just need you to LEAVE ME ALONE!" I said as I stormed out of his classroom, I could feel tears building up but I didn't care, I couldn't focus on that anymore, I just needed a relief. I got to the nurse explaining how I needed more pain relievers & at first she looked confused but then handed me another bottle telling me the same old same old of not overusing them or whatever. I thanked her & ran to my room shoving 6 pills into my mouth, that should be enough. I changed into the same hoodie & went to the same party to forget everything that just happened. I immediately chugged two cups as soon as I got to the party, fuck him, he doesn't know what he's talking about! So what if he makes my heart flutter & I'm sadder now that I'm not with him daily. I chugged another drink, why can't he realize I don't want to talk to him because I'm embarrassed of myself!? He's so selfish.. I poured myself another drink pulling my hood up, whyyy he's such a dumbasssss, I think as I sip on my drink & walk around the room. So so so so stupiddd, I think as I finished another drink. It was that time again where I was walking back to my room to fade into nothing. I open the door throwing the cup to the floor as I always do & crashed onto my bed finally able to sleep again, finally haha. I woke up to my annoying alarm & shoved a bunch more pills & got ready, this time I felt better about class sense I didn't have a pounding headache. I wondered back down to the cafeteria grabbing some delicious food. Lucy came wondering up sitting next to me making me smile sense I haven't seen her in a while. "Hi Y/n!!" She said making me smile. "Hi Lucy!" I said feeling happy. "We need to hangout Y/n, it's been too long!" She said, I nodded chewing on my food. "There's a Slytherin party tonight if you wanna come with me?" I asked, she raised her eyebrow at me. "Wait Snape allows that?" I stop eating at her sudden words. "Of course not, why would he even have a say on anything?" I asked now irritated about Severus, she looked at me a little concerned. "Because how much you two where always together.." she said, I almost choked on my food. "He's always budding in, why would I even bother with him!" I said, she looked sadden when I said that. "Sorry Y/n.." she said, I looked at her feeling a bit guilty. "It's fine, it's not you I'm mad at, I'm sorry for snapping." I said, she smiled seeming better now. "It's ok, I have to get to class but I'll see you tonight!?" She said smiling again, I nodded smiling as she walked away. I then got up & went through my day, this time I immediately ran out of my classes before anyone could say anything now that I'm more aware.