you found me - Rafe Cameron

XIV - i was never there

My eyes slowly open as I am awoken by the sound of my phone ringing. I reach my arm out searching for my phone which was on the bedside table next to me. I look over at Rafe sleeping cosy next to me. I swipe my phone and answer.

"Hello?"

"S, finally. Where are you?"

"Erm." I quickly sit up thinking of something to say.

"I'm at Sarah's house, why?"

"Well you need to come home. Quick."

"What? Why?"

"Because Noah's here." I feel my stomach twist the second I heard his name.

"Oh okay, I'm just leaving now." I say ending the call.

"Shit." I quickly get out of bed and I get dressed into my clothes. I hear Rafe moving around behind me.

"Shay? Are you okay?" I sit on the edge of the bed putting my shoes on.
"Nope. Noah's here. In Outerbanks."
Rafe sits up.
"He's here? In Outerbanks?"
"Yup." I say getting up.
"I've got to go, I'm sorry. i'll call you later." I say before basically running out the house.

I'm walking back home as fast as I can. I can't believe it. Noah's here. Why is Noah here?

I reach the house and pause at the top of the drive for a moment. I take a deep breath before walking to the door. I open it and see Noah and Nathan sat at the table.
"Hey." I say shutting the door. Absolute silence filled the air.
"I'll leave you two to it." Nathan says before standing up. He smiles at me before walking upstairs.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Wow okay, It's nice to see you too."
"Well I don't know what you want from me. I left New York because your parents hate me, well your dad. And after we told him we were engaged he basically fired me and he doesn't want us to get married so yeah I don't know what you want from me?"

"I am really sorry about that."
"Oh and your father had the perfect girl for you? Is that right?"
"Shaine, let's not talk about that okay."
"No Noah because i'm like a piece of junk in your fathers eyes and like an object there for him to use for his business. A charity case he said wasn't it? I'm sorry but I can't be with you if that's how your father views me."
"Why does it matter how my father views you? Doesn't it matter how I see you."

"No. Not at all. Because to me you think the exact same thing. I mean, you didn't even defend me to him when he was busy completely dragging me down. You just stood there and let him say all that vile stuff about me." I sigh.
"Look, we're just going around in circles now so let's just cut to the chase. Why are you here?"
"I'm here for you. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to fix things with you but you just left without saying anything."
"Okay."
"And on top of that, you lied to me."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"You weren't at Sarah's at all."
"Uh yes I was."
"Oh really?" He says getting out of his chair.
"Then why did a guy answer your phone when I called you yesterday?" I felt my heart sink.

"What?"
"I called you yesterday, well last night. And a guy answered your phone." I genuinely don't know what he's talking about. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have told Rafe to answer if it was Noah calling and i'm also pretty sure Rafe would not have answered if it said so.
"Look I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't know you called me."
"Well I did. I called you last night because all i've been doing for the past week is try and get in contact with you."
"Hold up, we're you the one who called me on an unknown caller ID?" He looks down at the floor for a second.
"Yes."

"Oh my god, it was you? What the fuck? Why?" He nods.
"Because you hadn't spoken to me at all and you were ignoring me so I thought that you would answer if you didn't know it was me. But turns out you were with a guy which makes a lot of sense now why you didn't answer."
"Well, John B answered so stop being so dramatic."
"John B?"
"Yes. I said it was a no caller id so John B said he would answer it as a joke." I'm quite proud of myself for thinking of this.

"Oh. Right."
"That's the real reason you came here wasn't it? Because a guy answered my phone." He looks at me.
"Look Shaine. Let's just forget everything else okay. Forget what happened with my father, and all that stuff. Do you still want to marry me? Because that is literally all I care about right now." I look at him for a moment and I just picture Rafe in my mind.
"Shaine, do you still want to marry me?" He asks again. I can tell he is agitated at my silence.
"Shaine please just answer me."
"I don't know." I say replying straight after.
"I don't know what I want anymore. So can you please just go and leave me alone for a while so I can figure all this shit out." He looks at me and looks back down.
"Fine. I'll be at the Figure eight hotel. Come back to me when you figure everything out." He says before walking out the door.

I sit down on the chair holding my head in my hands. I hear Nathan walking down the stairs. I look up at him and he sits on the chair across from me.
"Are you okay?" He asks. I shake my head.
"I've just made more of a huge mess of things Nath."
"I'm sure you haven't. I mean it happens, you argue and bicker and leave each other alone but it doesn't mean it's over. I'm sure you can both figure it all out you just need to-"

"I slept with Rafe." I say cutting his words. He freezes and sits up.
"You slept with Rafe?" He repeats what I said. I nod.
"Oh God Shaine." He says.
"Yeah, I don't know what to do."
"Well do you love Noah?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Do you love Rafe?"
"No." I think about my answer again for a second.
"I don't know."
"Well, if you love Noah you have to tell him the truth and you guys can figure things back out because if you're going to spend the rest of your life with him, you have got to tell him the truth. And so if you don't feel anything for Rafe it's not worth ruining what you have already built with Noah."
"But that's the thing, I wanted too. I mean it sounds bad but I wasn't thinking about Noah when I was with Rafe." He nods.

"With Noah I feel like this person who has no control of anything in life and everything for the future is pre planned and set to happen in a way and I cannot change it or decide anything for myself. But with Rafe, it's new, it's fresh and it's exciting. And I never know what's going to happen but it feels good knowing that. And I feel comfortable with him and I feel most myself spending time with him. I've felt more myself this past week than I have for the past four years. And that's all because I have Rafe back in my life."
"Rafe was your first love. It's normal to never forget about that and fall back into the comfort of someone you once loved. But is it really worth ruining everything? And remember S, Rafe didn't choose you when he had the option. He chose to stay here over spending the rest of his life with you in New York. And how many times has he hurt you in the past? The answers a lot."
I look down.
"I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want anymore."
"Well it's between your old life which was very unplanned and you had no idea where your life was headed or the life you could have which is a great career, a husband. Everything a person could want."

The truth is, I don't know. I don't know if my old life is just making me feel happy because I know of it. It's a familiar feeling. But I don't know if i'm ready for the life I could have with Noah. It's all so perfect and organised which is better I know but the feeling of not knowing what's going to happen next is thrilling and intriguing. Maybe Im not set out for the New York life with logs and lots of money income, posh cars, expensive mansions, the workaholic, rich husband. What if I would rather work a job earning minimum wage, driving around in a battered truck, small house on the cut, just an average hust a life.

Am I comfortable with living my life in New York with Noah and the world he wants to provide for me ? Or would I rather spend the rest of my life here in Outerbanks with Rafe where everyday is an adventure?

Old life or new life?
Rafe or Noah?