you found me - Rafe Cameron

VII - mr loverman

• Rafe POV•

The day of Sheila James funeral...

I woke up this morning to an empty bed so I check my phone to see that Charlotte had messaged me she had to go to work.

As I am getting dressed I hear my phone ring.

Rafe : "Hello."

Sarah : "Hey, how are you?"

Rafe : "I'm good, how are you?."

Sarah : "I'm fine i'm just getting ready for the funeral."

Rafe : "Who's funeral?"

Sarah : "Shaines moms." I didn't realise it was her funeral today.

Sarah : "I take it you aren't going?"

Rafe : "It's not fair for me to go. It's a hard day for Shaine and for Nathan. My presence wouldn't be very much appreciated."

Sarah : "Sure if you feel like that. I just though you would have gone to show you respects."

Rafe : "I would but I don't want Shaine to feel uncomfortable when it's a shit enough day for her already."

Sarah : "Fair enough I guess. I'll call you later."

Rafe : "Okay, bye." I end the call.

I do contemplate whether I should go or not. I decide to at least go to pay my respects and hopefully, no one will notice i'm there.

I drive to the church and I wait in my car until I can get in without anyone seeing. I see Shaine and Nathan stood at the door talking to people until they walk inside. That's when I leave my car and sneakily sit down on the back row. I keep my head down hoping no one will notice me.

Shaine sits down on the front row as Nathan walks towards the stand. As Nathan speaks his eulogy, I notice Shaine hasn't even moved throughout the whole thing. I feel temptation to go and sit with her to support her but I know it's not the right time.

When Nathan finishes his speech, Shaine walks up and begins to speak of hers. She starts off well but I notice she starts to look unsteady. She looks as if she's about to have a huge break down. She stands there in silence for a minute staring into the rows of people. She starts shaking and she looks as if she is struggling to breath. I wish I could just go run up to her now and help her but I need to remain respectful and give her space. No one has even bothered to go up to her. Can they not see she's fucking struggling?

She stumbles on her words as she attempts to continue her eulogy.
"I'm s- I'm sorry, I can't." She says before practically running to her seat. She leans down and I see Nathan place his hand on her back.

Breath Shaine. Please just breath.

I go back to my car during the burial. I worry they will all notice me then so I keep away. Everyone drives to the Wreck afterwards. I peek through the door and I don't see Shay anywhere. Nathan is stood talking to people but Shay isn't anywhere in sight. I think of where she could be and that's when I realise, I know where she is.

I drive down to the beach and there she is. Her favourite place to be, the ramp on the beach. I wish I could go over to her and for a moment I think about it, but it wouldn't be fair to disturb her. I can imagine she feels overwhelmed with all the people feeling sympathy for her. I know she would hate all those people going over to her constantly saying sorry. And she always said that the beach was the place where she felt calm and most herself. I watch her from afar as for the first time today, she looked comfortable. She looked calm. She looked at peace. At that moment, I knew it was time for me to go back home. I kept my eye on her for today and now I see she's okay for now, that's all that matters.