you found me - Rafe Cameron

IV - i'm not yours

I look at Nathan and he stares back at me. Nathan leaves my room so I quickly put my pyjamas on acting as if I have only just gotten up and also so i'm not wearing Rafes shirt anymore.
I leave my room walking down the stairs. I open the door to see Noah stood there holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Surprise." He says with a huge smile on his face.
"W-what are you doing here?" I ask while he grabs me into a hug.
"Well I haven't heard much from you the past few days and I wanted to come see you." He hands mt the flowers.
"Thank you." I say with a guilt ridden smile.
"Are you sure you're okay?" He asks again.
"Yeah. Yeah no definitely. Sorry. Thank you for coming." I say back.
He kisses me and I awkwardly kiss him back.

Nathan walks down the stairs behind me.
"Hi you must be Noah, i'm Nathan."
Nathan reaches his hand out for Noah to shake which he does.
"It's great to meet you." Noah replies.
"I'm just gonna go put these flowers in a vase." I say walking away.
"Come on in." Nathan says gesturing for Noah to enter.

I feel so sick. Is this actually happening right now? Noah here, In Outerbanks. The morning after I slept with Rafe.
Noah and Nathan were sat at the table drinking and talking.
"And then she walked all the way down to the sea in a tantrum all because I didn't give her the red bucket and spade."
Nathan and Noah are there laughing.
"Okay haha very funny story. I have plans to go meet Sarah and the others so I will be going to get changed. And maybe go cry alone of embarrassment." They both laugh at me.
I walk upstairs leaving them both downstairs to talk.

I reach my room and take a huge deep breath.
I get changed and go back down stairs.
"Noah do you wanna come meet my friends?" I ask.
"Uh yeah sure." He says getting up from the chair.
"Great meeting you man." Noah says.
"Yeah you too." Nathan replies.
"Just get out." I say rushing Noah to leave.
I stare back at Nathan and he does a mouth zip up action.
We are walking to Sarah's and he's catching me up on what i've missed at work while I've been gone.

We finally reach her house and she is sat outside on a chair.
"Shaine." She says getting up grabbing me into a hug.
"And who's this?" She says looking at Noah beside me.
"This is Noah. My boyfriend. Noah this is Sarah, my life long best friend."
She shakes his hand.
"Nice to meet you." She says.
"Yeah you too. I've heard a lot about you."
"All good things I hope." Noah chuckles.
"Yeah they are."
"Not bad S." Sarah says looking at me in a quiet voice.

I slightly push her and we both laugh. We walk over to where she was sat and John B also walks out of the house. He says hi to me and he shakes Noah's hand too.
"Okay so what's the story? I mean how did you guys get together?" Sarah asks while pouring drinks.
"Well we were both working on the same project together and we worked very closely a lot and the next thing I know i'm asking her on a date." Noah says smiling. I'm not really paying much attention until Noah grabs my hand.
"Right babe?" Noah says.
"Hm. Yeah yeah totally." Sarah notices that i'm not paying much attention.
" Well I think that this calls for a beer celebration. Shaine will you come help me?" She says giving me a look.
"Uh yeah sure okay." I reply in a confused tone.

We walk into the house and she stands by the island.
"Okay so what's going on with you?" She asks.
"What? What do you mean?" I reply.
"Cmon S, I saw how you were staring into thin air while Noah was talking."
"Oh right."
"Has something happened?" Sarah asks. After a few seconds I realise I need to actually respond.
"No." I say. Not a very reassuring reply.
"That means something did. Cmon tell me I won't say anything."
I shrug, folding my arms, staring at the ground.
"What have you done seriously. It cannot be that bad." I tried to hard to keep quiet but it's Sarah. I can't keep anything from her.

"Your brother." She looks at me confused.
"What? What about my brother?"
"I did your brother is what."
"Okay, dude first of all weird context and second of all what the hell?"
"I don't know Sar. I don't know what I was doing I just went to his house last night and I just did it because I couldn't fall asleep and I thought maybe it was guilt for not talking to Rafe seeing as we left things on bad terms right. Then next thing I know i'm in his bed completely naked."
"Seriously stop talking about my brother like that's not good for my mentality." She says with a disgusted face.
"Sarah you have got to help me."
"What do you mean? With what?" She says slightly chuckling.

"How do I undo what I did?"
"You can't undo it. You just have to decide what is best for you. You either forget it happened and move on or you tell Noah and potentially ruin not only your relationship but your career."
"Are you saying I shouldn't tell him?" I ask.
"I'm saying, think it through clearly before you make any decisions."

"Sarah, Shaine are you guys coming out or what?" We hear John B shout out. We leave and I see that Kie, JJ and Pope have arrived. So we walk over to them all. I sit beside Noah offering him a drink. We hang around with them for a few hours, they all like seem to get along with Noah which makes me feel so so guilty for what I did last night. I tried to keep my cool the entire day because I was scared more of them would notice that there was something wrong.

Noah and I are walking back home and he's talking about how he hopes he made a good impression on my friends. I smile nodding, agreeing. We get back to my house. I unlock the door walking in.
"Nath?" No answer.
"Nathan?"
"He must be out." I say to Noah.
He grabs my waist.
"So that means we could-"
"Watch a movie." I say cutting him off.
He let go.
"Uh yeah, yeah sure."

We order a take out from the Wreck and we were watching a bunch of movies. It's around one in the morning, Nathan still isn't back. Noah and I are lying on my bed, his arm wrapped around my waist. He's been asleep for about an hour. And yet again, I can't sleep again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm staring around my room when I see Rafes shirt on the back of my chair. I look back at Noah settled asleep. I sneak out of him grasp and go over to the chair. I grab the shirt and carefully walk downstairs so I don't make any noise waking Noah up. I put on my shoes on as I reach the door and I sneak out. I'm walking to Rafes house holding his shirt. I ask myself the same question again. Why Shaine. What are you doing?

I finally reach his house standing at the top of the path. I walk to the step hesitating knocking the door until I just hit it. I stand back waiting for the door to open and when it does it reveals a very very drunk Rafe. He's shirtless wearing oversized grey jersey shorts. He's holding a bottle of bourbon with a cigarette hanging between his lips.
"Well well, back for more?"
"No. Here's your shirt." I say throwing it at him.
"No need to the aggression but thank you for taking the time away from your super boyfriend to hand deliver me my shirt after you woke up in my bed yesterday morning." He says taking a smoke of his cigarette.

"Look Rafe i'm not here to have small talk okay you have your shirt back so be happy."
"Why are you still stood here? I mean if your here to just bring my shirt."
I stand there looking at him.
He starts stumbling like he's struggling to stand up.
"God." I whisper to myself. I walk over to him grabbing his arm.
"Wow hey there." He mumbles.
"Just shut up and come with me." I carry him over to the sofa which he falls onto it. He grabs my waist pulling me down onto his lap.
"Rafe seriously." I try to get up.
"No no just wait okay." I let go and just sit there.

His arms are wrapped around my waist.
"Why did you leave for so long?" He asks.
"I had nothing to come back for. I know Nathan is here but we talked on the phone almost every day so I guess it was all good."
"But me."
"What?" I ask
"Me. You didn't need to come back for me."
I sigh. I was struggling to think of what to tell him until.
"Do you ever think about me?" He asks.
"Isn't Charlotte meant to be here?" I ask.
"No no we are broken up for now."
"Right. For now."
"She's nice. Yeah she's nice and that but she's not you."
"Rafe-" I try to get him to stop talking but he wouldn't listen.

"No no Shay listen to me please. You're the one Shay. You will always be the one. You know like Brontë said 'whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same'. That's us okay. I mean, you know me more than anyone else does and anyone else ever could. I love you Shay. I always have. The second you left me I have never stopped missing you."
I try and stop myself crying.
"Rafe we can't. I'm sorry but we can't. I have a life, I have a boyfriend who is nothing but good to me and i'm betraying him by even being here and I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." I can't stop my tears at this point. I get up from his lap and start walking towards the door.
"Hey hey wait Shay please." I stop in my path and turn around to Rafe walking towards me.

He wraps his arms around me and I wrap mine around him too. He rests his head on top of mine and I hold him tight like it's the last time because it is. I can't do this with him anymore. I cannot keep betraying Noah like this.

I have Noah and I want a life with Noah. I can't jeopardise it all just for my past. The best thing for me to do is to leave. To leave Rafe and to leave Outerbanks and continue my life back in New York. Atleast until my moms funeral next month.